Going Shopping In Person for the First Time Tomorrow

congrats Holly, hold your head up high and tell the saleslady's your are shopping for yourself.

Hi Holly.  Congratulations on your impending shopping trip tomorrow. I know that you probably are anxious about how its going to be out dressed en femme and shopping for clothes for yourself. Being with a friend will help you find things that fit is a big help. After you get used to being in the women's clothing section you won't be as nervous as you think that you're going to be. Salesgirls are there to assist you and making a sale is important to them so don't worry about what they are thinking. Most salesgirls are quite helpful. Use the fitting rooms to try on whatever you are looking at so you can see how it looks on you and how it fits. Take your time trying different things. There's no reason to hurry. Have your friend who's going with you help you choose things that will look good on you. Sometimes a second opinion is good. Keep a open mind and enjoy yourself Let me know if this helps you to not be so nervous.

A friend

Janine

Hi Holly,

Congratulations on stepping out on your first shopping trip.  Great that you are shopping with a friend.  Let the real you shine through your outing.  Wear a big smile and keep your head up.  Have fun being you.  Don’t worry about being recognized.  The businesses need your sale and want you to come back again.  If an associate greets you and asks if you need assistance just ask about sizes if you’re not sure or where tops/bottoms/shoes might be.  Most are happy to show you to that section or set up a room for you.  Take advantage of the sales too.  Always fun to save a little.

Alice

How do I deal with cashiers or sales associates?

If you are looking for something specific, tell the sales associates and they will help you.  If you're just looking, tell them you are just looking.

Dealing with the cashiers?  Give them cash, or credit card.

To be honest, they are in the business of selling items.  If you want to buy, your money is as good as any women.  If they provide good service, you will feel much better to return to the store to shop again.  And maybe you'll recommend them to others in the TG/CD community so that they can sell more items and make more money.  It's a win/win situation. My bet is you won't even get a strange reaction from them.

What should I do while shopping?

Try things on, and have fun.

Don't let yourself be overcome by fear that is only in your head.  Just go out and shop.

Holly,

As others have said, going with someone you trust will help calm your nerves. It gets easier every time. As for sales associates, Alison is right. Your money spends the same as anyone else.

I'll share a few things I've experienced shopping for women's clothes. Pace yourself. Trying on lots of outfits will sap your time and energy. Shop until you drop really is a thing. Take someone with you that has great fashion sense and will be brutally honest when you're in the dressing room. Depending on the store, you may be able to rely on sales associates for advice. Regardless of what anyone tells you, don't buy something unless you absolutely LOVE it. Otherwise it will just waste space in your closet.

Good luck and have a great time!

Emily

Hi Holly, I hope it goes well for you and you have the best day ever! I’m looking forward to reading how it all went 😃.

samantha x

I was scared to death the first time I went out shopping dressed as Patty. My girlfriend wanted her and Patty to be friends and do things together. An afternoon of shopping should be one of those things.

Even though I had been dressing often for a couple of years, most of my dressing was confined to brief outings and errands and mostly private parties. An afternoon at the mall was a whole new thing.

When we got to the mall and parked the car, I didn't want to get out. I was scared. She nudged and coerced me. We got out of the car. I was in a pretty and short flowery dress, shiny pantyhose and platform wedges. My breasts looked very nice and my pretty hair was looking good. I had on some makeup but was not party like overdone. This was a Saturday afternoon. There was lots of people in the parking lot. Maybe I can walk to the mall entrance. That could be fun but I definitely don't want to go in. I'll just walk back to the car and we will leave. It was so fun and exciting walking across the parking lot with a lot of people around and my shiny pantyhose gleaming in the sun, bringing attention to my legs. I was real nervous but it was so exciting. When we got to the mall entrance I decided to give going in a try. The place was mobbed. I just kept walking, looking straight ahead. How many people saw me? Did they like what they saw? Did they see a guy dressed in women's clothes and wonder, what the hell is he doing?

We got to a department store and went in. Much less people. I relaxed a little. Of course I had to buy more pantyhose. I could always use a few more bras. I want these cute little panties. Such cute and pretty dresses. I'm going to get them. I didn't care if anyone was looking. I was enjoying myself too much to care. We went to several stores and did the same thing. Of course I had to have several more pairs of shoes too. I bought enough new clothes for a whole new wardrobe. She bought some summer dresses and a couple of pairs of shoes too.

It was a wonderful day and a wonderful experience. I made it through the initial fear and got out of the car. I enjoyed the thrill of seeing my pantyhose gleaming in the sun. I held my breath walking into the mall. I looked straight ahead not wanting to see if anyone was checking me out. I was relieved when we got to a department store and there was not so many people around. Once I started looking at the pantyhose and began choosing what I was going to buy, the fear and anxiety went away and excitement set in. I was going to get myself some nice new pantyhose, bras, panties and lots of pretty, new girly things.

I always found going out scary, especially at first, but it's excitement and a thrill and rush I can't get from anything else.

Emily makes a good point.  A friend also told me something similar.  When getting a dress, if you don't LOVE IT, don't get it.

A skirt or top may be OK, and you can pair it with a different top or bottom and maybe you'll like it better.  A dress is one piece, and if you're so-so with it, you can't change a part of it.  It is all or nothing.

I only wish I could go shopping with a friend!  That's so cool that you have someone to go with you!  I only recently conquered the mall myself and it was terrifying walking in. Even once I was in, I was by myself and felt like everyone was staring, which of course they weren't. I eventually calmed down enough to make it to my goal...I wanted to finally shop at Victorias Secret for myself as Holly!  It was the most terrifying step until I finally asked a sales girl for a bra fitting.  She was amazing, took me to the back room...I almost hyperventilated as I went back to the dressing area...you can't imagine what that meant to me. She was amazing, even helped me with fitting inside my dressing room so I would know what I should be looking for.  I couldn't believe girls did that!  But they were great. I had multiple girls helping me that night and it was such a moment for me as Holly. I hope you have that same elated feeling I had that night. It was a wonderful experience and I'm sure yours will be even better because you get to share it with a friend!

My general advices ar theese:

Stay calm. You do have right to be there for whatever legimate reason.

Act confidently. Being clear about your mission and acting like you belong there people will overlook you, being more concentrated on their own tasks than asking themselves why you would be there.

Be polite and honest. If you are confronted by an employee answer truthfully to their questions explaining you are a crossdresser or transgender woman looking for clothes to buy. Most will back off at that, remembering that a sale is a sale regardless of whom is buying what. The intelligent ones may even ask if they can be to any help for you. Feel free to accept that if you like. Otherwise say you will cal upon them if you have any questions and try to take their names. That makes them feel important to you and puts you in charge.

If you should be asked to leave, do so without putting up a scene. It will be their loss. There are other stores and times coming up and you might even come back another time and recieve a more friendly welcoming.

I know it isn't easy the first few times, but the nice times will empower you and the bad ones will soon be forgotten or laughed about in disbelief.

Happy shopping

Marianne Tornander