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Hello to all you lovely ladies. I have been gone from the site for a year or so. I purged and stopped dressing as my internal battle with my desire to cross dress and the shame and guilt that eventually causes me to purge rages on. I have recently starting to dress again buying some lingerie. I have never tried to pass, ie make up and wig, but at times have dressed fully including breast forms and complete outfits (in private). I know I am not alone in this struggle and am hoping lean on the members here for advice or personal stories that they would like to share to help me with my struggle. Thanks, Sasha
It's an extremely hard thing to overcome Sasha, it's an almost 'fight or flight' situation. There are many posts on this forum which echo your feelings.
My own thoughts are that if we have been bought up as male then all the expectations have to be lived and therefore ingrained in our psyche so dressing is difficult to reconcile against that need. It may explain the guilt and purges as the mind cannot properly process this need to dress then of course the guilt that this is wrong and also what happens if someone finds out.
The one thing that is high here that it is quite a normal reaction and quite common too and the fact it will probably never go away. What you will find if you delve into older posts and features is a wealth of information and experience in dealing with the thoughts, rationalising them and dealing with them. There is so much support here and helpful words to help you try to understand yourself and work out where you wish to go.
So always feel free to express your thoughts as even just writing and posting is a relief to know you are being heard.
Hi Angela, Thanks for your support, love and advice. Sasha
I agree with Cheryl and followed a similar path. I just came to accept that I enjoyed wearing women's clothes and that it brought me pleasure...just like any other hobby. Just like any other activity, one needs to find the right balance. I would love to ski nearly every day, but that does not fit my current life conditions, so I find a way to ski as often as possible without creating other problems in my life. Dressing is really no different.
There is no reason to feel guilty because you put on a dress, any more then a pair of ski pants. Both are just in pursuit of a fun and pleasent experience. If others have a problem with me in a dress, or going skiing, it is their problem, not mine.
I have purged so many times that I have lost count. I agree with Rebecca that long term storage is the way to go. When I moved in with my girlfriend (who is now my wife), I did just that. I found a place in the garage, on the upper shelf, behind a bunch of other things that are stored there, where my wife would never look. This would allow me to have a bit of girl time when my wife was out, so my recommendation is to find someplace close at hand, so when the urge does return, and you have the freedom to do so, you can have some Sasha time without having to go through the struggle of buying a whole new wardrobe.
As far as guilt and shame goes, well, shame is why us closeted crossdressers remain closeted. It is out of the fear of getting caught and publicly humiliated, but the truth is, I have learned from my shopping excursions, that most people are not bothered by it (see my posts about shopping experiences, and early shopping experiences for details), so the humiliation is unjustified. Guilt? We're not hurting anyone or causing harm to anyone by dressing in secret, correct? Therefore, there is nothing to feel guilty about. I think that applies to shame too. We just do what we do in the privacy of our home, and it really doesn't affect anyone else. No reason to feel shame or guilt.
For what it is worth, I can relate to your struggle. I think what really helped me was accepting that no matter how much I try to "quit," I know and accept the urge will return. My solution. I accept and embrace that I enjoy crossdressing. I also accept that I will never actually quit. I keep it private, so it really doesn't affect anyone else. If someone wants to invade my privacy, that is their bad, not mine.
I hope this helps.
Hi Patricia, Thanks for your support and advice, seems clear I just need to accept dressing as part of who I am and not worry about what others think about what I do in my private time. Sasha
Hi Sasha
I'm another one here who has in the past been so happy in the pink fog of dressing followed by the guilt, shame and purging cycle. As the other girls here have said you aren't doing anything wrong. In fact you are just being who you really are. That is why the need to dress always returns. That seems so simple to say but to accept that you are just being who you are in your mind can be a different story.
I can only talk of my experience but once I did finally accept that needing to dress was just a part of who I am it changed my world as I was no longer ashamed of myself. I was for the first time actually proud of myself. This gave me confidence and helped me in some things that have nothing whatsoever to do with dressing.
I wish you luck Sasha with your current struggle. Please know there is lots of us here who have gone through something similar that you can reach out to and are more than happy to listen to you help where we can.
Olivia
I have purged and felt guilt many times over the years. I told my wife of my CD tendencies, she didn't like it but understood it and as long as she didn't see me dressed she accepted it. This did not help my guilt feelings but I accepted her wishes. She died 6 months ago and now I dress all the time at home and sometimes when going out, I would rather have my wife and be in the closet but it is what it is and the guilt has gone.
I think what I am trying to say is that we all live in different situations and what is good for me might not be good for you, but for me honestly is the best policy. To that end a few weeks ago I came out to my longest female friend who told me that I was disgusting, she has agreed to see me tomorrow to discuss our faltering relationship, I hope we can get back to where we were but I will not change my stance on CDing, I am trans and that is that and I love it!
I have purged so many times I’ve lost count. I have also just gone through a long period of not dressing there were days when it was almost unbearable not being able to satisfy the urge other times I would go weeks without even thinking about it. I have still been buying clothes as and when and stashing them away for when I get the chance (well you can’t turn down a bargain faux leather skirt from Next for £13 ) luckily this is the week I’m away on a training course for a few days I’ve packed more female clothes than male and sitting in my hotel room having a wonderful time but all good things will come to an end and I don’t ever see my dressing becoming the norm just have to pack it away until the next opportunity I really don’t want to purge again this sequin dress is just too fabulous but who knows the urge to purge can sometimes be as strong as the urge to dress xx
Welcome back Sasha. I have struggled in the past but since then I have come to embraced the wonderful people here on CDH. Don't leave us...We need you as much as you need us.
Thanks for being you.
Huggs
Bree
can't say i ever purged. i stopped buying like i use too. i like my clothes. they make me happy. i like showing them off. i can't imagine not showing them off. i love the complements and looks i get. if i purge it will probable to get rid of clothes that don't fit or i don't wear anymore. i think if you went out and people could see your clothes, it would make them and you happy. a few complements would give you the confidence you need and lessen the guilt. you need to think positive and people will respect that. if your happy they will be happy for you too. i can't imagine staying in the house dressed and never going out. i guess my confident level is super high. if you do something that makes you happy, you will live longer. don't let other people run your life. you only have one. make the best of it.
@hiddentruth Hi Sasha, I would suggest that while you're dipping your toe back in the pool - clothes, makeup, etc - that you really settle in with trying to accept it all. Given the purging pattern, it may seem easy to 'accept' it in the early stages because it's exciting or fun again, but what I think is needed is the mental prep for when the guilt and shame start to creep back in.
Have you worked with a therapist on the topic? Not in trying to figure out why you dress, but rather just to help determine why the shame always comes back. I think that once you get your arms around the answer to that, the battle to conquer it can truly begin.
Welcome back and best of luck! 🙂
Altho I am not psychologist by any stretch, I do think that the guilt/shame cycle that so many of us either have been or are still in the throes of comes from childhood. This is one way in which I think I was at an advantage as one who did not start to CD until age 69. In doing so I have felt none of the guilt or shame that so many describe, and certainly not the desire to purge or cleanse myself of the urge. As an adult I do not question my motivations, gender or sexuality, especially in light of the fact that no one is harmed by what I do. Breaking THAT cycle seems at the core of how one must proceed - and a professional might help you do that.