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Today, I had a fairly decent day with crossdressing beside my wife, especially when out shopping in a busy mall.
I was under the false impression that she wanted to do something that I really didn't want to do, but she convinced me that she was serious about going to a mall. Well, OK then. Let's get ready to go out!
I had a plan to get a new bra to hold my newest honeycombed breast forms since they were bigger than the cups of all of my current bras. The forms lifted the gore of the bras away from my sternum, so they didn't sit right. If I wore something tight enough, things didn't look right, either.
When getting dressed, I noticed that she was sneaking a peak, maybe to learn some of my secrets. I rarely dress near her because I don't want to annoy her and make her get her dander up. She now has two obvious concerns with my dressing up in public - shoes that garner too much attention and breasts that are too big. I have a wide variety of shoes from which to choose now, so that wasn't a problem, but I was wearing a large pair of forms at home, so I had to change them first.
I wore a new Danier Leather jacket that I hadn't been able to use yet. Hmmm, somebody had left a religious proselytizing card and a black foam heart cut-out in one of the pockets. Well, that was a first! This light jacket had a deep plunging neckline, so I also covered up with a matching scarf (obfuscation), and to help keep my neck warm. My chest was now barely noticeable. Black skinny pull-up jeans with a control tummy and no zipper and a fairly comfortable pair of black side-zipper shoes sealed the deal. At least there were no comments from the complaint department.
When in the mall, I put away my scarf in my small knapsack and opened my jacket. I had a woman's flannel shirt on that has a small checkered multi-coloured pattern. This makes definition of my breasts very difficult to discern (illusion). I didn't have to do anything more than this to stay under most people's radar.
Eventually, I found the lingerie store that I knew was there - La Vie En Rose. I have always felt welcomed in their stores, but here I was on a mission. Some of the sales staff were chatting among themselves, so I went to their bra cubbyhole and started looking at bras on my own. It wasn't long after that a young sales woman approached and asked if I needed help. Of course I said yes and explained exactly what I was looking for, to solve my dilemma.
I took one of my new honeycomb forms out of my knapsack and showed her what the issue was, using the bra that I was wearing as a guide. We narrowed down the choices to two models. I settled on two basic colours of the same bra. It is full coverage, so that 1) I won't loose a form 2) will have a smooth front without obvious lines and 3) has a gore that sits almost tight against my sternum. Because I measured the bra's chestband, I didn't bother trying one on. They fit perfectly fine.
I had missed their annual bra sale at the beginning of November, so I ended up paying full price. Not cheap, but I was glad to pay it being able to get her good, personal, and happy service with a smile.
At the cash register, she asked me for my e-mail, to start an account with the chain. I had been meaning to do this for quite a while, so that was done. I used my en femme name address and used my credit card with the same name to pay for everything.
Although nobody has yet to make a comment about me crossdressing (STILL!), I was treated with the respect that everyone deserves and received good, personal attention and appreciated her advice.
So, after I got home, I changed into a more casual miniskirt, still have on my favourite brand of bulletproof stockings, put on one of my new bras and stuffed the cups with the big forms, which I now have determined to be C cup in size. No comments from the complaint department, so all is well.
Part of relating this day was to describe how I dress, to describe some compromises that crossdressers need to make, and to reassure closeted dressers that there is always a way to dress in public, even beside your spouse.
Although a couple of other women eyed me, that was the extent of being clocked. (What did I just see?) One boisterous sales clerk was too busy with herself to even notice anything different about me (forest / trees).
You got this. Experiment and get out there, especially since it is winter time soon.
Harriette -
Thank you for describing your day out and purchasing your new bras. You are an inspiration us all.
I like your description of what you wear, it is something that can be worn and unless one looks closely would go unnoticed. I have worn women's shorts out a few times and never got noticed. I also wore a tank top my wife gave me this summer cutting the grass, it was much cooler than my male t-shirts. I have ankle boots I've worn out with knee high stockings and occasionally do underdress in panties. I like the idea of wearing female flannel shirts.
I think it's time for me to do some thrift store shopping to find some stealth wear.
XOXO
Suzanne
PS - I like your idea of having your measurements and bringing a cloth tape measure shopping. I need to do that on future trips.
XOXO
Suzanne
Thanks for your feedback, Suzanne!
When I got the idea that, hey, I can wear women's clothes too, I didn't look for excuses to not wear them. I set out to look for ways that I could wear women's clothes 100% of the time without resistance from nearly anybody. Goal achieved, for the most part, because of my choice of androgynous and casual clothes. Do I have dresses, skirts, feminine blouses and high heels? Of course, but not in public, except on very rare occasions.
On one such rare occasion was when I wore some very short shorts to a casino. At one point, I had no choice but to deal with a cashier. You know how I like to be invisible as much as possible, right? This was not the case walking up to this particular cashier. She was sitting down and she was suddenly faced with some very feminine shorts on, apparently, a male! "Nice shorts!", she said. (So, I guess there actually has been at least one person who has commented on my clothes.)
Always be ready to say thank you for any feedback about your dressing choices, whether positive comments or not. The positive comments are reassuring, the negative ones are useful and helpful because they are actionable - figure out what you did wrong and fix it next time.
If a crossdresser wants to stay under most people's radar, she needs to find ways to do that more often. Measuring clothes on the rack can save many trips to change rooms. The clothes either measure up to your records or they don't. Some clothes, such as tops with sleeves, fixed waistbands on pull-on dresses, or stretchy items, create their own grey areas, though. Dollar stores should have a cloth tape in their sewing section that you can roll up and carry around with you.
If starting a conversation about what I do and how I do it encourages more crossdressers to dress more often, even in public, then that helps us all make crossdressing normal to more people. Again, thanks for your comments.
Harriette -
You make very valid points.
The few times I have been out in stealth mode have been nice without any comments. Should I get a compliment I most assuredly would thank the person, a negative comment would be answered with a "sorry you feel that way" or something similar.
I do have a cloth tape, I just haven't taken it shopping with me. I guess one of the reasons is that I'm usually trying to not be noticed. Of course that's silly as I'm in drab looking at women's clothes. Why shouldn't I be - I could always say I'm looking for something for my wife, daughter or other female relative. Taking time to measure makes sense and I'm going to start that practice.
It's funny when I first started dressing my attitude was if I'm going to present as female I need to wear a dress of skirt and blouse as I can wear pants as a guy all the time. After reading what you have written wearing female jeans or slacks for that matter makes sense. Most people won't notice and if they do probably won't say anything. As for tops there are enough female tops that are androgynous to be able to blend in. As for button down tops for the most part the only differences are the side the buttons are and if there are darts. There are enough tops without darts that they would work.
Thank you for your insight. My shopping will take on a whole new way of doing it from now on.
The hardest part will be to get my wife on board for going out.
XOXO
Suzanne
Very practical discussion, great to hear how you've thought it through.
I've a pair of women's jeans and tee-shirt that I've similarly worn as a kind of half-way between drab and drag! They fit loose, and I usually let the tee-shirt over the jeans. I'd normally wear a drab hoodie over it - but I think you're suggesting other options, certainly worth thinking about.
Thanks for telling us that nice story Harriette. It feels wonderful being treated as just another lady, doesn't it?
I love hearing so many great stories. Obviously if I go to a club or event where I know it’s acceptable I will dress to the nines. But I do wearing a bra and panties to my corporate job everyday and you definitely have to be careful to not show the bra straps they dress shirts. Even a t shirt won’t cover it. So I definitely don’t wear my breast forms to work and typically wear unlined bras so they are easier to cover. I do especially like the weekends when I can stop in Walmart or go shopping and try to dress like a regular woman, but not wear my wig and makeup and people know I’m a man. I really like wearing leggings and in colors for women but especially love faux leather leggings and shiny spandex. I’ll wear a pair of shorts to cover up a bit but I know people see me and know there woman’s leggings
It makes me proud that this conversation brought so many of you out of the closet, to say that you do dress similarly to me or that you are considering dressing like this. The more of you do go out in public, the better for everyone.
If you have any questions for any of us, ask away.
If you can offer tips, then we can all learn from each other.
I am getting to where I have button-down tops with darts and I like them. With the right pattern they aren't especially noticeable, but still they are pleasing to have.
Dani