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I used to present a much better feminine image when I was younger, as I'm sure we all did. Now when I take twice the time as I used to for makeup and dressing, I see a bad version of Mrs. Doubtfire or perhaps an aging linebacker in a dress staring back at me. I know aging and all the problems that come with it is something everyone in the world faces as they grow older. I just wonder if it is more acute for cross dressers because many of us want to present ourselves as feminine as possible and it gets harder and harder to do as we age?
@maureen76 Hello Maureen and all the CDH girls,
Like many of us "mature" CDH'ers, I have an extensive collection of photos that go back as far as the late 80's /early 90's and yes, I did look a lot... younger.... See my CDH "publics" for proof.
But at least for me, as I have aged, I have found myself developing are much more "age appropriate" dressing style and (they said it not me, check out my photo comments) a certain "elegance and style".
I never did or try to "rock a mini" or skyscraper heels. (trust me I tried)...My make up skills have improved to where not all my CDH "public's" are from pro makeovers.
So early days, I was just content to dress in private, in anything from bridal gowns to formal wear to "mum at the shops", Clever Secretary etc etc.
I did wear my "Scarlett O Caty" dress in "public", aka CD conference back in 2017..
These days I only get to go public maybe 3 times year tops!!And that may not happen again now until 2025.
But I'm a contended Old Chook, (translation chicken), who's achieved 99% of all the CD things I've ever wanted to do.
So in closing,
Cest LA(CD)Vie....
While I have "older" pictures, I do not have any prior to my 40's. I would love to have some in my teens and twenties but there wasn't possible for me at the time.
@ryanpaul even in my “advanced” years I still revert to my early girl years and can’t resist my mini skirts, they may not be suitable for grocery shopping but still feel so sexy!
@joanarbour yes---the mini skirt which showed so much leg---always hard to resist no matter your age---Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 I don't know. I never presented as female when I was younger. I guess I won't be as disappointed as I would have been. I'll just start from here and go forward and see what happens.
@maureen76 This is definitely true for me. Like many others, I'm playing catchup since being a woman is new to me and I'm having issue reconciling my physical age and my mental age. This manifests itself in issues with selecting "age appropriate" clothing. I tend to push those "boundaries" sometimes.
@lauren114 Good point Lauren when you say " I'm having issue reconciling my physical age and my mental age." --- my mental image of myself is as i was in my twenties ---but when I look in the mirror---that image is shattered==LOL--Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 I'm having issue reconciling my physical age and my mental age. This manifests itself in issues with selecting "age appropriate" clothing. I tend to push those "boundaries" sometimes.
Look up Billy Crystal's 1985 "You Look Marvelous". 😁
@maureen76 I have had a good time over the years, been there done it got the T-shirt, if any think Maureen, I am like "wow that time went fast".
@maureen76 So much truth in there. I've realized the I not only want to present as female, but as MUCH YOUNGER female. From the billion dollar makeup industry, I assume all women feel this way.
Like everything else in life, I do what I can. I've researched facial products and I have routine. Same for makeup, which I wear as male or female. I won't ever have nice eyelashes and discovered that the prescription to take them longer and thicker (the ONLY method with real research behind it) costs $100/month so that isn't happening. I can buy the best mascara for far less.
And I learn to accept. I have some really attractive features. Out of 100 photos, a couple look good. I'm a good person who people seem to like. Age marches on and I both fight and accept it...if that makes any sense.
@kristacrawford1967 Yes Krista ---"age marches on" ---and I think we all both fight it and accept it----although I think acceptance usually wins in the end because we can't stop it----without a mirror my picture of myself is as I was in my twenties, however, with a mirror---that illusion is shattered. The worst thing is as men age (I don't think you are there yet) but they get hair in their ears and more in their nose and eyebrows that wasn't there before---so more time spent plucking than when younger---but then what is a little more time spent on makeup when it means a better looking you--right---hugs Maureen
@maureen76 I've only be fully dressing with makeup and wigs for about a year. I did post recently my first photo and I can see a huge improvement in look since. Partly through confidence, partly through better styling.
I can see a strong resemblance to some of my female relatives which is less obvious when I am in drab. Until I started presenting en-femme I hadn't realised just how like my sister I am.
Hugs,
Anna
I can agree with so much of what you are saying. I so hate my gray hair, so much that I had it colored again yesterday. I feel that without the gray and a little makeup to minimize my wrinkles that I take 10 to 25 years off my appearance. If only my arthritis would go away and I could feel that much younger too. In fact today I was sitting at a table and one lady said she was probably the oldest there (she was in her mid 50's). I told her I will be 70 in 3 weeks.
Cassie
@maureen76 today I find it easier to get ready and only takes half the time. The glamour part has left the building so makeup is simple: eye shadow, liner, mascara, foundation and blush only takes ten minutes max. I now dress to blend so leggings appear a lot, a nice top, and the killer heels have disappeared forever so unless it’s dress up day, it’s dress sandals or two inch wedges. A little stuffing in some shape and I’m off. My nails, shaving, and eyebrows are always done so nothing to do there really. In days gone by I could spend an hour just doing makeup.
@jillleanne interesting take on things---that it is actually easier to prepare than the opposite
Hiya,
I would say yes, it is harder for me. I have been dressing since I was a pre-teen and I see the changes in me. Since I believe the majority of CDs do not take hormones we still have all the effects of testosterone and, of course, age. I believe as a group we are vain and want to look our best (and many times our sexist) we can.
I do dress age appropriate. Gone are the days of mini skirts and short shorts for something more suitable. That being said I dress "sophisticated" and not "dowdy". I do not dress like my grandmother or mother by a long shot.
Amberlynn
@maureen76 As this is all still new(ish) to me & I don't have any photo's to compare with I can't really say that I present better now as I didn't start dressing until a couple of years ago & not seriously until earlier this year. I did play around with it over the years but it was just a bit of fun back then & I certainly didn't want there to be any evidence of it. The only 2 pictures of me that have ever been seen anywhere are on this site & have been deleted from everywhere else "just in case" It would be interesting to see how I would have scrubbed up back in the day but that will have to remain in the what if? category.
In the end we all want to look "young & beautiful" whether we be CD's or natural women but we just need to see the inner beauty that will always be there & not worry too much about the shell that the world see's.
X
Sasha
@maureen76 Hi Maureen and thank youfor this post. You are absolutely right that as we mature it starts taking more and more time to get ready to go out. In my late teens I’d be ready to go in 3/4 of an hour and now at 74 it takes me about 2 hours. But the good thing is I still enjoy every minute of watching Trish slowly appear in the mirror.
I’m pretty lucky as far as the genes from my parents so I look far younger than I am. Guesses from people who’ve wanted to know are usually in the mid forty range. So rather than dressing age appropriate I dress the age I look. I’m still very healthy and in pretty good shape which also helps. The only sad part for me is LI started going out in public when I was in my late teen and back in the late 60’s there was no internet and the photo’s I’ve collected of myself didn’t start until 2020. But some is better than none.
Trish ❤️
@trish1980 Hi Trish, You have a much longer history of dressing fully and going out than I do. So, I can't talk about the three quarters of an hour it took me as a teenager---LOL--- I didn't start fully dressing till my 30's or so, and even then only went out to events a few times --- but looking back I know it was easier to look better and took less time than now----you are lucky now in looking younger than you are and having maintained a thin body---looks like you out ran middle age spread as they call it ----Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 hi Maureen. It is definitely more of a challenge looking pretty as I age. I noticed my face and skin is aging a lot like women my age. I moisturize regularly and have managed to maintain smooth healthy skin but it is starting to show. It seems my features are starting to look like women my age who take care of themselves.
@sweetdani4luv Yes I also moisturize on a regular basis and it helps a great deal---I also try to stay out of the sun as much as possible these days---wish I had done more of that earlier---Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 It sure does. I've begun to lament how come in my old age hair won't grow on my head but it will grow out my nose, out my ears, and down my back? The younger girls here I would encourage to work on makeup so you can get out there and live, because there will come a time when no matter what you do, you will look like Leonid Brezhnev.
So totally agree and both of your visions I have felt. I do wonder if it’s because I’m not age appropriate with my clothing and makeup. I’ve always enjoyed looking at myself in the mirror when I dress and I find that I look less now and am just happy about how I feel. Joining this community has also helped.
Now I just need to lose a good 50 pounds to look more feminine. Ha
@staciebobacie yes---we can't rock minis anymore even if we ever could---plus dreesing too young only draws attention to oneself
Yes, Definitely. And 20-yrs of chemo- takes its toll, as well. I just keeping harping to my brain, “Girl, you’re lucky just to still BE HERE. Smell the %#}% ROSES, already!!! I will say people do tend to stare as I full-on SNORT petals of my daily dozen before lunchtime. But, Have Mercy, Child and RUN if you see that I’m about to sneeze!!! LOL.
Jona
One of the interesting things about age is the lines between male / female become more blurred.
So less becomes more.
But. Of course. Make-up is marketed towards those who strive to remain youthful and vibrant in appearance.
Its worthwhile utubing make-up for 60 plus.
It is a double edge sword. We all want to look our best and look young and pretty...something that is a challenge since our younger selves often have more masculine features. On the other hand, many older women tend to give up teying to look good which opens the door for us to actually look as good, or often times better then women of our age.
While I am no raving beauty, I am surprised that I often look better than a large number of women in my age group.
@jjandme I like this "On the other hand, many older women tend to give up trying to look good which opens the door for us to actually look as good, or often times better then women of our age."----interesting idea
Now that you point it out, yes, I believe you are indeed correct, but the key is “age appropriate groups”.
As much as our male side changes the shape so does life and of course age. Many women of the world get that point in life when looking in the mirror there are bulges where there shouldn't be, unwanted hair and the youthful shine has gone.
Luckily there is an industry out there that has benefited us girls too. Corsets to squeeze back the mid drift and it can drift by some margin. Bras to boost, reshape and lift even enhancers for the hips and butt. The make up industry and skincare products available to make a swan out of an ugly duckling to the great variety of wigs made to look natural.
Clothing is designed for ladies of various shapes and heights to flatter and brighten the oddest of frames.
In todays world there isn't the fear to ask an assistant to help in choices or find a service that will help with hair, makeup or style.
We are not unlike women of our age who desire to look the best they can.
But another thing, women or C.D'r, we just hate the girl who can look good and age well at the same time....
@ab123 Ha ha ha, I'm sorry for that Angela but it's not my fault. It's my parents they're the ones that gave me the genes I have, god bless them both.
Trish💖🤗💕
@trish1980 They gave you the genes and you wear them well. I am more like faded denim....
@ab123 Well Angela, I think you're far to hard on yourself. You and I both know you're an attractive woman, more like a sequined dress than faded denim. Hope you had wonderful weekend.
Trish💖
@maureen76 I can tell you this: Recently I've been struggling with my reason to dress. Yes, I like getting to express my feminine side, however I had considered that Melodee gets some small amount of attention when out and about - something I feel guy-me gets zero of. I was beginning to worry that I was getting dolled mostly out of vanity; to go out and get a 'hit' of that positive reinforcement from others, and I found that troubling.
However, I was laying in bed Sunday morning and thinking about how I felt in general. I'm 53 (yes, I know - spring chicken) and the signs of aging are starting to pop up - thinning hair, diminished energy, more chronic issues - and my first thought was to get dolled up. This made me recognize that the factor driving me wasn't vanity (although to be sure it's involved) but rather the quest for youth. Melodee looks younger and does younger things, and it is this itch that I'm scratching.
Now, to your point, it takes me 2+ hours to get that feeling and I'm certain there is only so far I'd go to have it, but it gave me some peace because I think that feeling of youth comes from within and isn't something I need to go get from others.
@melodeescarlet Melodee---what you said was very thoughtful and full of insight into your motivations especially when you said "This made me recognize that the factor driving me wasn't vanity (although to be sure it's involved) but rather the quest for youth. Melodee looks younger and does younger things, and it is this itch that I'm scratching." ---I think my motivations may be similar and for me the added motivation of just wanting to escape in to a world where all my concerns in my man life don't bother me as much anymore---in other words, an escape from reality==Hugs Maureen
@maureen76 Oh yes, absolutely some escapism in there! Lots of reasons:
- The feeling of youthfulness
- Not having to deal with or be bound by masculinity
- Getting to express femininity (which I feel isn't quite the same as the above)
- Maybe getting the odd compliment here and there! 😊
I just wanted to reassure myself that the last one wasn't the primary one.
@melodeescarlet agreed about the additional reasons for dressing--all are important and contribute to our desire to dress---Hugs Maureen
I guess I’m lucky in that I never got to dress fully when I was younger, so I can’t lament about what might have been. I’m just living the life I have and happy to be doing what I do.
But, sometimes I wonder what i’d have been if I
had presented as a complete woman years ago. I just wish I could have dressed back then to see some photos to compare.
@jennconn That's the wonder (ok regret in my case) I have too. I wonder what I would have looked like en-femme aged 25. I did dress in private then without makeup so I will always wonder what it would have been like.
Jennifer and Anna---even though late starter---you are both beautiful women now---Hugs Maureen
It's only harder in our minds as we still desire the image of the younger woman to be reflected in the mirror.
One thing that does get easier is acceptance in public. When I was part of a support group some years ago our President presented as an older woman. We would go as a group to the movies and most of us would be stared at, especially by young women, but our President would walk past them unnoticed. As older women we are given less notice by the public and can actually more easily go about our business.
@cherylt That is true---we should always try to dress age appropriate if we wish to avoid stares---but then some don't mind---but I think most of us prefer to blend in
good evening ladies., i live near cincinnati,oh.... at a local fortune 500 grocery store.... i have met quite a few people of come to know me... i cannot go anywhere in my area that i dont run across someone i know. even my breast augmentation surgeon new me before i new him.! i have become good friends with many of our costumers.... I dress feminine everyday. I will never pass ...you will be respected more by who you are than who you are trying to be..... people really dont care how you dress! but if you are friendly to them. i have quite a few stories i could share with you. Many people dont even notice. I am dressed everywhere i go...you can to!!! yes it is hard in your mind, people really dont care. so this is the time to enjoy yourself . Most of the negative stories you see on the internet is OLD information. the way it was!! but know, times are different. i have had quite a few female customers give me earrings, dresses and a one customer gave me a dozen wigs.... even had breakfast with several of them. the new age is dress as you want and enjoy yourself.
@sharon9999 yes, the younger generation is much more open to people dressing as they please---Hugs Maureen
