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Great post Becca. I recently had an experience that in the moment angered me but in hindsight I’m not so sure I should have been. I was at the Erie gala and outside the front door of the hotel and a couple approached and I heard them snicker so I automatically assumed their laughter was pointed at me. This is uncomfortable but this isn’t what angered me. What angered me was when I returned to the hotel bar I noticed the same couple and the gentleman was staring at me. Not just a passing glance every time I looked up we he was looking at me to the point we made eye contact multiple times. I was getting mad and felt the urge to confront him, luckily my friends told me to relax and not worry about it. I took their advise but one person said “maybe he is staring because he thinks you look good”. This made me wonder, why was he staring? And the next question is why did I let it anger me? And why did I care? It’s kind of sad I allowed this to affect my night, hopefully I’ll learn from this and stop caring what random people think.
@melanieelizabeth Assuming what someone is thinking only through their actions might be misleading.
It's probably best that you let him alone. Confronting someone might not go well, plus it wouldn't help crossdressing in general.
@melanieelizabeth I've decided to do what Anna and Liz K have suggested in replies to my post; I shall let it all flow over me and smile at the perpetrator. If they are looking out of malice then a smile is often the best reply, and if they are staring out of attraction then a smile may well be appreciated. In either event, they know you know they were looking and the problem is back to them.
Get the monkey off your back and put it where it belongs, on them.
Reminds me of when I was a artic (semi) driver and people used to get themselves into terrible situations at slip roads and roundabouts then look up at me as if it was my fault—I just used to smile at them, or better still, blow them a kiss; it was fun, and not stressful for ME at all.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter good advice but sometimes in the moment anger can get the better of me. I wanted to walk up to him and say “take a picture it will last longer.”. Lol
@melanieelizabeth I've got myself into a few of unnecessary scrapes because I opened my mouth before engaging my brain; having reached 70 years old, I think the wisdom of patience and calm is just starting to kick in (about time!).
Wondering what others are thinking is just normal human nature. It is adaptive for for social interactions, but our assumptions are not always accurate. As our mothers always told us, it is not polite to stare. Somebody obviously didn't learn this lesson, but it is his problem that he is rude, not yours.
I had an incident once, but it was not the same.
My friend who ran the crossdresser business from her home asked if anyone wanted to see the play in the park that evening. They were performing Mama Mia. I told her I'd go, but since the park was halfway between my home and hers, I told her I'd meet her at the park rather than at her home. I went en femme.
I got there, bought my ticket, and texted her that I was there. I got no reply, but I know she sometimes runs a little late, so thought maybe she was driving. While waiting, I see a woman I know. It happed to be two of my kid's first grade teacher!
She was staring at me as she was coming down the path. Probably because I looked familiar and she was trying to place me. I was staring back, hopeful she would not recognize me. I finally looked away, and I think that broke the spell. She must have realized she was staring, and moved on without incident.
I decided to call my friend, and she told me she had already entered, and where she was. Because it is just on a hill overlooking a stage, there are no seats or assigned seating, you just bring your own chair, so she made room for me and directed me in. She told me she didn't hear the phone ping from my text. All that tension could have been avoided.
After settling down, I had a great time listening to all the ABBA songs again.
