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90% +

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Posts: 1325
Topic starter
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I started cross-dressing in a lightweight way, last September, when I had a couple of skirts. The chances of me passing as a woman in public at that time would, I guess, be around 3%, but only if I was seen by a partially blind person from 200 metres away, in the dark. I had no makeup, I had a beard, I had no wig, bad legs, bad gait, dreadful dress-sense. I used condoms full of water for breasts and my heels were so high and uncomfortable, I walked like a baby giraffe on ice.

Fast forward to today and I think I'm over 90% 'passable', with only my voice letting me down.

For the last three days, I have been Becca. I have been out to the city of Exeter and twice to Plymouth. The final time in Plymouth was on my own, today, a Saturday, in the Christmas-shopping season, and the place was absolutely packed; parking was a nightmare with queues to almost all the car parks. Fortunately, I have Schmoo, my Smart car, and I happen to know the Theatre car park has some very tiny parking bays tucked away behind support-columns; just the place for a tiny car; and there did I park.

I'll cut a long story very short. Basically I spent a few hours in the city, looking at clothes, having lunch and, on two occasions, using the ladies loos (and I had to queue up at one of them.)

I watched people surreptitiously (reflected in shop windows) as I walked to see if they stared at me. I had a couple of looks but no more than I would have got if I was in drab; just coincidentally, not curiously.

I interacted with a few people but didn't say very much and none looked at me oddly, indeed, a lady in one of the toilets, after leaving a trap towards which I headed, said to me, "there's no toilet paper in that one, darling." I thanked her (didn't need it anyway, of course).

Anyway, I got home after a few hours and reflected on my last few days as Becca, with special note for today as my wife wasn't there. I enjoyed myself immensely, I felt totally at ease and not remotely like an imposter (even though I am one; aren't we all?).

To sum up: after one year, I think I'm somewhere around 90% passable in public now as a [very] mature lady-who-lunches. Sort the voice out and I think I'll make 95%. It is a shame, but I know I'll never make 100%; there will always be a suspicion that I'm male no matter what I do because of my height or something I'll miss at the wrong time.

However, 90% is good enough. I can look like a woman, I can do makeup (better than many women), I dress better, my walk is pretty good, as is how I carry my arms, move my hair and generally perform in public.

For me, it's good to be a cross-dresser.

Becca

xx

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32 Replies
7 Replies
Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@rebeccabaxter 

Becca, I love this post. You are an inspiration to crossdressers everywhere. 

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Duchess Annual
(@isabella22)
Joined: 6 years ago

Reputable Member     Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 186

@rebeccabaxter congratulations Becca, you are very determined and are enjoying the results. Great inspiration for all of us. Continue your efforts towards hitting 100 %. I agree with your comment relative to presenting yourself in public better than a lot of GG’s. Thanks for sharing

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@isabella22 I am determined; indeed, it has become a bit of challenge.

It is unfortunate that my desire to reach 100% passing is like the efforts to make things reach the speed of light—the nearer you get, the harder it becomes to get that last little bit.

The annoying thing is that while I'm out en femme, I see some women who more resemble men in dress-sense, shape, size and manner and yet they don't even have to try to look like women, they just do (it's not always a pleasant sight though 🙂 ).

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Lady
(@cherylt)
Joined: 7 months ago

Prominent Member     Honesdale, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 485

@rebeccabaxter those women you speak of make it that much easier for us to present and be accepted as women. They demonstrate that as a species we come in every shape, size and appearance. Not all women look like models or movie stars and not all men look like body builders. 

When I began going in public I was afraid because of my height being 6'. It took time to realize that I am not that tall as a woman. I'm just a bit over average these days. 

People, by nature, will stare at anything and anyone that they feel is not the average, too tall, too small, too thin, too fat, etc. They also only look for a moment and first impressions make all the difference. 

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 175

@rebeccabaxter Practice makes perfect, or at least almost perfect.  Like anything else, it takes time and effort to present oneself convincingly as a woman.  

 I avoid the term passing because it is somewhat loaded, but if you look at all the women around you, you will see tall, stout, lithe, frumpy, stylish and everywhere in between.  We can fit somewhere into that broad range and go about our lives.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@kimdl94 As well as clothes, wigs and breast forms, I found makeup a game-changer. A man can wear all the women's stuff he wants but to finally get rid of those masculine features, he has to get pretty adept at applying makeup, it makes all the difference if done properly.

Just foundation, eye-shadow, eye-liner and mascara can alter one's appearance no end, just don't overdo it and look like a drag queen. Oh, and trim your eyebrows.

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Posts: 1205

@rebeccabaxter Sounds like you had a great couple of days Becca!  Thats so wonderful....hope you have more very soon.

As far as passability goes.....we are always our own worst critics.  In my case, it is probably because I know that I an AMAB and it has been drilled into me for way too long or just even out of caution.   My thinking in general is that I can add a few points to my passability score to get to how others see me.   The fact that I can generally go out and blend in without even getting a second look from anyone bears this out.

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Posts: 1017
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

I’m curious Becca, are you working on sorting that voice? If so, how do you practice?

You’re right about the 90%. It’s good enough. As has been discussed on several forums of late, the GG’s aren’t trying as hard as they used to. It’s all about comfort so that gives us girls a bit of a head start on looking “average girly” these days IMHO.

I can’t recall the last time I noticed a GG all dressed up with a dress on. Probably at the airport last time flying. And I know that we girls are definitely using more makeup than them. The girls I see the most, the ones in the “retirement bracket” have all but abandoned any serious makeup usage.

On one hand, it’s good because it’s easier if you’re trying to blend. But on the other hand, we tend to like more of the girly stuff. To where we overdo it and look too dressed up and too made up.

But all in all, yes, it’s good to be a crossdresser 🥰

GP

 

 

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4 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@gracepal I am working on my voice, on three fronts.

Firstly, and most easily, I am softening it, trying to get rid of resonance in the voice box and upper chest by being a bit 'breathy' when talking.

Secondly, by raising the voice, but not by so much that it sounds false. I was given some good advice on here about talking in your normal voice and calling that [on the musical scale] Do, then raising the voice through Re, Mi and Fa to So; that means you aren't straining the voice or making it sound weird. It's not entirely feminine but not masculine either.

Thirdly, and easily the most difficult: actually remember you are trying to lift your voice. So many times have I started out on a day with all the intentions of trying to keep my voice lifted, soft and feminine, only to find after a moment or two of conversation, that I have forgotten and am now talking in my [Do] male voice, by which time it is too late to change in that instance without sounding like I'm a bit crazy, or my voice is breaking all over again (and still sounding crazy!).

Re: Modern girls not trying hard. I did notice two girls out today and they were really well-dressed. One of them was wearing a well-fitting leather jacket and mini-skirt, hose and HH shoes. On another person, it could have looked whoreish but she looked fantastic in the outfit. I was slightly envious but realistic; it looked good on her, I would have looked like a sad parody of a bad drag queen!

Thanks accepting my friend request.

Becca

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(@crazycynthia)
Joined: 4 months ago

Estimable Member     zuid holland, Netherlands
Posts: 87

@gracepal thank you for sharing that nice story. I hope one day i get to the 90%! It must have been a struggle. Any tips?

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1017

@crazycynthia If I had one piece of advice to give about crossdressing it would be: “less is more”. Especially if you’re going out of your house.

GP

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 175

@gracepal I agree.  If we are seeking to blend in, then more casual dress and makeup are the often the best choice.  It’s very situational, isn’t it?   

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Posts: 760
Duchess
(@jennconn)
Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

It’s good for me to be a crossdresser too Becca.  We are the lucky ones.

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Posts: 1797
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Becca,

You have made great progress in one year. You should be proud, doing this is not easy. Thanks for keeping us updated on your progress. All the best.

Fiona

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Posts: 1742
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I think we are particularly bad at math(s). If you were at 90%, then 1 in 10 would have known. If you were at 95%, it's 1 in 20. But from your description of no strange looks, if you didn't interact with people, I don't think 1 in 20 read you.

Because people are so engrossed in their own little bubbles, I think we pass at a higher rate than we believe.

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2 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@alison-anderson My estimation, such as it is, is based, mostly, upon how much I can get away with being seen as a woman while out and about in general--shopping and things like that, which is what I mostly do; perhaps I should have made that clear from the outset. I suppose if we looked only at that scenario to the exclusion of all others, then I could say that I passed 99.9% of the time since no one takes much, if any, notice of me. Add in another scenario like, say, intimate conversations with lingerie sales people, then in THAT scenario, I doubt I'd get away with it at all, since I would have to talk at length and close up. Since most of my time out in public, is done in general situations, the figure applies, but average the two situations out and I come up with a rather lower figure of acceptance.

As it stands, I'm comfortable that what I do as a woman is enough to satisfy me in the situations I find myself, how confident I'd be in myself in more intimate situations remains to be seen; I suspect it would be not at all. Perhaps trying to add a definite figure of acceptance was a mistake as figures are always challenged, so let's say instead, I feel I pass most of the time.

We each need to reassure ourselves that we are doing well if our aim is to appear as a genuine woman (not relevant if you're not). Cross-dressing is an enjoyable, but sometimes difficult, thing to do in public and many can't or don't want to do it at all. My choice is to try to blend in in public and in my own head, I think I am doing it well.

Hugs

Becca

x

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1017

@rebeccabaxter You have hit on the key difference Becca, dressing to appear genuine or not. The lower key the better for passing purpose of course 🥰

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Posts: 2108
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Becca -

Thank you for sharing your day out experience. It is heart warming to read such accounts. You are an inspiration to us all. Personally I don't go out dressed but do dabble a bit - I wear earrings 24/7, will wear panties (i.e. underdress), wear knee high stockings and female ankle boots while in drab, have my fingernails painted in a clear gel with a pink tinge. I've received compliments on my earrings and manicure a few times which are lovely to receive. I would love to do more, and hope to some day, however, per an agreement with my wife my dressing stays in the house. She is being more open about letting part of Suzanne out from time to time so there is hope.

Enjoy your time out and about.

XOXO
Suzanne

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1 Reply
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@cdsue I am blessed indeed that my wife is ok with my dressing and going out.

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Posts: 317
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 2 years ago

Becca

What a great story. You should be so proud of what you have done and how far you have come. As far as my experience goes if you are only getting a second look from the odd person every now and then you are totally passing. If anyone has any doubts that you might be a guy you will always be getting second and third looks. 

These days it seems a bit anything goes with what GG's wear and do these days so while many may dress in jeans and T shirt without makeup. At least here in Australia  (not sure about the UK or US) there are still enough GG's who wear  makeup, skirts and dresses that I don't look out of place. Having said that I am a real sucker for a pair of tailored slacks. 

 

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5 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@oliviac Being the age I am, I tend to blend in even if wearing skirts because older women still wear them a lot. It's just as well because I can't get trousers to look good on me, they always have too much loose material, I just don't fill them out properly.

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(@oliviac)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Posts: 317

@rebeccabaxter I have a similar thing. I havent got any hips. I have been thinking about getting some hip pads as from my chest my waist is narrower but my hips are narrower again. I have managed to get some baggy tailored slacks to work.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@oliviac I have hip pads, good ones too, but they are such a faff to put on. You have to hold them in place by hand while at the same time manoeuvring underwear such that knickers will hold them for you. Of course this is not enough on its own and requires some sort of tight foundation wear to keep them still, then, to ensure that they really can't go anywhere of their own accord, it's best to wear tights over the top. All of this is a bit of a pain when you want to go to the loo, too!

After you've been wearing them for a while, they do tend to stick in place (if they are silicone) when a slight layer of perspiration builds up such that when you've finished with them, you have to peel them off.

They do make a big difference if wearing anything tight but it's just too much trouble for me so I wear loose skirts and the need for hip pads fades away.

I tried padded panties but the padding is thin and pretty-much useless. I also considered putting pouches in some foundation garments for my silicone pads but my sewing skills are not up to it.

 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4016

@rebeccabaxter Can I make a suggestion here?

Regardless of how "good" your hip pads are, if they are not convenient, awkward, or just not comfortable, you might want to try something different. 

I use 4-pocket panties and have enough  fiber butt pads now that I can double-up or triple them up, to make a bit of a bubble butt. 

I bought separate silicone hip pads and insert them in the side pockets, since the fiber ones on their own aren't all that effective.

This combo does work well under a loose covering (skirt, dress) because they fill in your hips and butt without being noticeable. The caveate is that if you wear something tight, such as leggings, you probably will display oddly shaped bumps on your hips. The thick hip pads can also make pulling on pants or shorts that are already tight more of a squirm fest.

I wouldn't give up on them just yet.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@harriette I have the foundation garments that will fit the bill, I'll just have to get my sewing machine out and have another go; I mean, I have the hip pads so I know the shape.

I've just had a thought though. I have two pairs of foundation pants, all I have to do is put one pair inside the other and sew around the outline of the hip pads to make pouches. Hm, surprised I never thought of that before.

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Posts: 3437
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Speed of light, meteoric  is the progress you have made in a year as chronicled by you.

I use my home made hip and booty pads which are placed in a rather large knicker which can be slipped on and held in place all day. Bespoke and washable they have been a revelation to me. Along with silicone enhancers in a correct fitting and sized bra the base is set. 

Dressing is like make up, enhancing the features that are important to blend into the frame and highlight the overall appearance with an appropriate coverage. Hair and make up to your style are the finishing touches. There may be some flaws but if the overall impression is to appear as any other female.

I have often said that the busier the place the less notice you will get going about your day and say that from experience. People look around at other people but is the reason what you are imagining?

The issue of the voice is one that affects many of us and can be an Achilles heel. However if the image a person sees is one of a woman then maybe they will guess but in brief encounters their brain has accepted a female and they are programmed to deal with as such.

Yes my voice isn't perfect, I do try but it isn't the be all and end all. You do your best and you'll be surprised as it doesn't seem to matter. I have worked with women and have female friends who have never known my male self. Now down the road we sit and talk womens things, shop and share experiences, it's second nature. It is the same at work or groups I am involved in.

I agree 100% is a very high bar but getting anywhere near that is an achievement Becca, so happy that you are so far up the scale and documenting your rise is an inspiration to others.

 

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1 Reply
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@ab123 Thank you Angela, for your advice and kind words; onward and upward.

🙂

Becca

x

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Posts: 57
Lady
(@randialex)
Estimable Member     Shaftesbury, Dorset, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 months ago

Becca - well done however one thing with which I do not agree is the use of a ladies loo if you have a penis (I am making an assumption and if wrong I apologise). I have talked to a number of women about this and if they have one objection to us it is with the use of lavatories. 

I expect an outcry of disagreement but ask that those who disagree with me do agree that I am able  to do so.

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1 Reply
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@randialex What they don't know, can't hurt them, and anyway, it's not as if you stand next to them. Just go in, do what you need to do and leave, it's fine. It's certainly preferable (for me) than wandering into the men's, lifting ones skirts and taking a leak into a urinal, I really don't think I'd want to do that.

If I'm in any doubt, I'll use the disabled loo but I'm sure there are people out there who would object to that too.

Might I ask, Randi, do you go out in public dressed as a woman, and if so, where do you go to the toilet?

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Posts: 57
Lady
(@randialex)
Estimable Member     Shaftesbury, Dorset, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 months ago

thank you for your reply Becca. I think you are being a little extreme in saying that you would have to stand at a urinal, there are closets in men's lavatories and you could have complete privacy. Yes using the disabled facility is a reasonable alternative. With regard to using the ladies you are looking at it from a male viewpoint I suggest you talk to some women and ask their views. As if me if you have read any of my posts you will know that I am only about 30% passable but when I reach passibility (is that a word?) I shall use the disabled and if not a closet in the men's although I do have the advantage of having a very retentive bladder!!!

I suggest we leave it to others to comment, maybe the women I know are the exception and maybe your view is correct - I don't know 

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Posts: 20
Guest
(@Anonymous 99367)
Eminent Member
Joined: 3 months ago

Interesting thread, and sounds like a great experience.

I've only stepped out twice, in London and Berlin. The first time, it was terrific but scary! I think I really thought that I'd be chased by a mob. But people have their own lives to get on with. I walked around for about ten minutes, and found no-one cared.

The second time, far less scary. I did some relaxed window shopping. Hoping to have a chance in a few weeks to go out again.

I found makeup was important in achieving enough confidence. I don't rate myself at all for passing. I'm just handling makeup well enough for it to make myself feel better. 

I've never found a source that really explained how to apply eyeliner - that was a big struggle, but maybe it just requires lots of practice. I really think if there was a simple guide somewhere online, it would help people a lot. On the other hand, it strikes me that there's just a lot to get to know.

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1 Reply
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@martha Youtube is your friend here Martha; many vids teaching all kinds of makeup. I was fortunate in having my wife give me lessons, but I still look for more instruction from YT videos.

Becca

BTW, welcome to CDH.

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