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I was working out of town a few years back... It was about two years before Payless closed it's doors. When I am out of town, I am not really concerned with someone seeing me somewhere that may cause a pause. Because of this, I am more apt to try on shoes, and look in the bigger stores in the mall at the dresses and not be so nervous about it.
Anyway, this particular store had the size 11 shoes on the next aisle over from the size 12s. There was a guy in there probably in mid 20s browsing at the mens shoes, which Payless always put next to the larger size women's shoes. I was shopping, always in drab, looking at the display at the end of the aisle, and I noticed he was looking somewhat nervous by where the Mens and Womens shoes met. It reminded me of myself when I was just starting out shopping. Anyway I walked to the size 11s and browsed a little. I wondered if there were more 11s on the next aisle over so i went over there and the guy quickly and nervously put down some heels he was looking at and picked up some awful looking mens shoes that even men wouldn't be caught dead in, and pretended to be looking at them.
I thought to myself, if that were me would I want another alert CDer to say something or just pretend not to notice me? But I also recalled how nervous I was shopping years ago. So i proceeded to pick up a pair of the highest, sparkliest heels I could find while standing about three feet from him (a pair that I would never buy, mind you. Heck I didnt even like the ones I picked up) and slipped out of my boring guy sandals and slipped into those heels and walked just a short way down the aisle. The guy stood there pretending not to see, seemingly frozen... I took the heels back off and put them away and just slowly walked to the end of the aisle back to the 11s. I never said a word to him but out of the corner of my eye I could see that he put down those awful monstrosities he had and picked the heels back up that he originally had in his hand. Hopefully I eased his mind a little. And, on the outside chance that this sounds like this could have been you, in a Payless in Tennessee about 4 years ago, send me a message! it would be a gas to hear from you!
We can be an example and an encouragement to others any time, any place. I have never had the opportunity to help out a potential sister like that, but I hope I would step up like you did, Sweetie.
Your story is so inspirational. I’ve never been in one of those situations, but if I ever am, I now have a plan. Thanks for posting this.
A few years ago, I worked with a transgender woman. I enjoyed talking with her and working with her. I was far back in the closet back then.
I was at a flea market a couple weeks ago and a person that was working there was a trans-woman. She didn't need any help or encouragement. Also a grocery store I go to has several transgender employees.
I haven't helped any as they doing well for themselves. It is just nice to see more of us out there.
When I was a regular at the clubs in Amarillo, we always watched out for a 'new' girl tobe in the club. Yourfirstcouple of times can be pretty intimidating. The small group I ran with would usually have one or two of us approach them and ask them to join us if they wished, then we could give her the low down on the club and a lot of the patrons.
Out in public, noticing another CD brings a whole new set of circumstances. Do you approach her or not? How do you approach her without scaring or intimidating her? In the club it is so easy to decide because that's what people do, while out shopping or eating you don't want her to become upset for being too pushy.
It is a conundrum for sure, and must be worked out differently for each instance.
PaulaF
It sounds like you handled that perfectly! Encouraging but private and sensitively at the same time. What is it they say? actions speak louder than words xx
I think you handled it very well now Tiffany and kudos. Whenever I see a fellow sister on the streets I smile and say hello. Even if they are too scared to respond I know I made their day
I know I would appreciate little gestures like that. I don't try to be as stealth of a shopper as I used to, but still try to avoid others while shopping. If I was trying to look at women's shoes while pretending to look at men's and saw a man try on heels, I would interpret that as, I'm not alone and it's ok. Especially with shoes, it would be helpful, as feminine footwear has been a complete failure for me so far. I've ordered 2 pairs of shoes online, and still have zero pairs of feminine shoes that fit me. I'm cursed with big feet, so I can't find anything that fits at the department stores. Maybe third time will be the charm for me?
Birel
Check out Funkypair.com. and look thru their Pink Label section. I also have big feet and a size 16 in the Pleaser heels fit me perfectly.
Well done Tiffany
Read some excellent advice on CDH once.... never call out a CD you suspect, they are trying to fit in or pass and that's telling them they don't. After all, how would I feel.
But I get the idea if thinking we're helping or showing sisterly support.
I used to be that guy you saw, not usually in the last few years, more confident now, but still cautiously aware of who maybe watching me.
I've run into more transgender individuals than crossdressers. I've spotted possible crossdressers looking at women's shoes. Never dared or felt it was appropriate to call someone out just so that I would feel less alone. I do wish there was a way to say... yes, these heels are for me, all respectful conversations welcome.
