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Hi girls, I haven't dressed completely and gone out for about a decade now and find myself a little afraid to do so. There is an event coming up that I am considering, What do you think is the single most important thing to prepare for it?
@maureen76 the few times I have done it have been spontaneous so nothing to overthink. They have also been away from home and where I won't be recognised.
@annaredhead yes---this will be in another city---and not overthinking it is a good idea---I do tend to overthink things and worry--TY
@maureen76 my first time out was the result of a dare from my makeup artist. I was in a mid-thigh red dress, striped tights and ankle boots with high heels. I felt and (hoped that I) looked good so the MUA said I should just try it. It was such a thrill.
Anna x
@annaredhead Wow----that was a "stand out" outfit --- so you had to be confident!!
@maureen76 Anything but! I felt like the eyes of the world were on me the whole time I was walking back to my car. I drove to quite close to home dressed. I love driving en-femme but rarely do so.
@annaredhead it sounds like when someone pushes/dares you to jump in the deep end when you can barely swim---it might have helped you eventually gain confidence since you did survive the eyes of the world on you
@maureen76 Determine if the location is safe. If not, and you need to change there, will there be a space for you to change and do makeup / wig, etc.?
when you leave, will you have to remove makeup and clothes to get home safely? is there parking? If it is a parking garage- does it look safe?
if you park on the street, are there meters that you must feed? Are you comfortable walking from your parking spot if it turns out to be a few blocks from the event? Can you do it comfortably in heels?
@chanel Thanks for the advice. This is an event held at a hotel ball room---so I will be able to drive in drab---go to my room and change----go to event----change back and drive back in drab ----so luckily, all those concerns met---Hugs Maureen
@chanel Great advice Chanel. I'd add to never walk between cars or near a van. Safe Journey to all, Marg
Confidence.
A young woman once told me that she was impressed by what I wore and the confidence with which I wore it.
So I would say confidence first and the rest will follow.
Lynne
@denimwear Hi Lynne --- Yes confidence important! something I lack and need to work on. TY
@maureen76 It depends on the event. Try to blend in. Don't go "typically tranny". Don't go over the top. Sensible heels, Sensible skirt length (says she!!!!). Smart and respectable.
Most importantly, be confident. Hold your head high and carry on like it's perfectly normal. The more of us that do this, the sooner it will be perfectly normal!
Cerys
@dazzler TY--Cerys---I dress age appropriate---my days of going "full tranny" are long gone---LOL ---Ty for the advice on being confident and acting normal--it is a common theme here so I think it is very true---Hugs Maureen
The most important thing you put on is confidence. The more you act natural and normal, the more people will feel normal around you. If you act like you're supposed to be there, people will accept that. If you act nervous or like you're doing something wrong, people are more likely to think you're suspicious. The best way to make other people feel comfortable, is to be comfortable yourself. If someone gives you a hard time, look them straight in the eye, and don't be afraid, let them know they're the problem, not you. Easier said than done, of course!
I'm always at my most confident when I like my outfit, so it's worth trying on a few things until you feel really good about your look ( and it's fun!). Give yourself time to get ready so you can experiment a bit. Accessories really help sometimes, so give yourself time to try a few options.
Most importantly, just have fun and don't take things too seriously.
@raven188 Sarah that is incredible advice--not just for going out dressed as a woman but for life in general---I have taught as a professor now for over 30 years---I remember the first few times in front of a class how nervous I was but as I got more confident it became a normal thing and I quickly went from fearing it to loving it---it was like being on stage and I was talking about something I loved talking about--- with dressing, it is already something I love doing so the more I go out, the more normal it becomes and the more confidence I gain ---TY Hugs Maureen
Hmm, I don't know. For me, feeling like I look good is definitely important.
I think another important thing is just enjoying it. This might sound odd, but sometimes when you get all dressed up, or after reading stories about sisters going out, you can get to feeling like you "have" to go out. Or like you're some kind of failure if you don't feel comfortable for some reason. I think a lot of confidence paradoxically comes when you don't worry about it. I'm fairly comfortable now going out, but sometimes I just don't feel it, and that's alright too, I think. I remember the first or second time I went to the store, I was really nervous and had pretty much decided to go home. I'd even turned the car around but after a minute, my confidence came back somehow and I turned back around and did my shopping. There's something about giving yourself some space to back out that can actually help.
Another important thing is to prepare responses to what people might say. People never respond the way I expect, but a bit of planning can still make me feel more confident. For example, how would you respond to:
"Are you a man or a woman?"
"Nice dress" (either as a sincere compliment or as a sarcastic cat call)
Meeting someone who's really interested in you as a crossdresser?
Teenagers laughing?
A woman scowling?
Someone saying they disapprove?
When a stranger says hello?
Are you going to try for a feminine voice or just use your regular male voice?
A bit of rehearsal and planning with things like your purse or wallet can help too. If you know exactly where your credit card is in your purse, it looks much more natural when you get it out. If you're fumbling around holding up the line, you're likely to become more nervous. Women fumble around in their purses all the time of course, but making little things like this as smooth as possible helps you feel more natural. Even if you don't pass well, you'll look comfortable and that makes a huge difference.
What are you going to do with keys and no pockets?
How about your sunglasses?
t's not that you need to obsess over this sort of thing, but until you've gone out enough that using a purse is natural (for example) focusing on these can help you avoid fantasizing about all the horrible things that you start imagining might happen.
"Are you a man or a woman?"
"Does it matter?" And the questions were both "Are you a man or a girl?", for some odd quirk of the English language.
Teenagers laughing?
Ignored them.
What are you going to do with keys and no pockets?
Currently, I use a crossover bag, many times without crossing over my body. I do have some nice, small purses for when the right time comes.
@raven188 Thanks Sarah --- I think to sum up what you are saying is "a little planning" goes a long way especially when you are doing something you haven't done before or done very little of--Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 First and foremost, be careful and mindful of your surroundings. Next, be yourself, but avoid drawing any unnecessary attention to yourself. Nest and this is most important, Have fun and be who you are.
Maureen, If you truly want to go…GO! Enjoy yourself and most importantly, act like you belong there and no one will think you out of place. I have been out during the day and in the evening as well and never had a single negative experience. Was I lucky “every time”? I doubt it but I did my best to look nice and acted like I belonged there. Good Luck to You!
@geniv_cd Thanks, I appreciate the input on your experience and the advice---Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 I found that the best thing is to know exactly where I was going and plan it out in my mind. Feeling comfortable with where I was going was of paramount importance for me. I also found that once I got there and was comfortable in the surroundings, I could throw the plan out and just be me.
For me personally, Just be aware of your surroundings, be confident and act as you belong there.
@emily2day TY Emily----you summed up what Lynne and Chanel said---so I think I can take it to heart---Hugs Maureen
A glass of wine🤭😘
It is all about just relaxing and enjoying the experience. Own your look and nobody will care. Obviously use common sense about where you go and don't walk down dark alleys or park in an unsafe location. I am marginally passable, and certainly am not up close or if I speak, but I don't care, and neither does anybody else. Just carry your head up high and be yourself. So what if somebody looks at you and thinks, "that is a guy in a dress." Obviously there aee situations where that would not be a good thing, but most of society these days don't care and are used to the idea of trans/CD people even if they have never acctually seen one.
@jjandme I like the advice that most people don't care and owning your look---which also speaks of confidence ---TY JJ
I would also go with confidence - In yourself, what you are wearing and the location you are going to.
@ab123 Confidence again---this seems to be most important aspect besides safety concerns ----
Since you are in the hotel where the event is being held, there are few safety concerns so...
...head up, look people in the eye, appear confident even if you are not, believe you have the right to be there. Don't fret over it beforehand, just step out of the door and you are away.
Have fun.
Becca
xx
@rebeccabaxter TY Becca--- thanks for the good advice---even if not confident act as if I am --- Kinda like "fake it till you make it" ----the most important thing is not to worry before hand ---Hugs Maureen
Hey Maureen, heaven knows I'm the last girl on earth to be able to help with this, but you've just got to own it hun. This is your night out. Make it fabulous. But keep it safe.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
@chrisfp99 Thanks Chrissie---- I will strive to be as fabulous as you and I think it is pretty safe in the hotel ---Hugs Maureen ----P>S> whenever I hear the word fabulous, I am reminded of one of my favorite British comedies--"Absolutely Fabulous" ---so over the top----favorite was Faulty Towers
@maureen76 thank you Maureen. Fawlty Towers was brilliant, but just made me squirm. I couldn't watch it xx
@chrisfp99 yes---you always knew that John Cleese would eventually loose control and do something stupid
@maureen76 The most important thing is easily just being determined to go. Taking a good long look at the fears that are imprisoning you and deciding they're not serving you well and setting them aside.
EVERYTHING after that gets 100x simpler.
- "I want to go and have fun...but what will I wear?" Who cares? You're going to have fun so whatever you have will be fine.
- "What if I don't know anyone?" Who cares? Now you get to meet new people.
- "What if someone recognizes me?" Who cares? You're out doing what you want to do and you're not hurting anyone so enjoy it.
All you have to do is choose to do it. 🙂
Hmm, the first step is the hardest but you can’t get anywhere without it. What the heck, Just jump in. 
Don't try and be something that you are not. People will see through it in an instant. Just be yourself. When I am out, I am a guy in a dress and I am not trying to be a woman. No disrespect to those who feel they are a woman...you be you.
Not too much more I can add to the excellent advice you have already received but to say enjoy the moment and remember you do belong. Also the best way to counter anyone who may be looking at you in a way you find uncomfortable is to look back at them and smile confidently.
Have a great time.
All great advice, stay calm, know your surroundings and prepare for various situation if they arise. Mostly, enjoy and have fun
Don't sweat the hotel.aspect of your trip. I doubt there is a hotel thay hasn't hosted more then a few CDs. They are used to men checking in and ladies checking out. They area common placed fort CDs to go and change, etc. I have left my femme wear out in enough hotel rooms that the cleaning staff is certainly aware and the front desk has seen me both en homme and en femme with out the least response.
Enjoy your trip. 
