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Confidence slowly returning

13 Posts
11 Users
28 Reactions
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Posts: 827
Lady
Topic starter
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Since just before christmas, I have not been in the mood for Cerys. I don't know why, the mood didn't take me. After a while I made myself get dressed, just to see if it would kick start something. It didn't. I just couldn't be bothered. Occasionally, I would come home from work and get changed just to get back in the habit. I only work 3 days a week. On the days that I don't work, I never felt the urge. Normally, I'd shower and shave and go full on Cerys, but no, nothing. If I did dress, I wouldn't do my hair and make up, and if my wife and I went out, I'd get changed back into drab.
I slowly started to dress more. Once I went full Cerys Dressed, hair and make up, perfume.... We went out at night to get a take away meal and sit and eat it on a bench overlooking the sea. In the take away, I was seriously nervous. It was like it was my first time out dressed. I didn't speak, I just stood there and my wife did the ordering. Sitting on the bench was OK. It was dark and not to many people about. Someone came along walking their dog. Normally I'd chat and make a fuss of the dog. I just remained aloof. I barely interacted. I was out, at least. A couple more occasions came and went. My wife and I were visiting another town, and we popped in to a coffee shop. It was busy. Very busy. I felt that everyone was staring at me.  I said to my wife that I needed to be outside. I turned tail and left. I have never done this before. Confidence totally gone. 
I decided to force myself into situations where I had to go out and interact with the real world. When I go out, I tend to dress to fit in. I dress sensibly. Slowly but surely, I have started to go to very public places. I've been to the post office. I've collected a prescription..... I've done things that I wouldn't have thought twice about a few weeks ago. Slowly, I was beginning to enjoy being Cerys again. 
Today, we had to visit a town about an hours drive away to collect a watch that I had repaired. It's very much a mans watch. I bought it whilst in Cerys mode a few weeks before christmas. I returned it in drab mode two weeks ago. Today it had to be collected..... As it was Saturday, I decided to go full on Cerys. Shower, shave, hair and make up. I dressed a little to "smart" for mooching around town. My skirt whilst nice was a touch short. My blouse a bit too tight, and I wore heeled ankle boots (sensible 2" heels).
We arrived in the town, parked the car. A queue had form at the pay machine. I joined the queue and started to chat with another waiting. I was quite nervous. Parking ticket bought and put on display we headed to the shops. Lots of charity shops were visited. I was nervous, but I interacted with the volunteers and other customers. I tried things on. We bought a few things. Along the way we stopped for a coffee. This coffee shop had a wooden floor. My heels were very loud on this floor, but I just carried on. I gave myself the advice that I have given others on here. Hold your head high and carry on. This is what I did. We then went to the jewellers to collect the watch. I had to give my male name and show ID. We chatted with the two staff in the shop, and In tried on a ladies watch, but decided not to buy it. We collected the watch and headed back to the car.
On the way home we passed an out of town shopping area. We popped in. Visited many of the outlets. I saw a dress that I really liked, and asked to try it on. I treid it on and went into the shop to find my wife to ask her opinion. I never do this!!!!!! I bought the dress....

Basically this long rambling tale is to tell you that I think Cerys is back!!!!!! She's not hiding away anymore. She's back to being the way she was before christmas. What caused the blip, I don't know, but she's back!!!!!

 

Cerys

 

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12 Replies
5 Replies
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

@dazzler You have described having a pause before and not many others have, so I don't know how common this is yet. But you asked why does this happen.

I have read some of your adventures since I joined and know that you have gone full tilt at dressing sometimes and for a few years. It could just be burnout.

Could it also be related to the reason that you wanted to dress in the first place? Off-hand, I don't remember that detail. Could it be that the reason became less strong for you, for a while? Just curious, throwing the idea out there.

 

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Lady
(@dazzler)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Posts: 827

@harriette I think it could have been burn out. I (Cerys) had a busy time leading up to christmas. My works do, a meeting with ex work colleagues (but still good friends) A rock gig, "Dragged to Church", and new years eve. These were all "special" outfits meaning that I could go beyond "dressing to blend in". These events on top of my normal dressing which was most days. 
I'm still not sure what caused the lack of confidence. This threw me. I'm still a little nervous going into places, but it's much better than it was when I visited the coffee shop. I have never "run away" before.

 

Cerys

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Lady
(@denises924)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 210

@dazzler 

Thanks for sharing Cerys. I am in a bit of a lull of a few months, since I only get the opportunity when I travel. I have several trips upcoming, but I am not feeling my usual excitement and anticipation. These days it feels like a chore to start prepping, as opposed normally planning and making some purchases. Your story has me thinking that of course it will be delightful to dress again. Once I do it, all the sweet feelings will return.

Denise
❤️

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5210

@dazzler That's fabulous Cerys.

It's interesting how crossdressing can have incoming and outgoing tides (and sometimes large-scale coastal flooding) like this.

Tonight I'll open a bottle of wine and raise a glass specially for you 🙂

Big hugs

Ellie x

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@dazzler 

We all need to take a break from things, to recharge batteries and rekindle enthusiasm.

Crossdressing isn't an easy lifestyle choice. It brings its own pressures. Burnout is a real thing, and stepping away for a bit is often the only option. And as we all know, the urge always returns, sooner or later. It's who we are.

Good to have you back, Cerys!

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Posts: 1325
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I think many of us have times when we just can't be arsed to dress. It hasn't happened to me much as I am quite new to the activity, but even so I occasionally just want to go and work on my motorbike or do the garden dressed in jeans and grotty trainers. I sometimes wonder if men too have a 'monthly' of sorts when hormone changes make things that seemed a good idea a couple of days ago now not very interesting at all.

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Posts: 7828
(@aliceunderwire)
Illustrious Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Welcome back Cerys!

Alice

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Posts: 2108
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Cerys -

Welcome back - glad you found your feminine self. Your outings sound like fun.

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 225
Guest
(@Anonymous 94505)
Estimable Member
Joined: 1 year ago

I can relate to this subject. Whilst dressing is always there in my thoughts the actual need to dress is not as strong. Then the switch is flicked and its dressing time or a makeover. The boring times make the good times great!

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Posts: 1325
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I couldn't be bothered to dress today so sat watching the snooker on Eurosport while painting my nails; decadent or what!

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Posts: 3437
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Welcome back Cerys. Maybe with all the excursions and parties over Christmas was a factor. Perhaps it is a kind of reset after the rush, a subconscious - 'What the heck am I doing!' In some ways I have gone through those phases and think the male side is asking some questions about where this is going, I know mine did. However Cerys is back and getting in stride.

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

If anybody remembers the Almond Joy and Mound's candy bar ads..."Sometimes you feel like a nut, Sometimes you don't". Sometimes I feel like wearing femme items, and sometimes I don't. I might just wear panties and a bra, or I might put on a dress, wig, and make-up. 

Just do what you feel like doing and not worry about the why or the when.

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