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So i got my start in crossdressing at 10 years old, not under good circumstances. Two older boys coerced me into dressing like a girl, then proceeded to molest and sexually abuse me, this happened quite a few times and went on for a while. Even though i didn't like what they were doing to me, or things they were making me do on them, i got hooked dressing like a girl. Some years later though, at 15, i was to be the victim again, this time drugged, tied to a bed where i was held against my will, made to give oral, and was raped anally over and over again during the almost 2 days he had me held. This was severly traumatic for me, still havent been able to get help talking about it, its hard for me to be able to tell anyone just what exactly he did to me, cuz i dont want anyone who knows me to know those things happened to me. After being raped, i kinda started to think back about it, and for some reason it would turn me on to recall the assaults, which scares me that i would become aroused over this, but i did, found myself fantasizing about scenarios of being assaulted again. I wish i could get help with this cuz thats not a healthy thing, i think! I feel like a deviant a little because of it, and i dont like feeling like there's something wrong with me
Stacy, I want to say that I cannot point to any of your feelings about what happened and say that this or that is "wrong." The mind does amazing things in order to deal with traumatic crises, and it might appear "wrong" or "unhealthy." The mind does what it does to get by.
My heart goes out to you. I have no idea what it was like for you, or what you are experiencing now. I honor the difficulty and pain that you experience because of someone else's cruelty.
As we're hearing through the news and the MeToo movement, so many people - women, men, trans - are telling why they didn't ever say anything, why they didn't tell. You're certainly not alone.
I'm not a therapist, so I can't tell you what to do. I would highly recommend finding one, or perhaps a life coach, because I've learned that when I share my secrets - with someone I can trust (started with my life coach) - those secrets lose some of their power over me. They lose much of their shame.It's been the truth for me over the last two years when I decided to explore this gender identity thing, and see me for who I am, despite all the self-shaming.
You have already started by sharing your story here.
As a sister, I would say that your journey shows me that I can accept and love myself even when I don't understand myself. That is an affirmation that I use a lot. You are welcome to use it.
Intellection is one of my strengths, but every strength can be a weakness. I get lost in trying to figure out this genderfluid thing, trying to "understand." There are so many angles, I get confused, and feel like I'm not legitimate, that there's something wrong with me, I'm a freak, a pervert. But how can it be wrong if it feels so good? Round and round I go.
If you feel like you don't understand what's going on in your own journey, know that you're not alone.
I love and accept myself even when I don't understand myself.
I am grateful for your sharing with us and know that this sharing is part of the healing.
Peace, Lorie
Thank you for sharing I also had similar things happen to me
My dear Anonymous...........sweetheart........I feel so bad for you. What you have experienced has damaged you and broken your trust of people for life. I have assisted 3 of our girls....like yourself....and have helped them immensely to overcome most of their trauma and go on to live much better lives. I extend my hand to you my sister. Let's be friends and see if we can help you bury your past and gain a renewed start on life and happiness. I am a mentor for girls in such situations and would dearly love to help you and guide you on the road to enlightenment and being the best you can be. If you decide to share with me....I will give you my e-mail address and we can chat in complete privacy.
As Lori suggests....a life councilor or psychologist should also be consulted for assistance. What I offer is a chance at developing courage to seek their assistance. I know this will be a big hurdle for you and I am willing to hold you hand...my sister. You are not alone. The Sisterhood of CDH are here for you.......let us help.
Hugs........
Dame Veronica
hi my name is kim i hope this site can help mme and i hope i can help you too . I was raped when i was 6 and 9 both i was not suppose to live from the 2nd rape he use
Steel bars on me now i lived in a small town
Where everybody knows everybody so i
Was told to man up shut up and never talk
About it again that was 50 years ago now i
Have a broken body you see to man up iwould fight the more the better so now this
Mouth i had to have an opp to save my life
For the people who know i lost L4,L5,S1,s2,c4,C5,C6 and i lost 4in in height
I lost 80%of my spine so don't end up like
Me this is just one problem of meny so please donot man up whatever that means
Amd be safe
I’m so sorry but I also experienced something similar I don’t know if it’s why I’m like this now I barely have a memory of it but know it happened
