I wish I could talk to my wife

Hey Samantha,

i was in a similar situation a little while ago, my wife and I had split up but we have 2 kids together so there was still regular contact between us. I had some pics of myself on my phone and somehow through all the settings it had automatically uploaded them to her computer. Naturally she saw them and there was a lot of anger there! I managed to persuade her to sit and talk about it and she gave me the chance to explain etc. Her view at that time was that she just didn’t want to know, it was a case of you do your thing, I do my thing and we only discuss kids and finances. I wasn’t overly impressed but felt I’d got off lightly so to speak.

I don’t know what changed but a couple of weeks after that initial chat, I was round for the kids and just put them to bed when she just casually asked how I was getting on with dressing. I was a bit shocked but told her where I was at and  asked a little advice on bits and pieces. Over time she has been more receptive and helpful on the subject and we have reached a point where I can ask her advice or talk about it and we can have a good conversation about it all, plus she will surprise me by bringing the subject up. It probably helps on that front that we are not together, may have been different if still a couple, who knows?

Maybe just patience will win the day for you? I would say just don’t push too hard on it, maybe ask a little advice on a minor aspect? You know, would this style of top/skirt suit me? How to avoid  razor burn if shaving legs is a thing? Just test the water and see if you can get her to slowly open up a little? In time you could get her to set some ground rules to keep it on her terms almost?

I hope it does work out for both, she will more than likely be feeling rather put out and insecure with it all and may be avoiding it all because of that?

best of luck and hopefully it can be resolved where you can both be happy

Rach

xx

Samantha I wish you well on this. The hardest part I have found is being totally honest with your SO, not because of a lack of character, but from fear. My wife knows full well of my dressing and that I go out when I am on the road. She has set limits that are her comfort level and I TRY to follow them. I hope for both of you that you are able to have discussions that are positive and move your relationship forward, but caution you to not push the issue “down her throat.”  Having been there done that you will find it may take time, or never happen, for her comfort level to reach open “girl” conversations regularly. Hang in, be patient, honest and open. Again, good luck to you both.

🍷C

So sorry you have to go through this. I don't have any sage advice - my wife and I divorced (for reasons unrelated to my dressing). But like yours, she refused to talk about it and I know how difficult and alone that can make you feel. It's ironic that our wives are supposed to be our best friends and often complain that we don't open up to them, but then when we put ourselves out there and try and share our deepest thoughts and desires, we get shut down.

I hope things work out for you.

Hugs, Elise

Hi Samantha.  Girl, I feel sorry for your situation. It seems that most females grow up in a household were in there is a strong man/woman relationship and the daughter expects that life will be the same for her. When married and a situation like cross dress occurs........well...she is shocked and immediatley assumes you are gay and with go all the way with being a female....not what she expected. They immediatley think you were holding back on her and then you will leave her. Most females do not like surprises from their status quo and start letting all sorts of negative ideas run thru their minds. This is very tough to overcome. May I suggest a marriage concillor before this gets out of hand??? She no doubt dresses in pants and sweatshirts so why can't you dress up how you want?  If you want, contact me......I can perhaps give you a better idea of the psychology behind all of this.

Again....I repeat...everyone knows they have this "leaning"....why can't they be honest before they get married and avoid a lot of problems in later life? I am guilty of this too.....perhaps will all the sex education going on in school...the next generation won't have to go thru this.

Again Samantha....if you wish to chat about this...use the private conversation icon or I can send you my private secure e-mail site for confidentiality. My door is always open sweetie.

Dame Veronica

Hey Samantha, my heart breaks for you (and all of the women here in similar situations - myself included) I have imagined having 'the talk' with my wife so many times that I sometimes feel like we have already had it - no such luck, it is still my secret - one that I don't want to keep. I, too, would love to be able to talk to my best friend and share this part of me - and, unbeknownst to her, us. There are times when I think she would be completely understanding and have a "wear what you want" attitude - but (Gemini that she is) fear/know that there would be times of resentment.
I think the whole telling issue is hard for us girls because we are discovering and growing into this new understanding of ourselves and we are, frankly, excited. And when you are excited, you want to talk about it - but our SOs are going to need some time to figure out where/if they belong in our journey. I know how long it has taken me to figure out all this embracing of my femme side (as much as I have...) and so i think that patience is how we have to deal with our relationships.
know that you have friends here at CDH if you want to chat,

- Julie.

My wife knows almost 40 yrs. She will never accept Terri. Most wives i think are like that.

I too am in a very similar situation to those above  but with a bit of a different "double twist".

I was married to someone for nearly three decades who knew about Caty but hated it all with a passion. Luckily my job involved a lot of business travel, (google "Tales of a Travelling Tranny" for details) so that's when Caty would appear.

For the last 18 years I've been with a wonderful partner who found out the hard way when I left some jewellery laying around. Therefore she knows but definitely disapproves. Being retired and moving from the country to the city has further restricted my Caty time which I find quite frustrating. She used to do regular city trips for baby sitting, but now the grandkids come here...

What's even worse is like many of us, I hate the lying and scheming that goes into achieving time to be "the other me".

But the alternative is to be up front and cop the "silent treatment" that follows.

So its "sneaky time" for underdressing under my male pj's at night, (we have slept in separate rooms for years) and coming up with reasons why I should have "overnights" away from home.

I'd love the chance to talk "all things feminine" with her, lingerie make up etc, but that's just not gunna happen....

I also agree with those that have posted about us "oldies" and how our generation was bought up to being use to the "Strong man about the house" ie our fathers. So the daughters of those dfamily who end up with "us" are I suppose rightly frightened and confused about it all.

And yes, if she can wear jeans and a T shirt, why cant I wear a dress??

Yours in dressing

Caty Ryan

Hi Samantha, it's Scarlett and I'm brand new here! I had almost the identical experience with my wife as well. She's now finally to the stage of acceptance whereby I can now store all of Scarlett's things - dresses, tops, skirts, panties, heels, boots, booties, makeup, etc.

She still doesn't want to discuss the subject of cross dressing with me but allows me to do it in the privacy of our new dream home we purchased back in November of 2017. It's a gorgeous 3,000 square foot custom home that's out of this world. It's got lots of closet and storage space and I politely asked her right before we moved in if it was OK with her if I moved all of Scarlett's things into our new home instead of having to keep them stored in a temperature controlled storage unit. She agreed and my main limitation is that I can only dress up when she's not around the house which is just fine with me. Samantha, I would actually feel really awkward being around my gorgeous redheaded wife while dressed as Scarlett.

I, like you, would love to have a few long conversations about why I enjoy the cross dressing process and the girls who have seen my photos on line give me lots of compliments in regards to my presentation. You really can't tell I'm a guy dressed up as a girl when I get my girl on as Scarlett.

That's it for tonight. This is my first post and I have a lot to learn on how to navigate this site. I posted three photos tonight but I guess they have to wait a certain time for moderation. Take care and talk with you soon....Scarlett

My situation is very similar to the other ladies. I have accepted that my wife will never agree to see me as Terri. Years ago she found a very nice professional pic of me in the car. All she said that was she didnt like it. I get out as Terri 1 or 2x a month. I have gone to Keystone 6x. I go out in public, get my hair, nails done etc. It gets harder as I get older. I want to be Terri more. My children dont know. My keyword is Balance. Just remember your not alone.

We talk about it but Taylor can never come out in her presence, granted I am only a year and a half to her meeting the true me.

The key in any relationship is communication.  Period

If she does not bring it up then you need to find the right time to bring it up.

disclaimer: no drinking involved!!!!

Not sure how long you have been dressing or how long you have been married, but let her know that you still love her.

I have been married for 14 years (with her for 21yr) and have been dressing since I was 7ish.. And have two kids

i did not marry her because I thought she would be cool with, I married her because I loved her.

Express what you feel both with yourself and her

Hi,

I'm right there with you.  I've done the same numerous times, taking advantage of items my wife is donating.  I'm happy to take them to the donation drop off, go through the things I want first then give the rest.

My wife knows I've dressed in the past, and never accepted it.  Doesn't like to talk about it.  Recently however the urge to dress has been so strong.  I've taken to buying womens jeans.  I can easily wear those in public and I'm not certain my wife notices.  What she doesn't see are the panties and cammies I wear underneath.  Luckily she sleeps later, so on weekends I get up early, get my things and run into the bathroom, shower quickly and get dressed.  A couple of times she came close to catching me, but it's difficult and I know would be for her if she found out. I may look up counseling soon, to have someone to talk to and get some ideas on what to do.  I have grown kids as well, and not sure how they would react.  Although I think my oldest daughter as seen me in (obvious) womens jeans.  She doesnt seem phased either way.  I also love to shave, everywhere!  I was pretty smooth all over for a while, then my wife called me out on that.  That was tough, felt pretty bad.  Struggling with that too.  Please stay in touch, I'll help out where I can.  Hang in there girl!

There's no getting around it. A wife will react to her husband's cross-dressing in one of three ways. 1: She's understanding, accept and participant (usually with rules). 2: She accept but doesn't want to participant. 3: She won't accept at all. We have to consider ourselves fortunate if our wives goes with number 1. I was lucky that my X wife was number 1. Not so lucky when she decide to get rid of me for another reason. If a wife goes with number 2, well, you have to consider yourself lucky that she's not throwing you out and be hopeful she'll eventually be more understanding. If a wife goes with number 3...I guess you know what happens then. Either way, there will be a lot of emotional time and adjusting. There's also the possibility a wife's feelings will change and switch in the standing, hopefully for the better and not the worse,

Well this afternoon was a bit interesting.

After doing a bit of work around the house today I cleaned up and decided I was going to wear a pair of capri length (womens) jeans I had recently bought.  No two ways about it.

I did and am wearing them.  My wife was busy doing her thing and did not notice at first or if she did, didn't say anything.

She had to run a couple of errands and asked if I wanted to come along.  I went along (and had her drive) and when I got in the car she said/asked "oh, are you wearing short jeans?"  Yes, I answered.  She asked if I had been wearing them earlier.  I said I had not, but had cleaned up and put them on.  Saying I had recently bought them but had not worn them till today.  She didn't say nothing more, but we went to a local store where we usually run into someone we know.  We did not this time, but I certainly got a few looks.  There were men and women looking, many men wearing the standard shorts, but not me!  I was happy in my capris.  I'm sure a few people knew.  They are womens jeans, and fit differently, albeit good!

Part of my hybrid dressing in public adventures!

Still waiting to see if my wife says anything more.

Edie, very well summed up in short order! My situation used to be number 3 with this sexy redhead of mine. She had no idea her handsome husband liked to dress up as a cute and sexy girl who went by the name Scarlett.

She's now at number 2 and getting close to number 1! She has purchased me two sexy tops and a three pack of Ellen Tracy panties in the last month or so! I'm very lucky!

Thanks for such a super reply to my article!

XOXOX Scarlett