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Some wild topic that came to my mind are we all actually cheaters. Let’s think about this most hide this life style from are SO family friends etc. some are great full to have supportive relationships some do not some end bad and some just don’t want to see. So as I sit here tonight thinking I feel most have hiding this life style from are family SO etc so have we been cheating on them all along. One may think how can this be possible, well we hiding it and then usually drop the mic on them. I can say I personally asked my SO if she knew back then what she knew today would we be who we are today. Answer was no, women married men cause that was there attraction not women. So I feel I have been cheating on my SO and pushing someone on here that she dose not want or find attractive. I feel if she did then possibly she would be more into women than men. Most probably think I’m crazy but am I,have anyone actually asked where they be today if they knew, or they stayed cause there love for them. Cheating just not a physical thing but also can be an emotional thing. So why do we do this to are SO family friends etc. I haven’t a single clue clearly as you can see I have done this myself. Am I a cheater I feel yes, I cheater her in many ways and also become untrustworthy cause I feel we only share what we think they want to hear. Only if they knew are actually thoughts and feelings but unfortunately I feel that would end in a bad relationship. So why do we do this so called cheating, is it just use is it more I haven’t a clue i still do this today. I do have to say my own opinion is I truly feel bad for are SO and others that we effected there thoughts emotions and trust in one another. Unfortunately this is are life and YES I feel we have cheated others to make use happy is that so wrong tho only one can say for them selfs. Sorry for this just was a thought 💭 maybe I’m the crazy one in the end. Think about this tho are you as loyal as you think you are guess the one can only answer
My wife found out about my crossdressing in the first 2 months of our dating, so no, maybe if I didn't cross-dress, we would be in a different place than we are now, and she and I wouldn't have lasted.
Lacy
The worst thing about being a crossdresser is the lies I've told to the person who puts most trust in me. My only justification is the thought that I may be entitled to some privacy, where privacy does no harm.
im not in a relationship with anyone. but if my friends ever found out do i think they would really care? am i still the same person i was before they knew? if they didn't like me anymore than i guess they are not a true friend. I'm not pushing my cd ways on them. i do deserve to be happy and dressing does that. I'm not doing drugs or drinking to be happy. no harm in wearing clothes is there? i always think of dressing as me being a spy or its Halloween and im the only one dressed. if she smokes and you don't is that cheating? id say yes. she's polluting the air i breath. if she uses a sex toy, is that cheating? if it makes her happy then probably not. she dresses up, why can't you? women express their feelings, why can't you?
Quite thoughtful Erin as from all the posts on this it would seem that partners would see it as some form of cheating. It's a secret and partners who you love and trust shouldn't be cheated on and nothing should be hidden.
They married a man and, as you say had they had known this at the start of a relationship it would have ended there and then. It can also break a relationship if it comes out later.
Of course there are exceptions to where a partner will accept this and it be part of the marriage with whatever arrangement is agreed.
Having a secret life like this also plays on the mind of a crossdresser too which also has an effect on an individual in mental health which can also cause issues within a relationship.
So is there a perfect answer? Be honest and open from the start, keep it a secret, who knows as every situation is different.
For me I did tell a partner as things were going well and I was dropped like a hot potato. Another discussed it, she was accepting but we looked at how it would affect the bigger picture and decided it wasn't to be. We are still good friends and see each other many years on. We are both happy so maybe it was meant to be this way. For me I decided not to enter into any relationship after that.
My own opinion is to be open and honest but that won't suit everyone as the dynamics change if you have been in a marriage.
I did not tell my wife before we married because I thought I would no longer dress. That lasted about 4 years before I fell off the wagon and got caught two weeks later. She loved me and tried to be understanding but it was a big eck factor for her and she didn't want to see it so we have had a DADT relationship to it.
She may not have stayed with me had I told her up front but we have been married over 55 years and she says she never once thought about leaving me over that time so we are both happy how things worked out.
Saw this last night and had to think about this before I responded. Cheating, to me, has always been about the physical act of having sex with someone who isn't your SO. Does this include having a sexchat with someone and you both get off on it? I would think it probably should since you are connecting with someone else on a sexual level, even if it's technically not "sex". Does this include when you view pornography and pleasure yourself? Or even just pleasuring yourself to some fantasies in your head? I would probably say no, but I can see why your SO would have a problem with it. I say, if you find yourself in a situation where you keep having secrets from your SO, then that's a problem you need to work on and you're not being fair to your SO. Do you really love your SO if you're keeping that many secrets from them?
In regards to crossdressing, if you're keeping it a secret, then the only one you're really cheating is yourself from having the life you want. I don't want to come off as someone who's judging you all from an ivory tower, because this goes for myself as well. Even though I'm out to all my friends, I do keep my crossdressing secret from my family and from work, but it eats at me every day. Will I get the courage to come out fully, to everyone? That's part of the reason why I came back here, to gain that courage through bonding with others.
When I came out to my SO last Easter, and revealed the feminine life that I was able to lead completely unknown to her while at my own house, naturally she was shocked. She never used the 'cheating' word though. She did say that she felt I'd lied, by omitting to tell her anything about my growing inclinations at any time during the preceding years.
I agree, and have to hold my hand up to that. I knew her position at the time was that she wouldn't accept me as a woman in any way, we would be over if I wanted to transition. We'd been long-term partners, engaged but not married. I guess like Laura @bellaz76 says, essentially she was cheated out of the choice to end things with me during that time.
Luckily, she's since decided to accept me as I now am and we're back together, with me living openly as Fiona with her as I do everywhere else in my life. But it might take some time yet for that level of emotional trust to build back again.
I quit drinking last year. I had a problem where alcohol was a bigger part of my life than I wanted. There were times my wife asked me if I had been drinking or how much I was drinking. Many times I said no or that I had just a couple. I had a stash in the garage and when I would do woodworking or such I would drink.
I have learned and have since apologized to my my wife that the lying and secret drinking were a betrayal. It was not cheating but I was not being honest with her.
I see this the same way. I have been much more honest and open regarding CD than I was with my drinking.
I told my wife about 4 months into our dating, so she could decide if this is what she wanted to deal with and handle. So, I do not feel I cheated in her with my dressing.