Having thoughts.

The question I would ask is, can you live without your wife.

Is your crossdressing more important than your marriage?

Only you can answer that.

Ashley,

Only every single day! After being married nearly 45 years, I am certain that my perception of my wife’s reaction if I were to reveal Haley to her would be one of horror, misunderstanding, Catholic guilt, and the feeling that I had deceived her…which I have. At this point, my growing desire to either live as or certainly spend more time as Haley pulls on me, but is it selfish to just consider myself and my feelings?

Haley😘

Well I wouldn’t put my crossdressing ahead of my wife of 26 years and that’s what my Counsellor said. Are you willing to live with all that would come with transitioning. So the short answer at this time is no.
thanks

Ashley.

First - know the difference between being A Crossdresser and being A Trans Woman.  It makes a HUGE difference with your wife. Whichever one you are - embrace it. But know the difference.  My wife is ok with my crossdressing since it is just that - I have no desire to transition and I tell her that.  She has no fears of losing "her man".

Absolutely. I think about it every day. And, perhaps, if I had learned about "transitioning" 35 years ago I would have taken another path in life. I have no wife to worry about, but I do have children, siblings and, most importantly, a career that I love and refuse to jeopardize. So, I have accepted that transition isn't an option for me. But, I do think about it often.

Well, at 65 I can only ask myself how much time I have, and what would the extent of the mental and financial carnage such a revelation would have. But, maybe I underestimate her ability to accept me, guess that is the more logical path. But, could I live without her…probably, and I believe that it would be OK for her in the long run too, especially after being able to accept it and move on. I believe we both deserve better, maybe a bigger slice of emotions, acceptance, open-mindedness and possibly fantasy as well. My behavior is not a response to a high level of personal satisfaction in my marriage after all of these years, but rather an option to consider as I ponder my future and what it holds. Is true happiness possible if it causes pain for others?

Haley😘

Well when I first came out to her I told her I was just a crossdresser. But since being able to dress more often in front of her and going out in public  I find I want to do it all the time. Really I just think it’s a matter of enjoying it rather then becoming a woman full time.

I hear ya there hun. I’m doing a brake job on my car in panties, bra, light mascara and eye shadow with just a slash of perfume right now.  I do the same as I wear women’s jeans and tops when out presenting as a man.  Thanks for the reply Lisa.

This is the correct answer.

Having these desires is not something we choose.   We simply have them.   But transition is different.  It is indeed a choice.

For some of us, the choice is easy.  For others, not so much.  But for all of us, it weighs one set of needs against another.

You know what a decision to transition could cost.  So, the question is simple: is the price you'd have to pay worth what you'll gain?

For most of us, the answer is no.

Hi Ashley I believe most of us would love to experience living as a woman full time. For most of us it is just fantasy. I love having a wife to be a friend, confidant, lover and a true partner in life. My wife loves having a masculine husband for many of the same reasons. You are changing the game in the middle of the game. That is the No#2 question from all our SOs when they find out about our desire to present our selves in the feminine. Do you have plans to transition to a woman. Number #1 is are you Gay. If you answer "yes" to any one of the two. It is a game changer. In most cases its game over. There are those who stick with their partner and it seems to work out. I read somewhere a woman was interviewed about her husbands joy of cross dressing that eventually turned into a full time transition. She said" I miss my cross dressing husband" because there was at least there was some masculinity in her life. She married a masculine man because she was attracted to masculine men Having to choose between love and attraction was so very difficult for her. No one deserves to be forced to make that choice. Just a thought Luv Stephanie

Yes hun it’s just a thought. I know I couldn’t transition even if I wanted to as it would have to many effects and the bad would out way the good.

Good advice here as usual. You say you're already dressing androgynously when in male mode so I think the most important question is - Can you give up all that you have worked for as a male to become a full time no question about it female? If your answer is yes then go for it and don't look back. If not then try to be content with dressing as you do now and save the dressing to the nines only for certain occasions.

I would love to live full time as Michelle but I know I can't so like you, I'm moving toward living androgynously in daily life. I do what makes me feel happy and girly as much as possible without committing fully as a female all the time. The only thing I really miss is having boobs but that would be a bit too far in public as an andro.

Hi Ashley

I am probably non binary, gender fluid, governed mainly by how I currently present, but with a need to present the feminine side from time to time.

When, it is not possible to specify.

Some days I ache to be fully femme. I have no desire to transition as I have a use for the male side, but I find it hard to be in male mode all the time - it's never really sat well with me.

However, having time to be in female mode (I use "mode", as a way of distinguishing from actually feeling like a woman, because I don't - similarly man, yet do not feel androgynous, just ambiguous).

The female side finds it enough to be expressed through the clothing and makeup - indeed, it always feels like an adventure to be en femme, out and about. Maybe that's the reward for leaving it so late in life to fully discover!

In male mode, I almost never feel the clothing - in that, I do not know what character I am projecting, place in the pecking order, whatever - I feel very mercurial. This is the most ambiguous side.

The female mode knows exactly what she is expressing through the clothing and makeup - it's carefully chosen. Yet it's almost separate from "me" - I just know that I feel amazing, and hopefully project amazing (in the many meanings that word has) - maybe a bit confusing, but always solid and sure of herself.

That has helped my uncertain, often scared, anxious and worried male persona no end - and is one of the most amazing things about cross dressing - the tangible transformative power it brings.

I guess it's rather self-centred, but if you can't love yourself, how're you going to love somebody else?

Can I get an Amen in here?

😍😍😍😍😁

Love Laura

I think about transitioning quite a bit but it's really not a option. I am afraid I would miss myself. If you could flip a switch and change and the rest of my life would stay intact I would do it in a second. But that's a fairy tale. Could I exist without my wife? Of course I could. I don't want to.