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I've been going out en femme for months and for the most part, it's all gone quite swimmingly. I was under the impression that I 'passed' most of the time by looking like an aged librarian (it's my go-to look) and I've been mostly successful in avoiding funny looks.
Today, while at an out-of-town shopping mall, I was clocked on two distinct occasions by two completely unrelated, but very old, men. They didn't just look, they both, in their turn, stared outright, eye-contact and everything; so much so that on one occasion, I almost asked the guy what he thought he was staring at. I've never had it before, and today I felt I was more feminine than usual, so what caused this staring is beyond me. I decided that they were looking at me because they were either a) frustrated cross-dressers, or b) they fancied me.
Apart from these two guys, I didn't have any concerns, in fact, one of the shop assistants commented favourably on my nail polish and wasn't fazed at all.
Lots and lots of favourable interactions far out-weighed the 'clocking', but the two staring old gits annoyed me intensely and put a bit of a damper on the day for a while.
That said, I did buy a lovely faux-fur-trimmed coat which, I think, looks delightful. I might even put a picture of me wearing the coat on my wall later.
Does one small, unsatisfactory interaction put the mockers on your otherwise-wonderful day sometimes, or do you always manage to shrug them off?
Becca
Becca, personally I always choose to accept glances or stares as a compliment wherever I go.
If you haven’t had this before, and today felt exceptionally feminine it’s highly unlikely there where TWO frustrated CDs in the same place at the same time (not impossible but unlikely) the more likely thing is they were eying you up.
sadly , men do the open, unhidden stare a lot when they like what they see.
take this as a win win, you got their attention AND got a new coat ❤️😍😘
Older men fondly remember when women wore good, tailored clothes, girdles, hosiery, the right shoes, etc. If you were out like that then you were appreciated.
Dani
I spend most of my time these days as Cerys. I don't look female. People second look me all the time. Some nudge their friends and point. It doesn't happen too often, but it does happen. Thankfully, I've never had any abuse or snarky comments. Someone wolf whistle once and I'm sure it was sarcastically. I've heard the occasional "that's a man" comment, but never any abuse aimed my way. I have received many nice comments in my clothes and jewellery. People will look. Don't worry about it. It will happen. I've got used to it.
Don't let it upset you if/when people take a longer look. If I see another CD or trans person, I sometimes take a longer look, just to be sure. It's natural.
Cerys
Hi Becca, Glad things turned out OK. I think if you represent a women or even something like a woman it's going to happen. I see this is a regular part of a woman's life from a slight glance to a grab and more. When I was first new and going full time I didn't recognize the situations. Things sometimes got out of hand before I understood what was really going on and the intentions behind the actions. Now My spider-sense goes up very quickly during any interaction with a man. My wife explained how women learn this at a young age, some better than others. Safe Journey, Marg
@rebeccabaxter I honestly don't know. I rarely pay any attention to people's reactions to me. In fact, if I'm out and about and see someone that hasn't yet seen me, I'll purposefully look elsewhere to give them an opportunity to stare 'without being noticed'. At 6'+, 200lbs+, with aggressively red hair it isn't like I'm fooling anyone.
I just feel like walking around, spending energy watching and looking for other people's reactions and then exerting more effort in trying to decipher what I think they might mean is all too much work.
As you seem you have concluded: How can you ever know? So I just walk about minding my own business and so far that's worked out pretty well. 🙂
That is a great topic and very relevant to my last outing as well. I was out a few weeks ago for many hours exploring the shops in town and generally didn't get a second look from people apart from a security guard on my way out of shop who was clearly watching me intently as I walked towards the exit. I concluded that either he'd
a) clocked me
b) was checking me out
or
c) perhaps was just suspicious that I might have stolen something 😀
I just turned my head to look towards him as I walked past and he looked away.
Either way I'll never know and it certainly doesn't bother me, but I still can't help but wonder 🤔
It is entirely possible you were not clocked, but that they were just old men without manners staring at an attractive lady. Women have to put up with these gits all the time.
I do not worry or care anymore. While I do try to be passable, I do not stress over it either and know up close, and especially if I speak, that people will know, so I just don't worry about it. The vast majority of people are fine with it, and for those who aren't, it is theiir problem not mine.
Just a little aside, I was out for a hike and then spent time shopping with out the least attention paid to me. As I 2as approaching a store an elderlty lady was reaching the door from the opposite side. I was a half step ahead of her, so I held the door for her. She had a slight confused look and hesitated for just a slpit second before saying, "Thank you, sir." The impression I got was that she was not sure how to reply and so just went into default mode in her reply. I did not take it personally, but just realized I need to work on my femme presenation.
Hi Becca. First things first I think it is awesome that you are out and about as Becca. I spent far too many years in fear locked in the closet so I admire your bravery to be just living your life while you are Becca.
There are a few points I think to this one. Firstly we are probably hyper sensitive to the way people may look at us which is a good thing in one way that we are very aware of our surroundings from a safety point of view. However it can mean we read too much into things and why they were looking at you can be a totally different reason to what you might think.
I don't know why but as humans occasionally there is something in another human that catches your eye and peaks you curiosity. I have had somebody look at me what I thought was a bit funny while I was in male mode in the shops and I thought "Oh no they have picked out I'm a male dressed up" then realised hang on, it's not that I'm dressed as a male here so I guess anyone could get a stare off someone for any obscure reason.
Finally you have the right attitude of don't let it spoil your day. I walked into a shopping centre one day similar to you thinking I'd done a better than average job on this day than I normally do of being feminine when the first two people I walked past gave me a long look. My brain instantly went into the panic of they clocked me what have I done that looks funny. However when the next two people despite a quick look took no out of the ordinary notice of me and neither did anyone else that day I'm so glad I didn't panic and just run back to the car.
I'd go with option b Becca. They appreciated or fancied you. Maybe the aged librarian is the look that gets their attention.
Well, whatever it was those two blokes were looking at, you too can see it now on my public photographs page in the picture entitled Day out—New coat and draw your own conclusions.
Be gentle 🙂
Becca
Becca, I’m betting they fancied you since there were 2 in the same day. I’m thinking that your presentation was much better than the ones that GGs put forth these days and men now aren’t used to seeing well dressed women. Don’t worry, be happy.
Lovely impulse buy Becca. A well turned out lady will get looks and you probably made those old boys day. Welcome to the womans world...
At least the several comment I read, I did not read anyone saying…
Maybe you caught their attention? You excited them? Could have been a more naughty attractive stare…?
For someone to stare like what I experienced, oh yes, I definitely caught their attention.
I saw no way of knowing what they were thinking. They just looked me in the eyes.
Thinking on about it, last time out I deserved the stares. I was getting out of my car, had left my seatbelt on. So bucket seats + seatbelt = showing way too much leg and knickers.
I thought I regained composure quite well.