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I dropped my wife's car off for a valet today (We're hoping to sell it). I was in Cerys mode. It was going to take an hour or so, so I visited a nearby supermarket cafe for a cup of tea and a cake. I was dressed smart, but not overly so. The man on the table next to me started talking to me about the weather. It is very warm here in south Wales for October. We chatted for about ten minutes. He finished what he was drinking and eating. As he got up to leave he said "Would you like to meet for a coffee some time?". This shook me. I do not make a passable crossdresser, especially close to. I don't talk like a woman. I have manly hands, with bitten fingernails.
I made up a story about not being local, and working away a lot. He said it was a shame, but he hopes to bump into me again.
I'm a straight male that likes to dress/present as a woman. I have no interest in men. I admit to being flattered, but this doesn't sit easily with me. It has never happened before. I've had a car beep it's horn at me once, but it wasn't close up and personal. I'm more flattered by the fact that he thought I was female. This would show that I'm getting my make up right. It might be that he knew I was male, and this was his thing. Either way, it made me feel a bit icky. I've had a gay man come on to me in a gay friendly pub before now. A group of us, mixed gay and straight. I was in male mode then. I explained that In was straight, we laughed, and carried on our night. This chap in the cafe has irked me a little.
Has this happened to any of you? How did you handle it?
I'm a little confused as if you look at my public pics, I'm hardly a stunner 😉
Cerys.
Cerys, there's no harm in asking and so he did and you were not rude in your response so I think it's all good. I know myself I'd be pinching myself to see if it's true, what a form of acceptance to have but that's just my opinion.
Sherri
Hi Cerys!
I would take it as a compliment and be content with that! Yes I can see how you would want to know if you passed or if you got read and analyze it from that angle (I know I would!) but just be proud that he was respectful, kind, and courteous.
I have not been out that much, but the closest I came to this situation was stopping at a bar across the street from my air B and B. It was late, but still crowded. I was wearing the black top and jeans outfit in my gallery; nothing over the top. Two Irish gentlemen started talking to me…they were brothers; one was gay. So yes they clocked me (not surprised; I also wasn’t hiding my voice) because the gay one asked if I had been to the drag show down the street. It was a very pleasant conversation and they bought me a drink. But nothing beyond that…we spoke most of the time talking about our kids! On a side note, I went to the drag show next time I was in town, so I was very happy to have had that conversation!
valerie
Hi girls,
For some of us, particularly those who are trans gender, passing as a woman and being able to blend in is a major goal. One of the interesting results of passing is being chatted up by men, ask me how I know.
I also speak with a feminine voice and, being intersex, have feminine attributes and mannerisms. I am often approached by men, and like you Cerys, find it uncomfortable as I am not attracted to men at all, never have been. On my Facebook page I receive constant friend requests from men, all of them immediately deleted. I take public transit to and from work every day, recently one of the regulars at my bus stop in the morning, came up to me and asked me what my name was. I was taken aback briefly and gave him a shortened version of my middle name, he told me his name and fortunately the bus arrived before there was further conversation. I now make sure I keep my distance and have ignored him, which he notices, so hopefully that took care of the situation.
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Although I can't say I've been hit on by anyone while in 'girl mode', I have been hit on by men before in "male mode" and for the most part I was able to take it in stride as a compliment.
The one exception being a time when I was out at a bar and the man hitting on me was being overly aggressive with me. His persistence in asking me to join him in the restroom was a bit unsettling.
For your case, depending on the tone of their voice when asking about seeing you again I would likely take it as a compliment.
-Natalie
Hi Cerys.
What you need to know is there are a lot of men out there who fancy CD’s. If you were talking like a guy and were’t dressed to blend in then, yeah, he new you weren’t a woman. I looked at you pics and honestly, with the right make up I do believe you could pass as a women. But I certainly wouldn’t be bothered by it.
Trish ❤️
Disclaimer: I enjoy the attention.
Whenever I get catcalls or invitations, I just say: "Thank you, but I am already taken." Which is the truth, I am happily married and wish to remain so.
It first happened to me when I was meeting with a group of crossdressesers at a straight pub many moons ago. I had arrived earlier than planned and was standing at the bar to get a drink while looking to see if any of the group had arrived. A chap sitting nearby asked if I was lost and started to chat to me. I kept calm and batted his questions away politely as it became clear he was chatting me up so said I was meeting friends. In that moment a few drifted in and gathered. I got my drink and told the gentleman that my friends had arrived. The look on his face was priceless as I wandered to the group and the penny drop. We had a lovely evening without any incident at all.
I have had a couple of incidents like this and none felt threatening. Do they know or not isn't really the issue so long as you remain calm and polite. Your chap may well have seen a woman as tastes vary and if nothing untoward happened just take it in your stride as this happens to women if alone.
It's happened to me a few times and I just take it as a compliment. I usually just smile and say "Thank you but I'm not interested" or sometimes I point to the rings on my left hand (my wedding band along with a ladies fake diamond engagement ring) and say that I'm married and not interested.
You are married, Cerys, so you had an easy out. Even if you weren't married, you could still make up any excuse that fits.
I think that what upsets you the most is being caught off-guard. Practice some come-back lines for the next time that you get complimented in this way.
Cerys, you had a girl experience. Women get hit on by men all the time. This will not be the last time a man will want to take the temperature of the room with you. The first time is unsettling, but now that you know this may happen again, you will be more prepared -- and possibly flattered.
Although I have no ulterior motive, I always flatter anyone I see that is even partially crossdressed in a public space. If I am with my girlfriend, she echoes my compliments. I feel like I am empowering the crossdressers by chatting with them. But no, we never ask to meet them again for coffee.
If it was someone who interested me, I may have gone for it. Otherwise, I'd just tell them thanks, but I am in a relationship with someone. Truthfully, you should be prepared for it to happen more. Don't let it deter you from authentically expressing yourself though. You deserve to be you!
Agreed Cece, and your response reminded me of a situation i was in about two months ago. I was having a really rough day at work, and my wife suggested I take a break and meet her for lunch. So we met at a PF Chang’s kind of close by. While there I saw a CD walk in and sit at the bar. She looked good, and was mostly passable, but obviously I have a heightened awareness of this kind of thing. She wasn’t in my wife’s line of vision, but when we were leaving I walked by and confirmed in my head and my wife said to me “omg was she was I thought she was”. I answered “yup”. It occurred to me after I left that I should have given her a compliment; just a quick, specific nice thing to say probably would have made her day. I know it does mine. If that happens to me again I won’t make the same mistake
