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Not the community here on CDH. As all of you know I recently shared a post about finding inner peace and self love. I also shared that post to other CD sites in those post I admitted to using faceapp to remove my beard and add make up. 10 moths out of the year I have an Irish red beard. I don't see the point of going through the process of shaving doing make up etc. Just to take pictures around the house and my back yard. The pink fog will randomly hit and I want to dress up feel pretty and take pics. The amount of hate and tearing down I got just disappointed me. I was told You are not a cder unless you live as a woman, You are not a cd if you have a beard the rest of the year, You are not a cd unless you are planning on transitioning, If you really loved yourself you will live fulltime as a woman, Inner peace comes with becoming the woman you want to be and not live as a man, and more. It was filled with we want to push our agenda on to you. This is not what I signed on for I am me, we all are our own induvial we are all on our own journey. I feel like the Cd community as a group of sisters to stick together help lift each other up and support each other. In a community where there is a seedy under belly a bunch of pervy men putting on a dress trolling for sex. The people who hate us in public sliding into or DM at night. But I WAS WRONG.
Hi, Brandie. I'm sorry but, unfortunately not surprised you got that reaction elsewhere. Not for nothing do we say that CDH is the best crossdresser community anywhere! You won't get that kind of behaviour here. In the extremely rare possibility that you do, tell one of us on the staff, it will be dealt with swiftly!
Allie x
@brandie Wow, what a bunch of nonsense. I'm sorry that people treated you like that, and I'm glad that you feel comfortable sharing here.
It's all really weird to me, because almost by definition (definitions and labels are always problematic) a cross dresser is someone who doesn't want to transition, but likes dressing up, as you say, when "the pink fog . . . hit[s]" I mean, I know that on this site there are a wide variety of feelings and approaches to dressing up; from the casual "guy in a dress" to people who are planning to transition, but for many (and me personally) the going back and forth is part of the fun. For someone to say that you're not a CD if you don't want to transition is like saying you don't like football unless you're playing professionally. Complete. Nonsense.
"not a crossdresser unless you live as a woman" - stupid - by that logic my wife is a crossdresser.
"not a crossdresser unless if you have a beard the rest of the year." - who gives them the right to make rules?
"not a crossdresser unless you plan on transitioning" - whatever - but I'm still going wear whatever I want regardless of what you think. That's what crossdressing is really about.
"if you really loved yourself you will live fulltime as a woman," - industrial grade stupid. While I certainly have a hard time loving myself, I feel a great deal of self love about the very fact that I'm a guy who looks good in pencil skirts and likes wearing women's clothing. I love myself in part because I'm a crossdresser.
"Inner peaces comes from becoming the woman you want to be and not live as a man," - no - inner peace comes from accepting yourself as you are, and working to be better. It comes from moral and ethical behavior, treating others well, being kind, growing, learning, and having healthy relationships. It comes from connecting with truth and living in harmony with it. It also comes from not worrying about what stupid or cruel people think. It comes with respecting the rights of others to live as they want and make their own choices.
Don't worry about people like that Brandi. Wear a beard whenever you want, and wear your wonder woman or super girl costume whenever you want. However you want to dress up, or not, you're welcome here.
@raven188 Totally agree with you Sarah. I could have not said it any better. That person was way out of line!
@raven188 That’s about as perfect a reply as anyone could write Sarah. You peeled back the onion and exposed all the flavors. Excellent comeback to the haters that Brandie was referring to in her topic starter.
GP
[Allie disappears into the kitchen and returns, eyes streaming, five minutes later] Onion! All I can taste is onion.
[Allie now searches the Internet for ways to improve her palate]
@gracepal Especially "pickled onions." Great response Sarah. Best, Marlene.
PS. Disregard the haters; they are close minded losers.
@brandie Another thought, I think when people try to force others to do things (whatever it is) it's really because they aren't comfortable with themselves. If the people who said those things to you were truly comfortable with who they are as cross dressers (or however else they identify) then they wouldn't feel the need to criticize someone else. It's the petty and insecure that attack others. People like you, who can wear a beard or a skirt whenever you feel like it, without having to attack someone else over it, are the the ones in the right.
@raven188 There’s definitely a group of people out there, usually referred to as narcissists, who are so comfortable and IN LOVE with themselves - that they think it’s their job to let everyone in their orbit know how they need to be living their lives. They’re usually easy to spot, as they’re the ones always talking about themselves, unprompted. You make a comment - then they take over.
Fortunately I’m pretty good spotting them now and I immediately avoid all contact with these negative and draining individuals. Sounds to me like Brandie ran into more than one in her post.
GP
@brandie I came across exactly this kind of gatekeeping on many other platforms before I discovered CDH. I don't even bother getting involved with them these days, there was just so much negativity that saying anything led to everything from criticism to downright abuse. Now I have CDH & the lovely ladies here there is no need to even go anywhere else, so I don't. We all go about things in our own unique way & it isn't for others to yay or nay it. You do you & just enjoy it.
I'm probably not allowed to use the word 'bollocks' on the forums. As a manager here I may be forced to go back and edit my own post. But I'll go for it anyway.
It's bollocks, isn't it?
All of this crap about there being only one way to be a crossdresser. It's bollocks.
Trying to impose a set of rules that all crossdressers should be compelled to follow. It's bollocks.
As usual, Sarah @raven188 has given the perfect response:
But you've also summed it up yourself:
'I am me, we are all our own individual, we are all on our own journey.'
Absolutely ... but we're all also part of the same CD/TG community, and 'community' should mean just that; that we stick together.
I've got no time at all for any of this divisive nonsense.
If I haven't already got my point across, here it is again.
I think it's bollocks.
Ellie x
I would have gone for 'f***ing bollocks', but I didn't want to violate our community guidelines.
Everyone should have the right to express themselves in any way they damn well please.
As long as that expression doesn't harm others, the gender police should keep their noses out.
There's no rulebook. Long may it stay that way.
I'm so sorry you experienced that, Brandie. Sadly, the CD/TG community has its share of judgmental members. Their words drip with hypocrisy.
I've experienced some of this myself on other sites. I've been on HRT for three years. But some girls have told me "I'm not trans enough" because I haven't had any surgeries. I guess I'm "fake" trans to them. Whatever. They can kiss my girly ass for all I care.
Fortunately, you have CDH. Staff works hard to create an oasis of inclusivity and a refuge from the toxicity of most other sites. I think we're doing a pretty good job.
We're glad you're here. Maybe think about shifting your energy away from those other sites.
Hugs, Liz
@lizk Hi Liz, If you are not trans enough ( you are totally ), I would happy to count myself amongst your clan just as you are. And as a gal pal. The key phrase to me on this subject is " You be you " which is a major aspect of accepting our fem selves as we understand and feel it and also accepting our sisters as our sisters and not demanding some pre-ordained persona. Thanks for your kind words to Brandi. XXXX, Micah PS You are a doll!
Thanks Micah! You ARE my gal pal! We ARE in the same clan!
#transisbeautiful #transgirlsrock
Hugs, Liz
@brandie thats a really a typical way to look on it. Its true what you said about the cd community. Before ive joined a other site before were the girls were a lot different from here. I dont love conflict. So i left pretty soon. This site is way more accepting.
No human is the same and some like to crossdress full time while others love to once a month. I dont want to say there is no wrong or right because there is. But the right is different for every warrior princess.
Just know you are an awesome cookie and your already more of a lady then them. I hope you told the to f... have an awesome day! 😇
@brandie It sounds like I was fortunate to find this site first. I probably spent about 75% in drab or stealth mode and the rest of my time en femme and that pretty much suits me.
I don't feel a need to do more than that. We are all individuals and express ourselves in our own way and should celebrate that.
Hugs,
Anna xx
@brandie as someone who identifies as a crossdresser even when wearing guy clothes I understand your frustration. I’ve experienced similar things from other sites. I think we have a wide spectrum of people here and one thing I’ve found is the acceptance here.
@charlenecd62 EXACTLY Charlene, heck I didn’t dress for over 25 years and never gave up my title! I always figured I’d get around to it again sooner or later.
GP
Thank you for sharing that with us. I feel really sad that you had to face such awful comments from others. Having read through all the responses so far on this topic, I resoundingly applaud the condemnation of such attitudes. @raven188 has expressed it so well, and I do smile at @ellyd22 's reaction ... somehow I can just imagine her saying that!
As for me, I am so lucky that this is the first CD site I came across. I never had an inclination to look at other sites; now I have a positive determination to steer very clear of any other CD site. This place is a loving family and that is the way it should be!
I hope all members here find their inner peace and self love as you have done, in their own way, without criticism or judgement.
Hugs, Rebecca x
@brandie Brandie, I'm sorry you've had negative and unpleasant reactions. For me I luckily found CDH before any other site and concluded I'd found the best. Stick with us honey. You know you'll just get love and support here xx.
@brandie Hi Brandie, "I hear you" loud and clear..!!! Tolerance, acceptance and being non-judgmental are why I love being a member here; and it's not like there aren't any "bad apples", but I've found, sooner or later, they will leave because these are NOT the reasons why they participate...CDH has no place for bullies...!!!
@brandie I am sure that all of the CDs who were trying to tear you apart fully lived up to their own words or demands.
Yeah, right.
Brandie,
One thing for sure. There's no one size fits all when it comes to CDing.
I find it's we are what we say we are. And a personal philosophy of live and let live.
I have no time for the time bandits. Those that waste our time with wrong assumptions about our community and us as individuals.
Let them be engulfed by the Pink Fog!
Fran 🥰
@brandie Im so glad this is the first site I found. but its disheartening to know other CDs out there are so small minded and shallow. For any CD TG to say your anything other than whoever you feel you are and to judge you for that. to me they really dont know what the heck they are talking about. honestly probably fake accounts.. seems like a contradiction. I would just drop off those and just hang out here . I don't think the admins here would let that behavior stick. be you !! Cheers RC
OMG girl, That's just F'ed up. You are a beautiful person. We have had to deal with this most of our cherished lives, family, others and we don't need this. Just hang here girlfriend. Look for encouragement, take, leave what you want. Don't look for validation or judgement, none here girlfriend.Peace
“Kind of” ironic that a group fighting for acceptance sets up barriers and rules for acceptance as soon as given the chance…perhaps they should look in the mirror to remind themselves of what closed minded really looks like.
@chanel
Perhaps they should look in the mirror to remind themselves of what closed minded really looks like.
No point ... their minds are so closed that they're no longer able to see out.
Seems to me that you got a lot of hogwash from that other site, Brandie. (And thanks to Sarah — @raven188 — for dissecting it so expertly.)
One of the joys of this site is that, not only are there members from all along the wide crossdresser spectrum — from those who dress only rarely or partially to those who live full time as women or who have transitioned — but everyone here treats all of us with dignity and respect.
So be yourself here and enjoy it.
Cheers, Sally
WOW such hate, I thought CrossDressing was just that someone who wears clothing typically worn by the opposite sex. I too will spent an evening in a nightgown with out shaving or putting on make up.
Erika
@everyone Thank you all you beautiful ladies. I did not expect all the replies. None of what was said in the other places bothered me. Inner peace and self love is powerful thing.
@brandie So is strength in numbers Brandie…I wouldn’t want to get this lot all worked up, that’s for sure! There’s more to us than meets the eye🥰
I agree with Ellie, it's bollocks! Screw them.
Everyone has their own niche and comfort zone. It's all good.
Brandi, you don’t need those other sites, this is the only place you need to be. You’ll get more valid information from the girls here, and I promise you it won’t make you feel bad about doing anything that you do. There are so many different degrees of crossdressing, and they are all defined by you, not someone else. I did away with any other social media, and I’m happy about it. You can get everything you need right here. Hang in there, and don’t let the negative people in the world drag you in theirs.
It is a fact that sometimes I wish I could have a really good rant about religion or politics.
On the other hand the sheer knowledge that, not only can I not write stuff like that, but no one else can either, thus giving me a space where I can go and be myself without judgement, gives me great joy.
There are sites where I can rant to my heart's content, I'll reserve my ire for them; here, I shall stick to the rules knowing that the staff will make sure everyone else does too. Long may it last.
Becca
wow crazy to hear sorry 😞 you had to deal with that unfortunately that’s the way some look like you I don’t what others think I dress to a fullest as a women and feel I’m a cross dresser I don’t shave myself I don’t live 24-7 dressed kinda crazy to even think they say that I always thought a CD was someone that likes to dress as the opposite sex not transition 🤷🏻 lest here so fate I never got any of that negative truly sorry again but least you have all use here to have your back TC hugs 🤗
@gracepal male mode yes maybe 🤔 but I still fear the world of leaving the closet never been out nor never told anyone but one
Wow, what a great group I joined 2 months ago! I had a gut feeling about this place when I signed up for it. Brandie’s topic here has more than convinced me that I not only chose the best group, but also the right one for me. You girls here are “my kind of peeps!” It’s an honor to know you good people and I’m grateful for it.
GP
@gracepal well spoken and so truly honest here it has been such a wonderful experience myself I only been here myself for a few months been a lovely 😊
Don't pay attention to those people.
You are a CD if you dress in clothes of the opposite sex, period. Some only like lingerie or stockings, some are MIAD, some prefer certain looks like the little girl or the older woman and some just like whatever. It doesn't matter.
Where what you like when you like and be yourself, enjoy yourself. We all have preferences and that's just fine. Maybe you don't agree with someone's choices, that's ok too, but we all have the right to have those choices and not be picked on because of them.
What your experience proves Brandi is that CDH is a club for all and not a clique.
There are always self-appointed mean girl (and boy) experts on the playground. When you find out who they are just don't play with them (and block them from your contact). They exist to torment and do not deserve your time. Sorry that they blindsided you. Hugs, Marg
Brandie -
So sorry you had that experience. Glad that you are here where you can get the love and support we all deserve.
Sarah said it very well, thank you for that Sarah. All of the comments are spot on - we each do what we can to be ourselves, there is no right or wrong. We are here to encourage and support each other in whatever way we can.
XOXO
Suzanne
