The Evolution of Rachel

I skipped this step when signing up.   Didn't know whether I would be staying or what would happen afterwards.  Now that I have been here for awhile and have once again become comfortable with my crossdressing habits, I thought I would share a little bit of what has been going on in my dual life.  First, let me say that I am not "out."  I dress in private for my personal enjoyment.  I live alone, so there is no SO to confess to and the only outside interactions I have on a regular basis is work, which strictly knows me as male.  I am bi-sexual, but have only had three experiences with men, and only once as Rachel.  At my age, I have become reluctant to enter into any relationship, male or female.  Call it an acquired anti-social development.  Yet my job requires me to communicate with a variety of different people across the country and I am very good at it.  As for Rachel, I have been her off and on for over twenty years.  I have no memory of where the name came from other than I needed an alias and Rachel fit me.  I suspect she fills the need of a female influence in my life that I am unwilling to fulfill in real life and to be honest, I like wearing women's clothing so I have no desire to end my happiness.  Up until recently, I have been content to allow my female side to remain hidden.  To dress at home and never venture out into the big scary world.  For the last three weeks, I have been female in all of my available free private time.  Even to the point of going out on walks at night in skirts, women's shorts and sports bras, just to allow my female side some openness in a semi public setting.  The freedom to dress openly is still not an acceptable form of expression in many environments and many are still not accepting of other forms of expression, no matter how non-threatening it is.  I also have to consider the truth that I like my male side just as much.  It is also who I am and I have no desire to change that.  The desire to come "out",  though not all consuming, is an argument that I have with myself every day.  A desire to allow all expressions of myself and the desire to be accepted in all my forms.  It is a freedom that may be acceptable by law, but definitely not by many people that I value as friends, associates or acquaintances.  There will be those that object to that type of limitation, but I look at it as they are who they are, I value there association, so I can accommodate, even if they cannot.  That leaves me with searching for avenues to be out as Rachel.  There are not many, even in this day and age.  So I am here, happily so, searching for friends and ways to interact in public that I do not have in my private life.  I will continue this discussion, as events, circumstances and occasions take place where Rachel can have a fuller expression of herself.  Suffice it to say that at this point, I am "out", but with discretion and look forward to new opportunities that present themselves to allow my female side an avenue to be more fully out in public.