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First time meeting my partner's feminine self c:

35 Posts
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181 Reactions
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Posts: 60
Lady
Topic starter
(@alleycatonafence)
Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

I'm still very new to this, and I've been waiting for my partner to approach it on his own terms and at his pace, but I know it's something of a tradition for him to cross for st. paddy's day, and I was hopeful he would loop me in on that, which he did! I have been so absolutely excited about it, I dug out this special sparkly Victoria's Secret branded makeup bag that I was saving for a 'special occasion' (and I can't think of anything more special than him) and filled it up with a new designer mascara, a little compact mirror, those toe separators for pedis in sparkly green hearts for the holiday, little jewelry bags so he can keep his jewelry together without getting makeup on them, and two pieces (a necklace and a really cool crystal druzey bracelet) of jewelry that were too big for me, and a cute little choker (one of his fave styles) that I made by hand myself, heart shaped shamrock leaf for a pendant (and matching one for myself of course) and I was so stoked I almost spoiled the surprise the night before lol. I also brought a Sailor Jupiter costume bc a) her color is green so perfect for the holiday and b) so I could say "I don't cross dress, but I can cos play!" And that almost made him cry, and I made him trade with me to show him how amazing a skater dress looks on everyone (note to all of yourselves, crossers or spouses; skater dresses compliment EVERYone) and he even let me do his makeup (I was SO NERVOUS that he wouldn't like it) and he loved it and it and it meant so much to me. We took a million pictures (including polaroids!) and traded outfits a few times and changed his wig and laughed about both of us in heels. A hundred hugs and lipstick kisses and teaching him how to blot and where to contour and seeing him absolutely GLOW and smile and BEAM was so amazing, and towards the end I was remarking about HOW much fun it was and he told me "it's more fun with you than alone" and my heart has never overflowed so much. I ordered these matching nighties, but they got wicked delayed, so now we can go again even cuter for his birthday or mine (the end of this and next month respectively) and I'm running out of words for how much I'm looking forward to it c:

I can't believe there was ever a time I was afraid of this, it's even more ridiculous to me that I was crying upset about it. Now it's just another way to love my partner and another thing to love about him, and something that realy reaffirms US and our relationship. It's something that I love and enjoy and get to be excited about and think about and plan for and gather gifts for, this has made me so happy. I'm so glad he let me do his makeup, I feel so honored, I'm glad I got to take so many amazing pictures that reaffirmed him (some simple editing; smoothing filters, touching up, blurring background), and I'm glad we took some together, they're definitely my favorite.

I just wanted to share this with both sides; the spouses that might be stuggling; why not try to be a little more open? What could go wrong? You just say no when it becomes too much (I never had to) you could end up having fun! And to the crossers; have hope; we're out here. There are partners that will not only accept, but also EMBRACE and enjoy this; we exist, have hope c:

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34 Replies
14 Replies
(@marleneroberts)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Allentown, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 575

@alleycatonafence God Bless you! Well done and all happiness to both of you. Best, Marlene.

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(@siobhann)
Joined: 11 months ago

Estimable Member     Colorado, United States of America
Posts: 73

@alleycatonafence I don't dress as fabulously as a lot of girls do, and you just taught me about the skater dress, I had no idea that that was a thing that I'd be in love with. I do have to say, when someone's partner supports them in the way they feel they need to dress, it is the world. It's so much more emotional than some people think. Not going into too much detail, I think your girl would be keen on swapping gender roles in more ways than just dress. I only say this, because I see the same in my younger self. Truly, it doesn't mean seeking anyone else to fulfill that, but I'd guess  she's hoping for that and too nervous to be explicit. I do hope I haven't overstepped.

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(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@siobhann I'm always glad to lend a tip! I'm excited to learn from him and teach him too. And you didn't overstep! He seems to default to a very masc role in the bedroom, and I think he thinks I wouldn't be interested in anything physical while crossing; but getting to hang out the other day really reinforced for me that, no matter how femme or beautiful she is; HE is still Michael all the time and I want him so I definitely plan to mention that I'm open to exploring it at some point. And he's good at reading me and respecting my boundaries and we're both good at communicating so I think we should do well. And seriously shop some skater dresses; they come in A LOT of different sub-styles and they really do compliment every kind of body type and shape! And usually quite affordable too!! And when in doubt on size, just pick a stretchy material c:

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Duchess
(@sophie85)
Joined: 2 years ago

Estimable Member     New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 162

@alleycatonafence your partner is extremely lucky!  Nicely done!  There are so many of us that wish we had the same SO acceptance.

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(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@sophie85 I'm lucky too! This has been such an opportunity to get to know my own self better and like, be more my own self. And getting to see him glow like that makes it so WORTH it; I don't need to fully "get it" to support it and be pumped about it. I definitely shared this with the thought that it might reach other spouses in a different place than me, and that it might help them open themselves up to the idea a little bit. We each, every one of us, deserves to be seen and accepted as we are

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

@alleycatonafence Thanks for giving us your perspective, Caitlin.

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2210

@alleycatonafence Hi, Caitlin, thanks for sharing your experience with us, it really does gladden the heart.

Even those of us with accepting and supportive partners with limits, and I'm in the same boat as Suzanne, would love to have the participation that you and your partner enjoy.

I wish you both all the happiness in the world 😊

Allie x

 

 

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(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@alexina it's definitely not lost on me how lucky we both are. I totally understand it can be a difficult thing for some to contend with, but to me it's truly become just this whole new arena in which I can love my partner and also like, celebrate and reaffirm my OWN femininity while helping him artfully and lovingly create his c:

That was what really got me about dressing up together the other weekend; I didn't just get to 'meet' her; I got to *MAKE* her by doing her makeup and styling her; like, what a deeply intimate and trust based exercise I've never experienced before. It meant so much to me

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2210
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4018

@alleycatonafence Reading more of your replies warms my heart. It takes a special person to feel the way that you do about your mate.

As the inimitable Spock repeatedly said, may you both live well and prosper.

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(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@harriette part of me wants to go bad a delete my very first post where I was like "I'M CRYING WHAT DO I DO AHHH" it seems so silly to me now that there was ever a time it shook me; but that's exactly why I left that one up and shared this one too; to remind both sides that the place a spouse is in emotionally can ABSOLUTELY change and blossom toward the more open, accepting and even celebrating with the right community, support, processing and communication. I'm the poster spouse for it lol, thank you for your kind words

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Lady
(@jillleanne)
Joined: 2 years ago

Prominent Member     Renfrew, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 605

@alleycatonafence great post. Refreshing to hear from the other side from outside my house. My wife is totally supportive also.

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(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@jillleanne I love every time I get to hear that c: and thankfully my first post here made me realize how important it is for everyone here to be able to hear from spouses too, and I'm definitely here for it!

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Lady
(@mainesailor)
Joined: 8 months ago

Eminent Member     Rockland, Maine, United States of America
Posts: 11

@alleycatonafence What an absolutely beautiful story you have shared with all of us Caitlin.  Your open minded approach and sheer joy is so infectious. 

My wife is very similar to you in many ways.  She is very supportive of my cross dressing in the privacy of our home.  In fact, she has given me birthday and anniversary gifts of feminine lingerie as well as helped me pick out casual outfits at Victoria Secret and other stores that cater to women.  

She has no problem with me going out en-femme in public places when we are away from our home turf.  Close to home, jobs, friends and neighbors is a different story. Wearing feminine undergarments underneath my male outer clothing has become completely normal wherever we are. 

The topic of HRT and a possible MtF transition has been bubbling beneath the surface for me for a few years now.  I am concerned about how my wife would react if I expressed any interest in transitioning. 

Jackie

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Posts: 1620
Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Caitlin,

You are an absolute Goddess!! Your SO is a very lucky girl. I hope you both enjoy many, many more days together that make both your hearts overflow!

Cute Lara

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2 Replies
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@secretpassions thank you so much!! Every time he (or she) says they're lucky, I remind them that I am too c: this has made me more myself, to love someone wholly is who I am, and this is just an awesome, fun, new way to love my person

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Baroness Annual
(@secretpassions)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1620

@alleycatonafence You are truly so sweet!! Smile

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Posts: 7835
(@aliceunderwire)
Illustrious Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Caitlin,

As Lara says you are a wonderful SO!  Sounds like you enjoyed St. Patrick’s day as much as your mate.  Wishing you a fab early birthday next month.

Alice

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2 Replies
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@aliceunderwire I definitely did! Really reinforced how lucky I am too, and I'm actually glad the stuff I ordered didn't come in time bc now we have an 'excuse' to go again hehehe c: and thank you! I'll make it to 33 this year and I think that sounds really cool lol

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(@aliceunderwire)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 7835

@alleycatonafence Sounds like ‘33 will be a super year!  Yes, an opportunity for a terrific birthday outing.

Alice

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Posts: 26
(@jessica1996mx)
Eminent Member     Morelia, Michoacan, Mexico
Joined: 1 year ago

Hi Caitlin,

What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing. You made me renew my hope that this kind of dynamics are possible 🙂

Jessica

 

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1 Reply
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@jessica1996mx definitely possible! And from different starting points too; I was initially shaken up by the revelation, so I think it's good proof some of us can get to healthier places with it. I feel like it's made me more myself to be able to support this. And that's exactly why I wanted to share; to give hope to both sides c:

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Posts: 935
Guest
(@Anonymous 47410)
Prominent Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Thank you for sharing, Caitlin!

I too, am married to a supportive spouse, and we communicate nearly every day about crossdressing.  For us, over the years, we found communications to be vital in keeping crossdressing a healthy part of our marriage. 

We go out in public together as two ladies, double fun. 

Also, over the years, my wife has been very willing to lend support to other spouses who are struggling to understand why their man wants to wear female clothing. 

 

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1 Reply
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@catgurl it's awesome to hear from someone else lucky enough to have a positive experience c: it honestly makes me sad to see how many here struggle with either self or spousal acceptance. I honestly found that not only does it reaffirm him (and her!) but practicing it together really affirmed us as a unit, it was so nice honestly, I'm stoked to get to do it again!

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Posts: 139
(@alyssagirl)
Estimable Member     Maine, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Your spouse is the luckiest person in the galaxy to have you, you are wonderful. We all wish we had what you two have.

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1 Reply
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@alyssagirl I'm truly just as lucky to have him and her! And every time he says so I remind him of that. This is in no way an ugly or shameful thing or something to be hidden, and it's also not something I'm loving him "in spite" of but "in addition to". It's just another way to show him love and another thing to love about him. My little heart of hearts wishes other spouses could have the internal journey I did with it, you all deserve to have what we have too. Definitely part of why I shared; to remind crossers that cool spouses are out here!

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Posts: 829
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Your partner is indeed VERY lucky! I'm sure that he is aware of this! Many would love to be in his situation. My wife is supportive, but has limits./ She doesn't "enjoy" my crossdressing, but she does see the benefit when she's borrowing my dresses to go to formal/posh work functions. I love seeing her in my clothes!

I had no idea who Sailor Jupiter was, so I googled her.... Now I want the outfit!!!!!!

Don't be afraid to slow things down a little. It's all too easy to get caught up in the rush. Should you hit a bump in the road, it hurts much more when you are going full speed. I know this from the many times it has happened to us. 

Enjoy the excitement. Enjoy exploring. Enjoy each other.

Cerys

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1 Reply
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@dazzler sailor jupiter has always been my favorite! Especially because she's the "tall one" I've been 5'9" since middleschool amd my beau is 6'2" so it was the perfect character for us

And I can definitely see that; getting caught up, thank you for pointing it out. My general approach is to follow his lead on when we practice or even discuss it, and he seems to be very balanced with it. I'm definitely mindful about like, not overwhelming him. I don't want him to feel like I think this one thing defines him, I just also want to make sure he knows I have all the space in the world for it

And we're seriously lucky about being almost all the same sizes! Such a benefit lol

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Posts: 2111
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Caitlin -

It was such a joy to read your post. Your SO is a lucky lady to have such a loving and understanding spouse. My wife is supportive of my dressing to a point as she hasn't fully embraced Suzanne. Her major limit is taking my dressing out of the house which I am fine with, she also won't let me shave off my goatee. I think she is afraid that if I do I'll want to go further than she is ready to, which I understand. I am very happy being able to dress at homer and there are times I am able to dress in her presence for the day. Patience is the virtue that has gotten us to where we are.

Continue to enjoy your time with your SO, you are both very lucky  to have each other. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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1 Reply
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@cdsue I'm glad you added that at the end; I'm definitely lucky too c:

And I totally get hair preferences lol! My man shaves to the point of baby seal-hood hahaha and I definitely miss it but I can COMPLETELY appreciate the dysphoria it could cause, and he generally goes so long in between it's like we both get the states we like best c: and I keep my nails sharp so I can scritchy scratch while it grows in! Hahaha

We stayed in when we practiced, and we got to it kind of late in the day; last time we talked about it I pointed out that we should dedicate more time/more of the day to it and I could tell that meant a lot. I know he's been out out dressed up at least twice, to a family event and to an lgbt music event where his friend was the dj. I'm definitely open (even excited) to go out out with him all stunning and gorgeous, and I like the like, safety my presence would provide. I just don't want to pitch any ideas he's (or she's!) not ready for; he'll let me know when he's ready and wants that and I'm stoked to navigate it c: 

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Posts: 485
(@justnikki)
Prominent Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Love this so much it made my heart swell! My wife is also an enthusiastic supporter and your point is right on target: it's another opportunity to have fun and be creative together! She hasn't bought me a Sailor Moon costume yet, but she knows she could!

Thank you for sharing your story of how you came to find the joy in it. I think it's a powerful story of hope for so many whose partners are less than supportive.

And yes, skater skirts and dresses rule. My fave style!

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1 Reply
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@justnikki it gets me so pumped every time I hear about other supportive partners c: we each deserve to be seen and accepted as our whole selves

And getting to hear from so many people here and having that help my own processing so much definitely made me realize and appreciate that my voice and experience could be valuable and even encouraging to others here c:

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Posts: 109
Lady
(@carla66)
Estimable Member     Barcelona , Barcelona, Spain
Joined: 1 year ago

You are wonderful, enjoy it, enjoy it a lot. Think that you are also lucky to live experiences with the person you love that few women are capable of experiencing. And I think that we are quite innocent and loyal, they are experiences that we feel with joy, positivity, and a relaxation that is difficult to have on the male side.

I love you Caitlin

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1 Reply
(@alleycatonafence)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     New Britain, Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 60

@carla66 I love you too!! I definitely know I'm also lucky, and I remind him (and her!) of that too every time he says he's lucky; we both are c:

And there really is so much to enjoy about it, and I'm brand new to it, like I look forward to finding more ways to celebrate and enjoy it and reaffirm my person. I'm excited about it

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