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I know this topic has probably been seen before, but I wanted to bring it up anyway. Yesterday I got dressed in one of my new dresses. I was so happy with the way it all came together. The dress fit really well, the makeup went on really well. I even got the eyeliner and lashes on the first try.
So, I was wondering if any of you have had a day like this when you saw the real woman in the mirror and just didn’t want to go back to that boring male that you started the day with?
I know that’s what happened to me, but just wanted to share and see if anyone else has had the same experience.
OMG yes! Countless times. From my teens until my fifties.
It didn't matter what I was wearing. It was enough that I was presenting as a female. I'd go for as long as I could and then I'd have to go back to 'him'. That was always a big letdown. Putting 'her' back in the closet, as it were. That always sucked.
I'd go thru cycles of elation and sadness. I think it was an early sign of dysphoria. Eventually the social conditioning would kick in and I'd purge everything. A few weeks later the cycle would repeat itself.
The dots started to connect 10 years ago. Now I get to be me all the time. There's nothing to go back to.
/LK
Thanks Jennifer! I know the path I chose isn't for everyone. For some of us, transition is the only realistic path to happiness. Sadly, circumstances often get in the way. I'm one of the lucky ones.
/LK
@jennconn Today, I had one of those days. What you suggested can be done.
In my style, not flashy, I left home in the morning for a relatively big day abroad.
Yes, I had medium sized breasts forms, but my fall jacket can obfuscate them reasonably well, if necessary. The difference was that I wore pointed-toe, open-top black pumps with a 1" heel for my first time and black stockings (the illusion is that all black feet don't attract the eye of observers). This is actually a pretty bold step for me in public. There is no illusion that can hide bright shoes well for long, even with long inseams, especially if they are noisy.
I had some walking to do first, so I carried the pumps in my small knapsack. When I got to a big mall, I slipped them on while in a quiet corner of a store. I wanted to test these shoes for comfort*, for being observed and gauging reactions, etc. The first thing that I learned was about the ticky-ticky noise that these hard heels made! Uh oh.
I had a mid-afternoon Dr appointment and wanted to stay dressed as much as I could for as long as I could. I interacted with a few sales clerks and at a fast-food restaurant, some of whom looked at me a bit sketchy, and had fun with another young clerk who stayed with me and did her job well. I asked her about the store not having any skirts, so she tried to suggest getting a dress, for instance. (I already have enough dresses that I rarely wear.) It took her a moment, at first, but there was full acceptance on her part. I could see that she was very comfortable with me. The same reaction happened in a lingerie store when I asked about bras that would hold my forms more securely. She was helpful and I thanked her for that.
Going to the appointment, I had to get on a crowded bus (good for hiding my shoes) and a not so full subway train (not so easy to hide), walked through a reasonably busy mall and signed in for my appointment. Nothing was changed for being in the office. Breasts forms and the noisy shoes stayed in place. Afterwards, I needed to get home and stood in a crowd waiting for my last bus. I was invisible to most people.
There were a few stares throughout my journey, including a schoolgirl in the bus who saw my shoes and then looked at my face, but that was it. This was a pretty big step for me because I usually don't push things too much for such a full day.
However, to your point, all of this is not all that different from how I normally dress, all of the time. The shoes were unusual and staying dressed this way for my appointment was definitely a big step, though. Dressing androgynously but definitely wearing all women's clothes doesn't push a lot of people's buttons, so if you are hesitant about leaving home, think about how you can do it in public more often. It isn't all that difficult or scary.
Nobody said anything about the way that I was dressed. They obviously knew something was up, it was kind of obvious. I could see it in their faces and could see some of them looking at me from top to bottom. In some way, it would have been better if somebody had said something. That could denote some kind of acceptance.
* One shoe needs a good stretching, the other one is fine. This was my first time wearing them, so it was a bit risky.
@jennconn It wasn't so much that the heels were high, but the pointed toe and open top pump style were dead giveaways. There was no way to hide those details, except by having a dark colour.
@jennconn Jennifer…everyday, when I slip off my night dress and pull on a pair of stockings, I just want to be the woman I am all the time, forever.
I hurt myself recently and cannot drive long distances, so I am spending a week or so working from home….I am full time Christine and loving it.
Hugs
Christine
@jennconn I know this feeling all to well. It’s happened many many times when I’m dressed. I know have to change as kids coming home, friends coming over, a function to attend and I’ll push it to the very last second to stay dressed.
@jennconn I think this every time I dress and see myself as Lizzy in the mirror as I look so fab and stylish compared to plain old male me. But I couldn't live as a woman everyday as it would be a pain to do make up and shave my legs everyday. That's why I'm happy just dressing occasionally as it is nice bit of escapism.
@lizzy89 s true Lizzy, but I definitely know exactly what you mean it is so hard to be female, way too much work.
@jennconn I am a bit lazy though as I work from home most of the time I don't even bother shaving every day, so it would be way too much effort for me to shave and do make-up everyday. Kudos to all the women out there who manage to look fab everyday as I know it takes a lot of effort.
@jennconn yes, last year. I love the dark goth look but i slay the pink/lighter colours look as they generally slim down more. Last year i bought this awesome 2 peace pink and white lotus tree dress. It had a japanese vibe but somehow with my blonde wig and bright red lips it looked amazing. I never felt so pretty. I was just staring at myself untill i had to get changed again. With pain in my soul i ended my dressup session. *sighs*
Hi, Jennifer, I can't say that I never want to go back to drab but I am often reluctant to do so. Especially if everything has come together to create a look that I adore, that never happens in drab.
Certainly, after my first (and, so far, only experience of the magician, Tracey Galligan) at LFF in October, I really didn't want it to end.
For me, the joy of crossdressing is enhanced by the change from male me to Allie and, while I'd love to be able to choose which mode to be in every day, I do need both sides in order to be happy.
Good topic, thanks for raising it 😊.
Allie x
@alexina I’m exactly like you Allie, the change from male to female is just so intriguing to me. I didn’t think it would ever happen.
@kimdl94 I usually do to Kim, but sometimes it’s so strong I really miss my fem persona
@jennconn That hasn't happened to me since...hmmmm, let me think......yesterday!!!!
I don't expect that it will happen again until .....ummm,let's see ....... today!!!!
I can to the conclusion not all that long ago that I am actually trans so going back to male mode is distressing to me at a minimum. Looking forward to the day when I can finally go full time and these feelings are in my rear view mirror.
@lauren114 I’m happy for you Lauren, I hope you never lose that wonderful feeling
@jennconn Definitely in my younger "passable" days, which has long passed and are just fond memories. But most recently, "prior to Covid", when the wife and both daughters were away for a few nights on a "picking" a college road trip and I had the entire home and the privacy needed to be "Tiny", I was able to live my secret life, literally, 24/"not" 7, but 2...and it was like heaven on Earth. The desire to venture outside in public was strong, but not meant to be....those days, as mentioned, are long gone; yet being able to release that woman who lives inside me and give her the freedom "to live", if only for those days...not having to "watch the clock" and turn back into "a pumpkin"....this was my my true Cinderella dream days. Being able to climb into bed as Tiny, then waking up, the same....it was a pleasure totally enjoyed and sadly, ended too soon. God only knows if this opportunity will ever return, but until then...."dreams are forever" and I remain positive that it will.
@tinytinkerbell I know exactly what you’re saying, and feeling, when I am away up north at the cabin and I’m able to dress up for nighttime/bedtime lotta times when I wake up in the middle of the night. I’m rubbing my hands all over my silky night gown, just the desirable feeling the softness, the curves and the fullness of my form breast, the silkiness on my panties the smell of perfume in the air ,then the realization I got to get up. Hurry up change, put everything away spray some bathroom cleaner ,by morning before somebody comes home, and think to myself what a awesome night, but back to reality,
@drose4evr What can I say, Darlene....we are ALL "birds of a feather, flocking together"....and this is exactly how it should be...!!!
@jennconn Since I don't get many opportunities to dress, I really hate having to undress. Removing my forms makes me especially sad. If I had the freedom to dress as I chose, I think I would generally wear all female clothing at home but I'm too lazy to apply full makeup unless I had a good reason like wanting to do a photoshoot or going out en femme. Once made up though, I know I would want to stay that way as long as possible.
@michellemybell for me Michelle, it’s full dressing with makeup. I don’t mind putting on the clothes, but I always look in the mirror and think how much better I’d look with my makeup. It’s in those times that I do t want to go back, but I know I have to.
@jennconn O Yes,Every time I am dressed as Michelle whether in booties and jeans or dress and heels,I try to delay going back to my male self for as long as I can.The last thing that comes off is my nail polish and I have even thought about leaving it on and being my male self with polished nails.
@jennconn From the time I was 4 and first started dressing, I wanted that.
@pattyphose it’s so nice that you are totally committed Patty, especially at such a young age.
@jennconn Even back then when I slipped into my nylons, heels and dress, I felt so nice. I wanted to sty dressed that way and feel that way all the time.
I think I was lucky and fortunate in that as I got older I got to enjoy and experience the femme lifestyle more and more.
@jennconn Happens to me, every time i dress, now. I have found myself so content and deeply happy while dressed. It gets really hard to put it away. I basicly want to stay dressed all of the time.
We appear to be in the same place on this.
@jennconn Every day, Jennifer, every day I feel that way. It's not possible at the moment, but since the possibility still exists there is still hope. But yes, I dread having to go drab more all the time.
@jennconn Yes. Sometimes I get dressed up - partial or all - and it seems like the stars align or something and it just feels like that I don't want it to end. I want this "feeling" all the time.
@jennconn Ohh yes! I completely understand what you mean. Same here, always a pity to undress, clear my make-up and be that boring Mark again 🫣
@sandra73 I hate it too Sandra, being a girl is so much more exciting than a boring old man!
@jennconn Oh yes, Jennifer! There are days when everything just falls exactly into place and they are the hardest days of all to return to my male existence. However, there are also days when everything goes to pot, usually when I'm rushing to make the most of any available dressing time. Still hard to return to male mode, though, even on a bad day!
@jennconn: I consider myself gender fluid, but only because I have to be; domestic reasons.
When fully dressed en femme; I hate having to revert back to "male mode".
Hi Jennifer, a great question!
And I suppose for most of us it is probably every time we dress - but some days may be more significant. I only normally get to dress when I am away alone, or when the family are away without me. In a house of 5, I rarely get time alone otherwise - or at least not enough to dress fully femme - so when I do, I never want to get undressed and go back to drab old me....
In recent times, I have bravely dressed up for work, twice - firstly for Halloween as "Jenny the Witch" (short black lacy dress, black shawl, black tights, heeled boots, full make up with purple eyeshadow, purple lipstick etc, a long pink wig, pointy hat) and secondly, just last week as Mrs Santa "Jenny" Clause (long flowing dress, boots again, make up, wig etc.) (there is a pic in my public photos if you want to see)
On both occasions I had the most amazing days - colleagues were somewhat shocked but enjoyed the fun too - it gave lots of laughs and lots of good natured teasing of course.... I think I may have aroused suspicion with a few mind, but it was just for fun (though I exploited the opportunities of course!) I even raised some money for charity for the Halloween occasion, as I asked colleagues to "sponsor a witch" - which they generously donated to!
So in both cases, I didn't want the days to end, and wanted to stay dressed forever (though I was roasting hot in the Mrs Santa outfit if I am honest!)
My family also got to see me - they all thought I was mad I think.... so this was the first time they had seen me en-femme, though only my wife knows the real reason I dressed up...she saw straight through my rouse, but was somewhat OK with it - I'm hoping it will have helped a little with her acceptance of my love of CD'ing.
Jen x
@jennyphose congratulations Jen, on being able to find an “excuse” to be dressed twice. It sounds like you hard so much fun and I can see why you didn’t want to change back. I think Jenny Claus looks incredible.
@jennconn Hi Jenn! Almost every time I have a chance, since I don't get too many. As you and I have chatted, I don't have a lack of femme wardrobe, just a lack of opportunities. For me, it's which outfit do I put together for the one or two days that I may have an opportunity for. Yes, when able I keep things on as long as possible. For the most part, I don't go out, but I do have a large house, with a bit of land which is nicely shielded by vegetation from the neighbors, so I'm a bit like Rapunzel with a larger place, both inside and outside that I can strike a pose. The few times I do go out the feeling doesn't change. XOXO Karensa.
absolutely
Lacy
ooooooo absolutely when time is available I go to bed as Erin and wake up for a sec like I wish I was a lady even sorry doing a double take on feeling me forms if there real or not 🤣🤣🤣🤣 dose you form post have to do with this purple dress I seen earlier you looked absolutely stunning gorgeous so beautiful 😍
The clothes and lingerie yes! To be honest though I eventually do want to take off the makeup, wig, and breast forms. what at first feels fun and exciting can start to feel a little annoying after a few hours. if it were socially acceptable for men to wear them I would probably wear skirts and dresses many days out while still presenting as male. I think they are a far superior garment to pants for doing anything other than manual labor or work.
@jennconn In Scotland man traditionally wore skirts (without underpants). During the rennesaince period man wore wigs and shoes with heels (ok...not heels like we have on mind but thats a detail hahaha).
What I "feel" in society is a more and more conservative mindset. Perhaps the "gender-woke" community did not bring us what we wished for.
Love from Holland 💃
@coloradog1 I hear you Natalie, I’m good for 3 or 4 hours and then time to put it back in the box for awhile.
Hi Jennifer, thank you for bringing up this topic. I've had the same exact feeling happen to me more than once! I've wanted to have more places to go and not be limited by the time of day. When my outfit helps me feel my best and I get so energized, I don't want the day or the feeling to end, period! Sometimes I can continue the feeling the next day and that is truly wonderful! I wish every one could have this feeling happen at some point in their journey! Thank you!
@stanley it’s such a wonderful feeling that for me has to end, but too bad. Thanks for your response
Actually, no I do not. While I love to dress and it jas become a very important part of me, I just enjoy it while I am dressed and am happy and content when I don't. As I wrote in the "Thrill is Gone" thread, dressing is a hobby I enjoy while doing it and look forward to the next time I do it, but for me it is just a hobby I enjoy.
@jjandme I agree, JJ.
For me, it's all about balance. I need Lisa in my life as much as my male counterpart. Without my masculine and feminine sides, I wouldn't be the person I am, nor would I likely have achieved the degree of success in my professional career.
Lisa Ann
@lisadouglas Exactly Lisa Ann! For some of us here crossdressing is not “escaping reality”. It’s enhancing it. Another added addition to the continuing pursuit of a successful life.
I need both in my life. Whilst I stealth dress most days, having both sides makes me who I am.
Anna xx
So true. Whilst I need to dress all the time, the times I do are special, and very pleasent. Dressing opens a whole new world our, or at least my for me of opportu ities our male selves miss. I just finish a nearly hour and half mani/pedi to end my month long trip in Africa. It was wonderful to just sit while two ladies worked on my hands and feet. A month in the ocean, rivers and bush took a toll on them and the wonderful ladies of Africa set them right...plus a nice gel coat of a subtle silver and I am good to get on a plane back to the states. That and pervious make overs make for very enjoyable experiences we men do not normally enjoy...not to mention all the fun clothes and lingerie we get to play in.
A topic that keeps coming and resonates so much. To me you always look good but know what you mean.
Indeed Jennifer there were days when I just didn't want it to end, those days as you describe when it is just right, everything feels so comfortable, so natural.
For someone like yourself at least you know that there will be the next time and for me it drove me forward to work out how I can dress all day, everyday. It happened.
Some days are just days where everything is okay, nothing special, drab days as such but there are those days where, yes I feel special and everything is right.
That feeling never goes away.
Yes Jennifer I know exactly what you mean. I wish I could just be Nicki forever but I know that can never happen so life goes on. I adore every minute I get to be my true self.
@nickicd it’s what keeps us coming back Nicki, thank you for making me realize it.
The part where you say “happy with the way it all came together” is what struck me in your post JC. Sometimes you’re getting ready and you nail the makeup, you brush out the wig to perfection (then put it on straight!) and you’re really stoked about the perfect new dress you’re about to put on. Then you see yourself and think: “not bad.” Then pics and hanging out a bit. Now I can see for a lot of girls the next thought is, I look so good I’m going out! And then you went out on your deck. You came out of the pink fog into broad daylight.
I’m beginning to understand the desire for progression in the undertaking. Not the least of which are the thrilling aspects involved.
GP
@jennconn I try to add to Private Photos pretty regularly JC…that’s enough showing off for one girl🥰
I find there are times when my dressing opportunity ends too soon and I'd like to stay en femme longer, but never permanently. I revel in the creating an alternate female persona and making that persona as believable as I can. I recognize also that Kris is a product of my imagination to whom I have imbued both personal and physical characteristics. I'd like to think that during the time I am presenting as Kris I AM her, but when the time comes to return from fantasy - whether it be from a photo session or out and about I do so - albeit sometimes reluctantly.
@jennconn And I’m right there with you ladies. The other thing with coming out of the pink fog is all that work I have to do to return to drab. I do look forward however, to that moment when the wig comes off and the face is still on. It’s clown world in my own bathroom🤣
I see her every day and never want her to go away.
I had that problem for a while after I first started going out in public. Five months later, I solved it by deciding to live full time as a woman. Problem gone!
As Angela said it waxes and wanes on occasion when you are 24/7 but it never really goes away. There's always some level of feeling feminine on a daily basis.
@d44 I have to say I have nothing but respect for you Fiona. It takes a lot for a man to declare he’s just going to start living as a woman. Full time. It sounds like something I would do, even though I cannot imagine doing it, if that makes any sense!
I guess I just really admire your position of: “You wanna see commitment? I’ll show ya commitment!” I’m seriously impressed by you and I wish you were my next door neighbor🥰. (Either you or Becca!🤣)
GP
@gracepal Thank you so much for your lovely comments Grace. Turns out in my case it was a relatively easy transformation. I understood and accepted that Fiona was the real me so it sort of felt like I was coming home, I was now in the right place. Thank you again.
I guess I just really admire your position of: “You wanna see commitment? I’ll show ya commitment!” I’m seriously impressed by you and I wish you were my next door neighbor🥰. (Either you or Becca!🤣)
Wow. Grace, what a lovely thing to say, I'm quite welled-up. The sentiment is, of course, mutual.
Becca
Hi Jennifer. OMG YES!!!! When I have the luxury of time, I like to dim the lights, have my eyes half closed and slowly dress and enjoy the feeling of the panties snug fit, feel the fabric against my skin and let go of my male self and have girly thoughts. When I am dressed, I like to walk around in the dim room feeling sexy and desirable. When I am ready, with my eyes still half closed, I brighten the room to say, candle light, pose in a chair with my legs crossed ,look into the mirror and see karley!!! My male side is so glad and aroused to see her.
I give him a girly kiss and hug. I thank him for the cute dress I'm wearing and happy it excites him. He and I have intense and intimate conversations and am touched by how, since joining CDH, he is more in touch with his emotions. He cries on my shoulder wishing he could be me all the time. I passionately kiss him and tell him he is me all the time and have always been. It was very difficult at first, we would play, and then he would be ashamed, and vow never, ever play with me again. He did not understand at the time, the magic moment when he and I were "one", both blue and pink. That was his true self, not what the world was trying to make him be. It was a difficult journey. Now, we are partners, we live in a world that most will never understand and have insights most will never see.
