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It's a long story that started many decades ago. I don't remember exactly when I became interested in girl's and women's clothes. I was maybe around five when I tried one of my sister's necklaces but got caught because I couldn't figure out how to undo the clasp. And caught holy hell from my father over it. So I know even then that I had to be very careful about staying under the radar.
As to the why of it, perhaps it was because my early boyhood upbringing came from my mother and older sister. They never tried to or even talked about trying to dress me up, although I might have volunteered. I think it was just watching my sister and her friends having fun together and they talked about their clothes and hair and such. It was all so fascinating, and I would have loved to join their fun. But my father would have had none of it in any case. He was a good father, all told, but quite tough minded and traditional like most of the men of his generation. Very bound by custom and very wary of the taboos of those times.
Later, as opportunity arose, I would sneak into my sister's room and try on some of the stack of bangle bracelets she had on her dresser. I still find the "click-click, clack-clack" sounds they make while they slide up and down quite alluring. But as I grew my hands got too big for them.
Then, some time before then or around that time, my mother decided she wanted to store my sister's high school prom dress in my bedroom closet. My mother said it was because there wasn't enough room in my sister's closet and it needed to be stored in the open where it wouldn't get crushed. Naturally, she warned me that I wasn't to touch it. I pretty much ignored it for a couple of years.
Then one day, something clicked. I don't know why, but all of a sudden I realized I had a dress in my closet. My own close barely took up half of the space in it, and as I moved my stuff over to one side, there was the dress.
It was a typical 1960s style prom dress. It was light blue satin with a flowery lace overlay on the bodice. It wasn't particularly low cut and had wide shoulder straps, but it was a dress. And it actually fit me
I don't to this day what came over me, what made me decide to try it on. With my sister away at college and my parents often leaving me on my own at home, the opportunity was there. I think I reasoned that of the dress was iny closet, then it was meant that I should try it on.
And that's how I put "my" first dress on. Later, I added one of my sister's bras stuffed with a rolled up pair of my socks, and a three strand faux pearl necklace from my mother's jewelry box. With my slender prepubescent body and no beard yet to speak of, I imagined I looked quite girlish.
Other outfits and accessories would soon follow. And makeup too. It was the start of my "glory days" of dressing as a girl. I got away with it for a long time too. My sister's and parents were on quite predictable schedules, so I always knew when I'd have sufficient time for dressing up, putting everything away like I found it, and cleaning the makeup off before anyone came home. And with a few near misses, I pulled it off.
That was how I got started. I'll be adding more as time goes on. I didn't get into how it made me feel and what my motivations were so I'll try to include some of that in my next post here.
Please feel free to comment as we go along. I'll check back here soon.
Rayna
@rayna GLORY DAYS,
I pulled it off !
I enjoyed the read, thank you for sharing.
I like many others have shared our past and how we got started on this website. Others have included how they're doing and where they are now me included. And I think all of us can fantasize about the future for our growth and development and acceptance in the broader Society. We can have some optimism as we see how AI and the internet has expanded opportunities to share and get advice, pictures Etc. My opinion is that we have to keep pushing the river challenging conformity and pushing for women's Independence including the women within us. And we can be helpful by sharing with other normal type males until emotional maturity starts to awaken or be born or developed in the -standard Bill affair that WE CALL the average man in society today. We've got our work cut out for us so get off the couch and get busy educating people about the freedoms that we ourselves love and want dressing in femme, growing in a skill development of sensitivity and empathy and relationship as women contributing to the well-being of all.
@rayna Well all that sounds very familiar right down to mostly raised by mother and older sister with the addition of grandmother living upstairs. I was also lucky i guess as when my sister moved out I was maybe 12 and I moved into her room which was the entire basement. this included a cedar closet filled with dresses , a bucket of jewelry and a wig. odd that even some of the jewelry was clip on earrings. like they just wanted me to dress up or something geeze. It was like the magic closet. then when no one was home I could go upstairs and add my moms makeup. Dont know why it was so much fun but it just was. and is today. Cheers RC
Thanks Rayna for sharing your story.
Alice
I would love to wear a prom dress one of these days. Especially the ones from the 50's and 60's. They are very pretty.
It's time to continue the story. Young adulthood and middle age offered fewer opportunities to dress up, and with very limited wardrobe choices. Privacy concerns prevented me from using mail order (there wasn't an Internet back then) and shopping on stores was very stressful as I was very self conscious. And I had to keep my stash hidden so I couldn't build a truly complete wardrobe. I would shop out of town and out of state too, to avoid being spotted by anyone I knew. But what with my limited opportunities to dress, I didn't really need much of a wardrobe.
I sometimes got my "fix" by looking through the catalogs, imagining what it would be like to wear all those pretty things, and adoring the lovely women who modeled them. I began to imagine a world where these women would welcome me into their feminine world and not only offer to transform me, but require it. Now I'm branching into topics not encouraged here at CDH, but I'm pretty sure many of you out there know what I'm talking about. Crossdressing isn't the only thing "different" about me.
That imaginary world of beautiful women wanting to transform me never truly existed, but I began to explore some of the adult bookstores and novelty shops in my region, and from there I found ways to contact certain professional ladies who offered such experiences, along with others. I visited a few over the years, which gets very expensive very quickly, but only offers a few short hours of transformation. With the advent of the internet I was able to contact a couple of non- or semi- professional women for a few more such experiences. One in particular became a friend of sorts, and in addition to playing together ,she took me out shopping at a local CD store and a wig store where she helped me pick out some nice things. I've posted a free pictures here and there of myself wearing the wig she chose for me, and one of the outfits too. We had fun and worked played well together, but she still charged me for the time.
For personal and health reasons, I took a break from all of it for several years, those leading up to and including the Panicdemic days. During that time, I experienced a fairly serious health crisis, forcing me to make significant lifestyle changes, mostly diet and exercise with some medications.
I was successful in those efforts. I lost a significant amount of weight, regained some of my old energy, and began to enjoy the great outdoors which I deeply love once more. As my physical health improved ,so too did my mental and spiritual health. And with the weight loss came the idea that it would also improve my "figure". That's when the urge to dress up came roaring back.
So, I began to try to reconnect with my friend but she seems to have left the scene although her online profile on the website on which I found her is still there. I had to look for alternatives. I happened across a video whose topic, which I later found was somewhat misleading, was about website where crossdressers can meet women who support them. This website was one of those mentioned. I found out very quickly from the admins that it wasn't quite what I thought I was looking for, but since I'd already bought in, I made a couple of changes to my profile and decided to stick around and stir about. I've already been to a small event while dressed, and I'm looking forward to doing it again. Brother is nearly fearless, and some of that fearlessness has spilled over to this side. I still haven't found the imaginary feminine world I wanted to find, if it even exists. But perhaps I've found where I need to be. Both Brother and I are experiencing a sort of rebirth and renewal, and the future looks brighter than it had been looking for far too long.
Time for me to do a little shopping.
Rayna
