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"this is a secret between my husband and I right now so we have very limited time to talk."
Counselling. If only because it then ceases to be a secret between the two of you, which is little better than when it was just *his* secret. Counselling allows the two of you to discuss how you feel but guided by a third-party. And, obviously, requires you to reveal to secret to that third-party.
As part of it, it may help to identify people who you can share the secret with. Both of you may need someone to talk to who *isn't* your partner.
Counselling should also guide you to the point where you are able to decide how you are both going to incorporate his crossdressing into your relationship. Because you will have to. It's not going to go away. How the two of you approach the crossdressing will then influence whether you tell your children and other family, or not.
(It was 14 years into our marriage when I revealed that I was a crossdresser to my wife. And whilst we wanted to stay together, we didn't know how to talk to each other about it. Counselling saved us, although it helped that neither of us, deep down, wanted the relationship to end. We just needed a way forward. We found it.)
