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Very much like you, Vanessa, I fear meeting someone I know and being recognized. That is why I have only gone out when on vacation and in places where I am unlikely to meet people I know.
At the same time, for me it is not so much an issue of passing - at my height and weight and with my weak makeup skills that is unlikely - as it is a fear of not being myself. When I am dressed I am Millie it is important to me to own that - to be me, and Millie is me, just as much as my male persona is. So far I've had people look twice, one person come by for a second, closer look, and one comment. Otherwise, I've been just another person in the crowd - maybe a little different, but basically part of the scenery. And that's fine with me. I'm not flamboyant in either of my personas and am not trying to be the center of attention.
The comment put it all in perspective - he said he wished he had the courage to wear what I was wearing. It was Halloween, so it sounded like a joke, but the way he said it made me think there might be something more to it.
So, it's still a nervous time when I go out, but I just keep telling myself to be me, and not to worry. And then I have fun.
Millie, when you said, "When I am dressed I am Millie it is important to me to own that – to be me, and Millie is me" I just loved that. It's such a beautiful sentiment.
When I was still a crossdresser, the fear of being recognised was initially very high. Over time it slowly abated but never quite left. When I moved to start full time, it was basically rendered irrelevant.
For me, when I started full time, my worst fear was being outed and harassed by a bunch of high school brats. Having weak bones means violence and fights is something I have to be extra careful in avoiding.
Recently my biggest fear was going out and being caught buying women underwear I know its not stepping out but being caught would have been disastrous.
Lisa - I found humor to work pretty well. One time I bought a dress by myself dressed as a guy.
The clerk gave me a funny look
I asked if it was my color.
She burst out in a loud laugh and said yes as she noticed my wedding ring. :^)
Haha, that's awesome Claudia! Hehe, is it my color 🙂
Thank you, Vanessa. That really is the secret for me - to accept and understand and celebrate that I am Millie and Millie is me - just as much as my male persona. Millie just needs more practice - after all, she's only been public for a few years - the other part of me has a 50+ year head start.
Own it with confidence, Millie! That is the only way to do it. You have to love yourself, otherwise the love from others feels hollow and meaningless. My experiences so far have been positive, and any negative reactions went unnoticed by me. I reveled in the positive.
I am near or at the point I'm not sure I care if someone I know sees me dressed. I need to own my own reality, and in doing so discover exactly how real it truly is.
My biggest fear, when I go out, is that my entire existence is a lie and I'm the only one unaware of it...
A little existentialist and over-intellectual, I know, but there we are. Can anyone say trust issues?
My fear or disapointment is being hit on by a guy. It has happened and not sure if he knows if i am a male down under. If he thinks i am a woman, what will happen when he figures it out? I could get dang2rous.
I have just started going out in public. Today I spent the morning shopping in a blouse, long skirt, hat (my wig is a mess), flat heels an a lovely handbag. I passed several neighbours who didn't recognise me, although three shopkeepers did. All three were extremely friendly. I also exchanged smiles with four women whom I do not know. I don't think I passed, but I had a fantastic morning as the woman I am.
Woohooo!!! Way to go Andrea!!! You rock it girl!
There are so many to choose from, it's hard to just pick one. OK so I'm generally paranoid about being called out for being "different". I grew up in the era of intolerance. In younger days as a boy and young adult, I seen what they do to those who were different than societal norms - the "freaks" - most of which was quite ugly. So I guess the worst fear would be being called out as a freak and the consequences that might follow for the situation that I'm in at the time.
My fear always has never being accepted for who I am as a person Clothes shouldn't matter but would always be the fat guy in a dress.
Hi girls 🙂 Love all the courage in here ! I am just the opposite, I want to "get out there"! I am in a really lucky marriage. We shop, practice make up, critique each others clothes ( I usually lose :(). But she has boundaries witch I respect. Don't get me wrong, I push boundaries all the time. My fear is simple, not looking beautiful and girly. Her fear is unacceptance, somewhat for her being with me, but more of a confrontation at me. And I see that and respect her concerns.
Short story, I was with a girl that knew I dressed and I liked to be in the car dressed up. This day I had on my strappy shoes ( my Fav), floral skirt & black cardigan. She was use to me this way. As we are driving down the block her friend stepped out and waved her down to talk. I am screaming "don't stop, Don't sop". Well she stopped. So both are talking and I just kept looking at my friend, not the neighbor. Totally there, exposed. After they were done, I asked "why did you stop?". She looked at me , " nobody cares, what's your problem" Kathie 🙂
