A night out dressed up at the Pub

In Toronto, a CD/TS social group called Xpressions holds a pub night for its members each month.  This week I decided to get dressed up and attend.  It was wonderful ... I posted a couple of pictures.   One of the girls on this site suggested I write about how the night out made me feel, so this is how I felt.

I was incredibly nervous, and decided I had to go all out.  I bought a new purse, some new expensive pantyhose, and a new pair of flats because I knew I couldn't last long in my heels.  Most importantly, I hired a great makeup artist to help me look as feminine as possible.  I had not been out dressed in a long, long time and had never been out in Toronto.  It had been over thirty years

When the makeup artist finished her work, I stood and looked in the mirror and was both thrilled and terrified.   I was thrilled because she had done such a wonderful job, and it was incredibly exciting to look the way I looked.   I was terrified, because it was the moment of truth ......... I had to walk out of the hotel and into the pub.  It was a very short walk - the hotel is next door, but it was 6:30 pm in a very busy neighbourhood so there were plenty of people on the street.  The pub is a very safe neighbourhood for us girls, but I still had to walk past two guys with beards and tattoos drinking beer ... and I was nervous.  I kept my eyes straight ahead and walked into the pub.  A young women acting as hostess said hello and asked me if I wanted dinner .... I told her I was heading upstairs to the Xpressions event and she smiled and welcomed me.   That was nice.   When I walked into the section of the pub where the girls were meeting, someone immediately came up to me and welcomed me.   I was offered a seat at long table and the conversation began.   I was nervous and therefore probably rambled on too long about "my story", but everyone was patient and welcoming.

Shortly after that, a couple of girls who are members of CDH showed up and I ended up joining them at their table.  By the time I finished that first pint of beer and had spoken to five or six different girls, I was relaxing ... and starting to feel wonderful.

It is funny that some little things were really enjoyable.  loved using a purse.   I had to dive into my purse to get my reading glasses when someone showed me a picture, I had to dive into my purse to get my credit card .... and that was really fun.  Maybe I am more girly than I realized

As you would expect, it was wonderful to feel the dress and hosiery when I moved, and it was wonderful to taste the lipstick and to smell the perfume I was wearing .... but it was really fantastic to sit with other girls and just talk.   We talked about raising kids, shopping for dresses and heels, politics, our individual CD journeys - and we even talked about hockey (Toronto is in Canada after all).  Being welcomed and fitting in while completely dressed as a woman was both exhilarating and relaxing at the same time.  It made me feel that I am not alone.

A big moment came later when I had to go to washroom.   The Pub is called the Fox and Fiddle so I went upstairs and there I stood between two doors - one door said Vixens and the other said Foxes.   I was frozen for a minute or two but decided I wasn't about to lift up my dress in front of a urinal, so I headed into the washroom for Vixens.

I was in the pub for about three hours before deciding to head back to the hotel.   All in all it was incredibly affirming.   The people of Xpressions are wonderful ... and so are the staff at the Fox and Fiddle.

So how did the experience make me feel?  It made me feel like going again some time.