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When I started going out I had specific places I would go dressed, usually not places I would frequent in man-mode. They were also places I knew friends and work colleagues didn’t go to. I was being careful and because I had very little confidence. In effect I was just a ‘walking crossdresser’, out for a walk round the block, a walk in the park or by the sea. As my confidence improved my small destination list became very limiting. I started to go on shopping trips and followed the same principle of having specific places to go, but even that got rather boring after a while.
Having a short list of 'somewhere' to go was OK, but I felt I wanted to do more.
Everything changed about 3 years ago, when I got a wig and some breast forms. These changed how I looked - I now had a good bust line, a proper woman’s hairstyle; also at that time I’d got my look right clothes wise. It felt like it was time to stop limiting where I went when I went out.
I started at the local convenience store, then the next trip I went downtown to browse some shops for clothes and go grocery shopping in a supermarket. After that a trip to a local market town. Once I’d done these outings I just seemed to find going out dressed natural and normal; effectively I’d got my confidence.
When I get time to crossdress now, I go to the places I like; I have lots of options for walks and for shopping. Now within the the bounds of the amount of time I have to spend dressed, I can go 'anywhere' I feel like on the day (I do have one area of exclusion however - places that my SO’s friends frequent).
Do you keep where you go when dressed separate from ‘every-day’ man-mode activities ? If so why ?
Do you go where you like when you go out dressed, or do you have some limits ?
I never felt limited by where I'd be recognised from male-mode, because I was always an infrequent visitor in my own town due to mainly only using my house to work from, and going 'home' to my OH's house 20 miles away most nights. Where I could go as Fiona was only ever limited by two things. For one, initially, how brave I felt - but like you I soon got my confidence to be able to go anywhere I like. The other factor is that my parents and my OH do not want to see me as Fiona, so I'm only ever with them or in those towns in male-mode.
Do you keep where you go when dressed separate from ‘every-day’ man-mode activities ? If so why ?
I don't dress en femme in public, but what I mostly do is dress ambiguously, plus pads and forms, for an enhanced shape. However, even though I try to be as bold in public as I can, I am not out to anyone that knows us, so there is a defined line that I try not to cross. The rule is to not embarrass my wife and I try to keep my word.
Do you go where you like when you go out dressed, or do you have some limits ?
Continued from above, I adjust my clothes and forms to account for the weather. During darker, cold months, it is pretty much anything goes under my coats and pants, maybe even shoes. Use the largest breast forms, stockings under pants, maybe more feminine shirts. This is the first full spring, summer and fall that I can dress with a more complete wardrobe, so I am still learning how much that I can get away with in warmer weather. I don't / haven't dressed to my max at my dentist's nor for medical visits, just the bare minimum, clothes that aren't in-your-face obvious. My limits are what I feel that I can get away with without drawing any attention, to stay mostly invisible.
A girl wants to get some notice, though, right? So I always try to look good.
@ajthairms I keep well away from home if out and dressed. My outings are quite sporadic and tend to be after makeovers.
Anna x
@ajthairms I always love just to drive around the neighborhood especially dressed professional (white collar) during the day but at night I admit I would drive around dresses like a slut
@ajthairms I am not much into the bar scene,but I did go to a LGBT friendly place a few times. Most of my first shopping trips were out of town. After a while I was shopping in the town where I work, working my way up to all stores except the Target store where I had worked for 40 years. Now I have been shopping there as Cassie for almost 2 years.
Cassie
@ajthairms I try to do everything I would normally do in the dreaded male mode. I run my daily errands and visit local parks to hike. I recently started to visit local art museums and gardens to enjoy the beauty in art and nature! The only places I tend to avoid now are quintessential male spaces like sports bars...not that I was big on them anyway.
Fran gets a desire to go somewhere. We go!
Part of the challenges of dressing to me is to push the limits here and there.
I've recently went out daytime to do errands. Not a peep out of anybody! A definite conference booster.
Although it's so much more fun with friends going out. I still got it solo. I avoid bars mainly because of the smoke, loudness of the music and alcohol fueled idiot's!
The old adage Alcohol doesn't mix well with anything, except trouble.
A drink or two is my limit. One I'm driving two i like to keep my wits about me.
Set your limits and don't be afraid to step out girls! 🥰
I used to keep to quiet places and avoided towns where I might be seen. Then I started going to more public areas as confidence was high. What spurred me on was the fact that I saw and even got close to people I knew and they didn't spot me. Of course they wouldn't as I looked nothing like the person they knew. You fear being spotted but would they if you passed?
I don't go out in my village as there are bigots of all kinds here. As an example, we had a friend visit who is Goan and obviously looking somewhat Asian. Someone we knew came up to her and (presumably with no malice) said "don't you people have nice teeth!" Our friend was somewhat nonplussed but bluffed it through admirably. My son, who is gay, had a long conversation in a pub several years ago with a gentleman at the bar and when I saw the gentleman another day, he complimented me about how nice my son was. Some weeks before my son's visit, this same gentleman had been ranting and raving about 'bloody poofters' etc. I never did enlighten him that his newest best friend had never had a relationship with a woman and lived permanently with another man. It is a little private joke between me and my son.
Apart from very local, I'll go almost anywhere and tomorrow, courtesy of my feeling a little more positive (see my post about CD on hold), we hope to go out to the supermarket in in a faraway town and thence to a pub on the beach for lunch. I no longer worry about being clocked, if I am, it's just one of those things and being tourist season here I'll just appear to them to be some weirdo from London, I expect.
I'm pretty confident in my appearance now and only my voice is the dead giveaway so I don't speak unless spoken to which is easy with the wife there too.
I have been into the same shops in the city and had conversations with the same shop assistants in both modes of dress. One day I'm a woman, another day I'm a man, I deal with it, other people have to deal with it too.
I don't actually drink alcohol anymore but in any event I don't think I'd ever go alone en femme to a pub at night; drunk men can get very weird.
Becca
I have always been able to pass, going back to when I was only 16. I would see people I knew and they gave no indication that they recognized me. In high school our french teacher wanted to do a French Cabaret as a fund raiser for something, they said we should have Cancan dancers. Several of the girls suggested that the boys should be the dancers, everybody agreed and I was one of the Cancan girls. The girls put together the costumes, they made some skirts and we wore frilly white blouses. We managed to borrow some padding from our moms and I even borrowed one of my mom's wigs. The girls rounded up shoes that fit and made garters for our legs. The girls wanted to do our makeup but I told them I had done my makeup for a Halloween costume and would do my own. We were a hit, it was a lot of fun, and I received many complements on my makeup - I still wonder what the girls thought as my makeup looked very real, when the other guys looked a bit clownish. What was interesting was nobody recognized me, not even my next door neighbors and fellow students. One student lived across the street from me, and I went up to him and said "Hi Mike." He did a double take and couldn't believe I was a guy.
I have to say that that experience, and dressing up for Halloween, provided the confidence that I've had ever since, that I could pass as a girl.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
I am out to almost everyone I know, and I have lost count of how many people have seen and know me in both male and female modes.
I exercise caution involving places where alcohol is served and with rare exceptions, tend to avoid them completely when cross dressed.
Alcohol tends to have different effects on different individuals. Strangely, a CD group I was once a member of had a few heavy drinkers in it, and at social events, they would sometimes brawl in public with each other.
Although I'd been closet cross dressing during stolen moments for decades, I only really started seriously after my wife's passing 7 years ago. At first I stopped for about a year, just didn't seem to have the desire, but that craving came back, as it always did. Of course at first I only dressed at home or around my property which is fairly private. After about a year I began reaching out and met others who would come to my place to dress, a safe place for them. I think it was a beneficial period, I could actually be among other people, dressed, and start to gain knowledge and confidence. Eventually I found other friends to go to, I actually could get dressed up and go out into the world, kinda. Initially just going out onto the roads was unnerving, but it didn't take long to realize that nobody noticed. One time I even got stopped at a road block, talk about being nervous, but the police man never even flinched. Nothing unusual for him to see I suppose. Then one Saturday night I went to see a friend, who had to cancel, and there I was, all dressed up with no where to go. On my way home I went right past the exit where just a short distance away I knew was an alternative type bar, so I thought, why not, and I went. It was a major liberating moment, as I walked in no one even bothered to look up, I soon met lots of new people, the atmosphere was so welcoming, it was a place where many of the regular customers had originally come out. It was a Safe Out. I too became a regular, Thursday nights to watch karaoke and Saturday nights just to meet new people. After just a few months I met a young, wonderful completely passable fully transitioned transsexual and we became friends. She was fully transitioned for 5 years so was completely comfortable with herself, has a regular boyfriend, a good career, confident, and after a few weeks or so of seeing each other in the bar we decided to go out to dinner some time where we could really talk and hear each other. She knew this would be my first real OUT out, we met at a nice, upscale downtown restaurant. I had suggested a Tuesday evening, thinking it would be a quiet night for the restaurant, but when I got there the parking lot was full. Of course I was extremely nervous and sat in the car until I saw her pull in. As we walked up to the door she ask me if I was all right, took my hand, and in we went. Of course, we were both dressed well, I had a pencil skirt executive secretary type look so was dressed appropriately for the place, and, nothing. Everything was just so...normal. Men in suits, women in nice dresses, no odd looks, no remarks, no stares at us while we sat at our table, just all so ... normal. We were seated at a table, the service was great, the food great, as we finished our meals and it was getting close to closing I asked if we could get some mudslides with desert. The bar had already closed and they couldn't make them but did make us some chocolate martinis instead. It was a most wonderful evening, a tremendous boost to the confidence, even though I'm not passable. Since then we've gotten together about every other week, gone out to nice restaurants, gone shopping downtown, and every time has been a great, positive experience. It's become so natural that at times I even forget that I'm dressed, I am Jennifer, no one pays attention. Some places even recognize us now, greeting us with a nice "Good Evening ladies" And this is in the deep bible belt south, where just a decade ago I would have been dragged down a dirt road behind a pick up truck. But times and attitudes have changed greatly, it seems faster than ours have. Especially we more mature folks brought up with all the fears, guilt and shame, we've become slaves to our own fears. To the younger people, like my friend and now several others who have joined us, it's only natural, they don't have that lifetime of guilt programming behind them, they don't even think about it, and everyone has a great time. I was fortunate to have found a younger friend, less than half my age, who was caring enough to help me along my journey. She made me realize that the fears were mine alone. It's nice to not be alone the first few times, and especially to be with someone who has already walked the path, knows your fear, and is there to hold your hand when you need it. Now, I just go anywhere, any time, my concerns now revolve more around making sure my nail polish isn't chipped, my eyelashes are straight, do I have my jewelry on, stuff like that, instead of being afraid of what someone who I don't know, who doesn't know me, or what anyone else might think. I stand in front of the mirror, say "Yep girl, you are ready" and out the door. And know what, I've never had any problems. To the contrary, I've had more people come up to talk to me, some to complement on something I might be wearing, some to tell me that they admire me, some to say that I inspired them, some to ask questions (women always ask how I can walk around all day in 4" stilettos). It's so wonderful to be free, free of all that guilt and fear we've harbored our entire lives. No more needing to hide, no more lying to my friends. We can do this ladies, the time has come, society is changing, maybe we can change with it.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@jenniferr thank you for your story. It is definitely a story to take inspiration from, the sense of liberation I got from reading your story fills me with the need to get out more often this fall.
4 inch stilettos! you go girl!
Thank you darling!
a/. I live in retyirement village complex and therefore would no go out dressed from home. Too many "prying eyes"
b/. Plus and the main one, my loving DADT SO would not even let me think about it.
As I have oft stated over the last 7 months, some nagging but not fatal health problems have stopped me from even doing my usual every three weeks overnight charity volunteer trips where I get "my full Caty on"
On these occasions I am mostly content to stay in my hotel room, but on special occasions eg bra fittings/ dinners out I am happy to go out fully femme.
Last but least, I'm closer to 80 than 70 and the "thrill" of going public" is waning. I've done almost everything I've wanted to do as Caty, so if and when I can, I doubt if I'll be doing the above much in future
Happy dressing
Caty.
@ryanpaul I'll be 76 in a month, joining you in that "closer to 80 than 70" thing, and maybe that helps explain why I have gone almost full time now. It's not a "thrill" to go out any more, it's just a normal way of life. I think that's the way it's supposed to be.
Hugs,
Jennifer
I'm a little older and fully dressed for the first time a couple of years ago. I don't dress in my town as i live in DADT house. However, my wife doesn't like to travel and I do. So, I take advantage of it by dressing 24/7 for every day of my trips.
When I'm dressed, I go anywhere and everywhere I want to. I try to dress appropriately for where I'm go but I don't hold back in the least. In fact, it's so completely fulfilling to go out and do normal people things but doing them dressed.
