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On the theory that half a loaf is better than none, I am wondering what you might be willing to bargain away in order to get more acceptance from you significant other? Successful relationships are often a negotiation and those who push for everything can end up with nothing or end up not liking what they did get. What deal might you make for acceptance or make no deal at all?
@maureen76 my wife is very supportive. I dress openly at home when she is there, we've done makeovers and photoshoots together and go shopping together.
She is the new, proud owner of my LBD as it fits her better than it fits me.
Hugs, Anna xx
@maureen76 Half a loaf is delicious if you are starving.
I think what you've described becomes a "bargain with the devil" in the long run. You give away part of yourself just to keep a part and in time it will only grow resentment.
For me I was tired of the sneaking, hiding and all and made up my mind to tell my wife. If she couldn't accept or at least try then I was prepared to move along and be on my own.
Hmmmm. This has me wondering. Would I want to give up anything? I have made many compromises over the past 38 years to keep the peace. I guess from one perspective I have relinquished my right(?) to dress whenever I want. to to keep my wife happy. Is that enough of a sacrifice? I don’t know the answer. Thanks for asking the question. It definitely has me thinking whether I could or need to do more. I’m not sure I could make any kind of deal that would allow me to be able to live my life the way I would like.
@ashleigh that's a thoughtful answer that speaks to the complexity of being a married cross dresser
I do not ha e an answer since my wife and I do not negociate such things. We just try to keep a balance in our relationship, but never had said "If I can do X, you can do Y". If she wants to Y she does it whether I did X or not. A friend of mine has to negociate to go skiing...if he goes skiing with me for three days he has to promise his wife three days at the spa or some such thing. If my wife wants a spa day she does a spa day. If I want to ski, I ski. Now, we keep things reasonable. As much as I might want to ski in Europe for a season, I don't because I don't want to be away from her that long...(though I have done a couple of five week trips through Europe solo, but I am always glad to get home.)
@jjandme "keeping a balance" in the relationship is a form of negotiating and "If I can do X then you can do Y" sound like a quid pro quo----I am glad it is working for you JJ
My wife and I discuss, we don't negotiate.
We did have a fun non-negotiation thing going on in that I had a beard that I didn't want and she wanted me to keep; she didn't have a nasal piercing, which she wanted and I didn't want her to have. The non-negotiable thing was like mutually assured destruction: if she got a nose-piercing, I would shave my beard off and I shaved my beard off, she would get a nose-piercing.
This situation went on for years...and then I started cross-dressing One day, quite out of the blue, we both caved in, and on the very same day we went and got her nose pierced and that evening, I shaved my beard off—I shall never grow it back, even if I stop CDing. I don't like to have to shave but at least my face doesn't itch anymore and shaving is much quicker than trimming a beard. Also, my beard was blue (long story) and I dyed it every week—it was quite distinctive though.
@rebeccabaxter An introvert who dislikes people in general with a blue beard. Because THAT wouldn’t be noticeable☺️.
Well, alrighty then.
My wife loves me but hates seeing or thinking of me cross dressed. I am currently her caregiver so I don't get opportunities to cross dress alone very often which is a problem for me. We talked about this around three years ago when she needed 7X24 care and she agreed to let me sleep in a feminine night gown when I need to and to wear a girlie apron and heels when I cook on occasion. I try not to do those things more than 2 or 3 times a week so as not to upset her too much but that is the compromise we currently have worked out. I would really like to be able to go out dressed on occasion but we are not at that point and maybe never will be.
I Don''t think of our relationship as transactional so the bargained away doesn't apply but we try our best to make each other happy and have done so for over 58 years. For most of those years a DADT approach worked for us. That changed when she needed more care and I no longer got much time alone. The feminine part of my brain is very hard for her to understand and accept which makes it hard for me to fully be me. Just the cards I have in my hand and try my best to play well.
@michellemybell A very moving story about how changing situations in a marriage can result in compromises ---it is not all you might want but it is part of it
I’m in the no negotiating, just discuss it crowd here. To me, negotiating deals in a relationship implies trying to change somebody. I think the reason I had an easy time re-emerging as Grace was because my wife and I don’t try to deny each other things that we like. She is an outgoing person who loves to shop, travel, paint and go places everyday. I’m introverted, hate shopping other than online, and traveling anywhere in today’s world, sucks! We’re both retired so we do what we want to. Why would I try and deny her something she likes? Those negotiating issues that couples have never make sense to me. I’m even starting to think that when I started to dress again hers was a sense of relief…thinking at least he’s found something else to occupy his time while I go out shopping😊.
And the added plus is that she now comes home with things that “Aunt Grace” might like.
@gracepal totally agree Grace. Since my wife and I had our latest talk it wasn’t negotiating but an earnest discussion. There were a couple of caveats like don’t let the neighbours see you and wash your makeup off properly but other than those, not one item of if you do X etc. Neither of us are like that or our marriage.
@gracepal I don't mean to be a stickler for words, but discussions between people who have different view is a form of negotiation----you can't have negotiation without a discussion---right?
@maureen76 Mo, that is WAY too much deep thinking for this little blonde brain🤣!
Hmmm. You definitely cannot have negotiation without discussions. But every discussion between people who have different viewpoints is not always a negotiation. Right?
Washing the makeup off…now there’s a biggie. I think that’s the part I hate most about crossdressing. Cause I need a lot of spackle baby!😊
