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So yesterday my wife was out for the day and I decided the take advantage and dress up for the day. I threw on some black panties lace bra black stockings and royal blue dress .
A little later the phone rings and it’s one of my best friends, he just recently had knee replacement. He said he’d hate to ask me in such short notice but his wife got tied up and couldn’t bring him to physical could I give home a ride. I said sure, when? He said in about 15 mins. So I ripped off my clothes but decided to keep my stockings on ( first time I’ve ever really underdressed). Threw on some sweatpants , t shirt and Skechers.
I pulled up at his house and got out to help him in the car when he looks at me whistles and laughs . I say what are you laughing at and he says I see we are wearing our sexy black stockings today. I was like what are you talking about and he points down at my leg,, apparently when I was getting out of the car my pant leg pulled up and stayed up, I wax mortified simply mortified . Here I am no one knowing about my dressing, I haven’t talked with my wife yet and now this happens .
We head on our way and I’m in shock and he says listen don’t worry I know you Cross dress. I was like what are you talking about!!! He said he just assumed seeing all the Halloween parties we’ve been to and just about all of them I was dressed as a woman. I was speechless at this point and if I could cry I would have.
I said listen you are right I am but please understand that my wife doesn’t know, no one does well except you now. Please please can I trust you to not say anything . He said of course we’ve been friends fir 30 years I would never say anything .
I drop him off , have to pick him up in and hour, when I return and we head to his house he said you I was thinking my favorite costume of yours was that sexy nurse, with this injury I could be your patient and he laughed and stunned I half laughed. Now here comes the surprising comment, he said if you ever want to explore your feminine side I am here for you. I said first and foremost I love my wife and those types of thoughts aren’t even a thought as I struggle with just cross dressing and having to tell my wife and now worrying that I can not trust you to keep quiet but your actually coming on to me.!
He abruptly said no no no, Like he thought I cross dressed he thought he read I might be into exploring as well but he apologized several times over. I said fine but can I really trust that you’ll keep my cross dressing between us until I talk to my wife and he said of course.
Well now I’m really on the clock to have the talk with my wife because although I do trust that he won’t say anything the fact that he came on to me as well makes me think twice.
well anyway I’m a wreck now thinking about this, but I felt what better place to come for guidance than my girlfriends!!!
Kandace
It's no secret here that I am in the "Tell The Potential Spouse Before Marriage" Camp. But if that train has left the station, my advice is that it is a conversation that needs to happen NOW.
Trust me, the only thing worse than having The Talk is having her find out on her own that you have been keeping this secret from her.
Take the step, Sweetie. It may seem scary and difficult, but it will be better than the alternative.
Kandace, What an interesting development. If that happened to me I am sure lots of thoughts would be rolling around in my head.
Your friend had already figured you cross dressed from the previous Halloweens so I imagine you pulled off your costume only too good and you did say you had presented as a female several Halloweens. If your wife doesn't have a clue I'm wondering how you pulled those times off without her knowledge. Maybe your wife suspects already too.
You said you've been friends with this person over 30yrs and he has said he would keep your secret so I don't think you have to worry too much. Of course when the cat is out of the bag it can never go back so there is a chance he will tell someone and it could get back to your wife. Only you know your friend and its a matter of trusting him or not. At least now you have someone to share your secret with and you may be surprised at your wifes reaction.
Wonderful that your friend accepts and understands! Maybe it would be fun to dress in that nurse outfit, and ‘tend’ to him, enfemme! Might be a special ‘treatment’ for both of you! Giggle!
I know everyone’s situation is different so I can’t tell you what to do. I recently came out to my wife and she told me that she still loved me. I can tell you that mustering up the courage to tell her was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I had been trying to tell her for years with no success. After talking with some of the ladies at CDH I decided that in my case honesty was the way to go because I could no longer live with the lie. It was starting to affect my mental health but as I said everyone’s case is different. I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide to do.
hugs
AnnaBeth
Thanks so much Annabeth for taking the time to respond I really appreciate it. I am really besides myself with what has transpired, for I know I have to tell my wife but I’m totally afraid. I don’t know why I believe she knows and I feel she’ll most likely be accepting but I’m terrified. It’s gonna happen quicker than I anticipated after what transpired yesterday, but I’m a nervous wreck!
Thanks for the response Stephie I appreciate the time. Really that would be the last thing on my mind, but in addition to my situation it has me really wondering if he got the impression that I was open to that am I giving off that impression when I’m dressed. I must admit that when I dress and go out I do make it a point to be flirtatious to get a response, but he must have picked up on something and quotes honestly I never ever thought he could be Bi. Anyway my one and only focus is my wife and the talk. Thanks again.
Thanks Michelle for the time I appreciate it. Yes I do trust him, but I must admit his advancement thru me for a loop. I mean I must be giving that vibe ? Anyway I do believe my wife knows, I know in my bio it’s says I’ve given many a clue , but I believe she could be in a DADT mode. Anyway I’m a nervous wreck after yesterdays terrible escapade, and I’ll get their having the talk but in the interim the tears keep coming!
Thanks Steph, yes my head is spinning I never ever would have suspected such a forward advancement from him. Sure at Halloween parties we always joked with each other but I never ever did anything that should have given him that impression…. I think ? Anyway my focus is and always will be my wife and the talk, but in the meantime I’m a wreck and must have cried 5 gallons of tears!
Like your friend, I think your wife figured out you're a CD years ago. Women are more observant than men. They pick up on subtle clues that men miss. If you made more than a cursory effort to be feminine or showed any competence at presentation, she knows.
So now that the genie is out of the bottle, you have an opportunity. You are likely in a position to gain your wife's support and maybe even her participation. Don't waste it. Have the talk with your wife.
Best of luck to you.
/EA
Well Kandace what happened with your friends come on, which is what it sounds like to me, has put him in an awkward place as well, with you having the response that you did. As far as telling your wife, it's something that wasn't plan I see, but now here it is and I think after all is said and done you'll be in a better place afterwards. The closet is a very heavy thing to carry on your shoulders and no matter how the outcome is, it's a weight you'll be happy not to carry any longer. You've got the strength in you to do it and we're all behind you, now you just have to do it. I wish you well.
Hugs
Sherri
Sherri,
Thanks so much for your support I really appreciate it. Yes I’ve carried this secret on my shoulders for over 50 years now and quite honestly my shoulders are “ tired “ and I do know telling my wife will take the weight off, I am just such a weak scared man every time I’m almost there, I turn right around.anyway I’ll get there and thanks so much!
Please let us know how you are afterwards, you have friends here who care.
Sounds like you have a good friend there Kandace.
In my opinion and experience it is far easier to open up and connect with females in regard to our love of the feminine.
Societal and gender preconceptions and stereotypes make it harder to open up to, and be friends with men. It is hardwired into most men’s psyche to be seen as ‘less’ of a man if we display traditionally feminine traits. Most men constantly strive to express male testosterone driven traits. So finding a male friend who is supportive of this side of you is a rare and wonderful thing. As long as you are both clear that there is no sexual aspect to the friendship, which you have already discussed, then it shouldn’t be a problem.
B x
