Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Now that my lovely wife and I have both retired from the workplace we have had more time to share together, that to of course includes even sharing my inner most secrets of wearing fem clothing, when I came out to her mid January of this year, 2025.
From January when I spoke to my lovely wife that I do wear fem clothing, nice fem shoes, make up and wigs etc, to try to look the part of a passable lady. She has assisted me to acquire fem clothing through thrift shops. I have even further purchased fem clothing from online commerce stores like Shein. Etc.
I have even shared my CDH online activities with her. She knows Gwen is my fem name. So there is now no more secrets between us.
That is not the be all and end all of our changing marriage dynamic. Of late and more importantly I have seen my lovely wife try on pretty dresses for herself, shoes and makeup. Now there is no competition between herself and my female persona but wow, we are both aging and it is so good to see my lovely wife with a new dynamic in her routine and a new interest in her self esteem and that my friends is so nice to see.
I am not sure if my above words are of any benefit to those ladies who have not yet come out of the closet and dressed in front of their partner and I am not suggesting for one minute it is for everyone. But for some there may well be unintended benefits for each of you, in sharing your female self with your wife or Partner.
May your days get brighter
Bye for now, Gwen.
@gwen495 Thanks for sharing Gwen. You are so fortunate that your wife has embraced 'Gwen'. I hope you go on to enjoy many years of this new found relationship.
Anne
@gwen495 Gwen, your story is similar to my own. I recently retired, my wife knew about my dressing but I hadn’t dressed for almost a year following a misunderstanding on my part. So just before I retired (late 2024) I raised the question about dressing more whilst we shared more time together. My wife welcomed Katie back with open arms even as far as buying Christmas presents for Katie, she also invited Katie to Christmas lunch (we dine alone) the acceptance was total and I am very grateful. So yes, if girls believe their marriage is stable enough rip that bandage off and enjoy life unfortunately we only have one. Katie 💋💋
@gwen495 Inspiring story, I hope you enjoy and long and girly retirement together.
C💋
Hi Gwen. My wife and I can relate to this so much. We have an understanding that goes something like, If I buy, she buys. That way she doesn't feel left out as I build my wardrobe. Just this weekend we were shopping together and she picked out a couple of dresses and shoes for me and a couple of dresses and shoes for her. We have so much fun together, especially when we dress up to go out.
@gwen495 this is a wonderful new place for you both to be in your relationship. As someone who can directly relate to your wife and what is happening here I can also say that since discovering my hubbys dressing I too have enjoyed experimenting more with clothing , makeup etc . It's definitely not competition my end , It's just a nice new way of life and I see how much effort he puts in and this makes me want to also.
so pleased you are both enjoying and embracing this new lease of life as well! 🌈🙏❤️
@gwen495 Gwen, give your wife a big hug. It is so nice to hear someone coming out who has this great acceptance.
I hope the 2 of you keep the lines of communication open and you don't see her attitude towards Gwen go the other way.
Cassie
It's great to learn of others who have found it a pleasant experience to share fully your life's journey together. My spouse and I have been shopping together and having fun and we both enjoy looking our best. It sounds like the fun is really getting started for the two of you. Congratulations!
@tiffanylove I love the way you summed it up simply by saying you both enjoy looking your best. That’s always been the case for us as well. My wife would never leave the house without her makeup and hair done, with a nice outfit on. And I am the same way, whether in M or F mode. She totally gets it.
Gwen,
Thanks for your post, and I'm so happy for you and your wife.
I'll offer a friendly observation, based on my experience and on many posts. I'm all in favor of honesty within a couple. But for most, don't expect a fully supportive spouse.
I benefitted from a good therapist over the years. She indicated for a great majority of women, cross-dressing by husband/partner would be a deal-breaker. I think this is supported by a lot of posts here by members who have been divorced over this.
Another outcome (myself included) is wife stays with husband but has limitations. In our case she knows but she doesn't want to participate or ever see me dressed. For many that is as good as it gets. Trying to push wife beyond her boundaries is not going to end well. All of us have various boundaries which need to be respected.
Not trying to rain on anybody's day, more sharing to help readers navigate relationship in their own way, and to be aware that for many some compromise is a good outcome.
@signoraaria thank you so much Signoraaria! I needed to know this as I’ve primarily seen the positive outcomes. I’ll be honest, my psychiatrist and my couple’s psychiatrist have said the same thing - this could end the marriage. My psychiatrist said she’s never dealt with this exact situation but she’s dealt w partners explaining past affairs and that’s a trust killer.. ends w divorce. She feels xdressing , when explained to the SO is a huge trust crusher … and for me w so many years in and a wife who’s accepting of others but pretty plain Jane, I’m apprehensive. The marriage counselor (we went to for discussions about more variation in love making - that frankly didn’t get her where I wanted her to be) says at a minimum this would be a huge adjustment - and I need to think through this very methodically. I am glad I have them in my corner - and you XDressers and the SOs who have replied and written articles. I’m reading a LOT! Love you all!
@gwen495 I’ve been debating coming out to my wife, this latest time, for about 2 weeks. My psychiatrist said be prepared to have my marriage end. I’m 8 months from retiring. I like the idea of waiting till I’m retired. It’s an overwhelming burden as I feel a lot of guilt and shame. But I do feel so relaxed dressed.. I don’t know what it will do to our sexual relationship. Can someone discuss this please. Ours is pretty straight laced as she’s not one to experiment… even after many marriage counseling sessions about our straight sex life.
I don’t know what it will do to our sexual relationship. Can someone discuss this please. Ours is pretty straight laced as she’s not one to experiment…
Oh, you have a sex life!? 😱
You know your wife best. Is there a way to come out to her so that she doesn't go running to the hills? There are a myriad ways of doing this recounted on CDH, but not all of them have happy endings.
Maybe start your own thread to discuss your own unique situation and how to deal with her.
@longlegsvb1 My Dear Billie. Welcome to CDH and thankyou so much for responding to my earlier post as you are most welcome too. Before I can go part way on this subject I have previewed your profile to gain a little understanding of where you are coming from. My dear friend you are at a place like myself and so many others have gone before.
Billie to give you some background I did create a post on or about the 16 January 2025 of how I came out to my wife. Perhaps find that post and start from there. Since that date I have created a further 8 forum posts with the majority of them that are relating to the same subject. You may have a lot of questions to ask and if you wish I don't mind if you send me a private message. Cheers Gwen
@gwen495 thank you Gwen for reviewing my profile and offering your posts as guidance!!!
@gwen495 I saw the same change with us. It's especially so since we wear the same size in tops and dresses. As we've increased our wardrobe it's always an US thing. Whatever we buy is dually approved and shared. We discuss the fashions all the time and she even borrows some makeup now and then (she's a natural beauty), or some pantyhose. We also wear the same size in shoes and have quite a collection.
It's so much fun sharing everything.
Thank you Gwen for sharing the “changing marriage dynamic”. I am so happy that your wife accepts and participates in your feminine alter ego. My wife and I have compromised to Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.. your article is an inspiration for us to revisit “changing our marriage dynamic” Leonara 🌹
Well done Gwen... Like my good friend Leonara, I think you know that I am also in a DADT relationship with my lovely life partner of almost 25 years.
I wish it could be more open, but in our case that just aint gunna happen.
I thought you would be "over the detch" by now, must be this weekend coming.
Caty.
It seems you have a wonderful relationship Gwen. Retirement can be a drudge where you drift along and each can have no interest in sharing hobbies. Crossdressing is something you now share and clearly she is becoming involved where it has revitalised her feminine side to compliment yours. I imagine two lovely ladies having days out and being closer as a consequence.
It is lovely to read.
@ab123 I never thought about it as a shared hobby Angela but that is exactly what it is. Something a couple can do together. Yet another example of being up front and honest with your SO.
I love this, Gwen! I know a lot of the gals here are navigating unsupportive partner relationships, whether it's DADT or simply remaining hidden so it's always nice to hear stories of other supportive partners. Thank you for sharing your story!
Gwen, thank you for sharing your story! It's truly inspiring, especially for those worried about how this might impact their relationships. I recently opened up to my wife, and to my surprise, it's strengthened our bond immensely. We now have a deeper understanding of each other's needs and who we are, fostering a level of trust, love, and support that I wouldn't exchange for anything. That's what I think anyone wants in a relationship at the end of the day.
-Stef 🌹
That's great thanks for sharing
LexiNicole
That’s great! My own wife (of 30 years this June!) is very supportive of my Joanna persona, and suggests suitable items to add to the wardrobe. Plus she’s been happy for us to go out as two girlfriends since last Autumn!
Joanna 💕
My wife is 95%+ supportive but every now and again, the spectre of doubt creeps in and Becca is, for a while, not welcome.
So enjoy your new freedoms with your good wife but never assume everything is always going to be fine and never take her for granted.
Just a word from the wise 🙂
Becca
xx
@rebeccabaxter Wise words from the Bec’ster here. Wives will ALWAYS be wondering deep down. Upon returning from KS I was asked: “Is this something you want to pursue even FURTHER?” (How many times do I have to say h*** no before she believes me?)
I’m sure I’d be the same way if the roles were reversed. Trusting but always verifying. Sometimes you think negatively…”Does she want me to go the other way? Cut me loose?” But those thoughts are unfounded. Deep down the love always comes to the surface. We’re in this together til the end. She knows I would discontinue anything that was harmful to our marriage. CD’ing would be out the door in two seconds if it were a threat. The fact that it’s not, and that it’s a fun, harmless thing that we both enjoy, is so cool.
My wife only ever wears a dress if she is going to a function. When she does have to wear a posh frock, she often borrows one of mine.
She's always in jeans, leggings, jogging bottoms. I very rarely see her in a skirt. She's been working mainly from home for about the past 7 years. She rarely has to go into the office. She used to wear a skirt to the office, but these days, it's smart trousers.
I sometimes wonder if this is why I prefer to dress as a female? My wife is the bread winner. Even when I was working she earned 3 or 4 times my salary. It's almost as though we've swapped roles. The only time I do traditionally male things these days is when something breaks. I've been fixing things all my life. I made a decent career out of fixing things.
My being out of work since the end of August last year, means that I can be Cerys as much as I like, and this can be weeks on end. I get up in the morning, and I do my face and hair, and dress nice. My wife gets up, brushes her hair, a pair of leggings, a nice top (she on camera most of the day, and that's it. I'm the one getting all girly and faffing about trying to look feminine.
My wife doesn't dress like a man, but she doesn't "do" feminine. She used to, but not any more. I sometimes wonder if my being a crossdresser was what stopped her. She did say once, many years ago, back when I was closeted, that she didn't want to dress nice, as she didn't want to make me fell jealous about what she was wearing. She didn't dress nice because she knew that I wanted to. These days, I can and do dress nice moist days.
My wife fully supports me. She buys me clothes. When we go shopping she always finds stuff for me. If we're going to a party or event, she'll help me choose my outfit. I pick stuff for her too. I've found many a skirt or a dress that would look great on her. She'll buy it, but never wear it. 3 months later, it's either on Vinted or in a charity shop.
Why she stopped dressing feminine, I'll never really know, but I'n convinced that my being a crossdresser has something to do with it.
Cerys.
@dazzler My wife has definitely upped her game when it comes to dressing well and often wears makeup when previously she wouldn't have bothered. I do dress more femininely than her and she mostly wears leggings or jeans, but we both agree that she doesn't look right in a skirt or dress.
@longlegsvb1 30 or so years ago, she used ti like me in PVC dresses etc. Today, she won't even kiss me if I'm in Cerys mode.
Cerys
@dazzler thank you for your openness and honesty Cerys, what you shared is very helpful to me! You look beautiful BTW!
My retirement dynamic is a bit different. I retired a few years before my wife, which meant I had more free "alone time". My dressing took a big up-tick since I had more free time to dress and I explored it and dressed fully en femme more often. When she retired I lost much of my alone time. Now, she has always known and is fine with my dressing, and I do dress with her, but I still dress mostly alone...I just prefer it. What is most interesting, while I have become more feminine, at least in my clothing, she has become more masculine. I enjoy painting my nails, she rarely does, I enjoy wearing make up, she almost never does, I enjoy wearing a dress both around the house and out, she rarely wears a dress unless going to an event where pants are less appropriate. If you walk into her home office, you would never think it was a woman's office. Now, I am not complaining, she lis fine with my more feminine side, and I love her masculine side, it is a good balance of things and our 40 year marriage just keeps getting better and better. Yet in bed we have not changed rolls at all, other than she is often the one totally naked and I am in sexy lingerie. Go figure.
@jjandme thank you for all of that info - can I ask - when did you come out to her and how did it go?
We were engaged, but not yet married. She wa gone for for a month internship and one day I just deciced to wear her panties for the day. I had never done it before, and it was fun and I really enjoyed wearing them. That night when we talked on the phone I admitted I wore here panties for the day, and was still wearing them and they felt great and very erotic. We had phone sex, ahhhh to be young. That was pretty much it. I would occasionally wear her panties when we had sex and one day ask if I could wear her bra. It was great when she clasped the bra on me, and that began the semi regular wearing of lingerie. Soon I was underdressing often which grew into wearing panties often, then regularly. I eventually started wear only panties and often wore a bra. Her response to all this was that they were just clothes and that they did nothing for her, but if I enjoyed wearing them she was fine with it.
Over time I added other lingerie, and eventually outer wear. When I began to wear more outer wewr I told her so that she would not be shocked if she came home unexpectently and found me in a dress. She was fine with it, which was good, vecause not long after she did come home early and found me in a skirt and blouse and it was no big deal. Since then I wear a dress around the house often, and fully dress wuth her occasionally. I do most of my dressing alone because i just prefer it that way, but do enjoy dressing with her as well.
