Wife of a crossdresser

I wish that I could have my wife talk to you. Being scared and nervous is perfectly understandable. If you love him, Please take the time to understand him. Here are some books that might help you:

My Husband Betty by Helen Boyd
Head over heels by Virginia Erhardt
My Husband Wears My Clothes by Peggy Rudd

As a crossdresser who was discovered by my wife 20 years ago, I wish that I would have had the courage to come out to her before I was discovered. Still, we seem to have managed to make things work. All I can say to you is to please have an open and accepting heart. I think that you would both be the happier for it.

Bless you and I wish you all the happiness possible.

Hi Stacey, talking is the answer. Revealing an inner identity takes courage. Your courage in accepting your husband is a major plus. From here as my wife has done is to have a shopping date, and a weekend away, where in time you can both enjoy a lunch date, dinner etc enfemme.
There are great people in CDH, who can help.
All the best
Jane

Stacey, thank you for posting this, and I applaud your effort to better know what your husband is going through.  I must echo what Jane has said, communication is essential.  Only information and talking about it can help in understanding.  I'm sure this must be difficult for both of you, and I can understand your nervousness and fear. But, please, do not connect your husbands crossdressing with any lack of feeling for you, or lack of love for you.  Coming out to you shows they want you to understand and accept them.   It must have been as hard for him to open up to you as it was for you to hear it....

Yes, this is a side of your husband you were not aware of, but he us still the same person you fell in love with.  No, I cannot tell you how you should feel, but  remember information helps eliminates ignorance, and honest communication will bring you closer together in dealing with this.   I do wish you both the best in this Stacey!

Stevie

Stacey,

I'm a reluctant wife of a crossdresser. He came out to me 7 years ago.   I joined to find support for myself as I try to support him but have set up boundaries that work for me. It's not easy and is the hardest challenge I've gone through. Keep talking. Only allow what you are comfortable with. Best wishes,

Stacey Nice meeting you. Your a very special spouse and your partner is so fortunate. This is certainly the place you’ll find many of the answers you are seeking. Totally understandable in your reactions . And a dynamics of your relationship have been brought into question. Question is a common one, or you feeling he is somehow less of a man for wanting to cross dress.

Been here a long time, most of us are just normal heterosexual men who love to experience what women can but normally prohibited by societal pressures about gender steeeotypes. We just want to try what you can freely experience if you want, make up, a far more interesting range of clothing and accessories, wonderful fabrics and colours. Maybe we want to try something different from the normally ‘drab’ options we have in menswear, shoes etc.

He has probably kept it a secret as he is terrified he would lose you if you found out. Had you known when you were dating would it have adversely affected your opinion of him. And the longer the secret is carried on the harder it is to admit it. He was maybe also afraid you would question his sexuality, think of him as less of a man, something which hurts. For me, and many others, perhaps your husband included it is only looking different for a bit, to stand out, enjoy experiencing new things. I think I look fab when dressed, others may disagree but it’s good for my soul. Perhaps like a hobby or addiction, not trying to play down the angst you are feeling but there are worse addictions to have.

I hope you can keep the lines of communication open, come to terms with it, and come to some kind of compromise. In relationships we all have to compromise to some extent.

I saw the shock  from  my wife as for us we were married for many years and only a short while ago that I opened up to her . The biggest concern was the mistrust I caused.   Seeing her and the hurt  that it caused was hard.  We had many talks and through this agreements and guidelines were set and together were slowly working it  out. But Cdh and it’s resources helped my wife and myself understand more about our individual troubles. I learned more about myself and she with help from a wonderful group we have here exclusive for my wife where many GG gals like yourself could receive the help and support to get the answers your wanted to know. This group – private  ( wives and significant others ).

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/groups/wives-and-significant-others /

For you special ladies where Cders are not allowed. Meet with them and get the support you need. Look into other forms written by others who talk about their experiences, their questions they may ask with many offering help and advice so everyone can understand better on so many confusing topic . Many face this troubling ordeal but be assured you have support and help from everyone here . Relax, get comfortable and enjoy being part of this wonderful community that really does care for all that passes through our doors. The best to you both as  you venture through these new paths together . Very happy meeting you and welcome.

Stephanie 🌹

Hello Stacey, thank you for sharing this. The man you married may seem not like the man he is today. Not so true in my opinion.  I have always been a caring person, filled with many emotions and also looking out for others and how they feel.   Many years ago I took Home Economics, traditionally a girls class in school. I learned cooking, sewing and many other things for taking care of the home.  Looking back I think this was part of me all along.  I had no SO that supported me and wish I had,  It would have made life so much better. I lived with this my entire life and found success in my career doing the things I originally learned in home economics.   What I have found is that I am still the man, but I like the feminine  things in life. When I am Chrissy, I find my written word is much more caring and thoughtful over the hard fact based responses I would normally write as my male persona. No-one would suspect I liked cross dressing. The feminine part of me is much more caring, loving, and empathetic than the male part. These are traits in a male that most SO's would love to have in their relationship and at times is part of the discourse when it is not there. We are raised in a society where the male is the hard one but that is changing.   My rock has always been my mother, for her caring and thoughtfulness, of which I emanate in my life. Take it as a blessing that he is being more truthful with you and also that he is willing to share his feelings more as well. You could find not only a more exciting relationship but become closer as well.

Chrissy

Stacey,

thank you so much for speaking up!  I just wish my wife wanted to support like you do.  The fear and nerves are certainly understandable.  As others have said, your man is still your man; he just wants to explore his fem side too.  It may be a bit scary to think about, but I doubt that many people are 100% male or female.  I also doubt that many people are 100% gay or straight.  I know I have some bi curiosity.  That doesn’t mean im going to act on it.  I would absolutely never consider cheating on my wonderful wife.  I made  a promise and I don’t even have a desire to break that promise.  I may fantasize, sure, but acting on that is way different.  I just want to feel like a woman sometimes.  Your husband is probably very similar.  Don’t be too scared to talk.  It will deepen your love ultimately.

please do keep us posted.  I very much wish there were more SOs active here.  We need your input!

Big girly man hugs to you,

Catherine

Stacey, thank you for coming here to try to understand your husband. Please read my profile, as my wife and I have been here as well. There is some great advise here but I think the most important is to talk. My wife has now finally realised that with me sitting here “literally “ in skinny jeans, heeled ankle boots, is that they are only clothes. She had all the questions you did, are you gay, do you want to be woman permanently, are you leaving etc etc. She now knows all that is irrelevant and I am still her husband of 36 years that likes to be feminine a couple of times a week and still loves her. Please talk to him, if boundaries have to set, so be it. We started off like that but now she is at ease with my dressing. Ironically I’m more scared and nervous when Katie appears. We are all here to support you both and I mean both of you. Katie xx

Hi Stacey as these other ladies here have said thankyou for supporting you husband/girlfriend  as everyone of us know having a supportive Wife or SO is the cherry on the top of the cake .. As myself here i was married 38 just about 39 years ago came out to my wife just after we were married and she accepted and supports Stephanie 100% i have been here over two years and tried many times to get wife to join but not quite there yet but working on it  .. You are a wonderful lady and with time and comunification with your girlfriend little steps and love will be a treat in the end .. Good luck Stacey and another idea has your hubby/girlfriend picked a femme name and joined us here because we here can and will support both of you with open arms as a wealth of knowledge is here for the asking ..

Stephanie Bass

Hi astacey,

Welcome to CDH.  Other posters have commented on setting boundaries and communication.  Keep those lines open with your spouse.

Alice

Hi Stevie, great comments, hit the bail on the head. My wife says that despite my keeping crossdressing secret for almost 20 years my wife knew that I was the same person, just now wearing lingerie etc.
So Stacey remember that your husband loves you, and in time you can share his wardrobe.
Enjoy life, have shopping days together trips away.
bEst wishes
Jane

Hi Stacey,

I want to add my thoughts to this, not least because I'm one of those who fears there has been a destruction of a long marriage as a result of my recent disclosure.

I'm TG, rather than CD, but that may only be a question of 'degree'

I started a long post to address all this but then thought you might find it helpful to PM me, rather than do everything in the more public domain.

Suffice to say, you have all my sympathy, honey, from 'this side' of the line...

Please message if you think that might work for you.

Much love,

Grace

Hi Stacey,

In our marriage my wife thought for sure that she had to compete with the "Other woman," meaning me, and she would have to compete with "her" and eventually lose me.  Once she realized that breaking up my marriage is the last thing I would do she felt much better about my dressing.  She still doesn't want to see me dressed but she knows she won't lose me.

Stacey,
If you’re still with him 2 years after he told you, that says a lot. Since you’re here on CDH looking for help and advice, that says even more. I can’t offer either, but I just wanted to express my admiration for you, and wish you and your husband the very best.

Much love,
Raquel