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Something happened tonight that I have never come across before, but let me start at the beginning.
This evening, my wife and I went to see the stage show, Kinky Boots, a real-life story about a shoe manufacturer in Northampton (UK) and how, with the upsurge in cheap foreign imports, the company had to diversify; so they started making boots for drag queens and cross-dressers.
It should be noted at this point that I was dressed as Becca for the show. It should also be noted that in light of recent events in the UK, I had previously decided to ask the theatre for clarification as to where the 'accessible' toilets were located, you know, just in case.
The first half of the show went very well—in fact the whole of the show went very well, but it's the interval which draws my attention.
Before we went in, we used the ladies toilets without problems as they were quiet. We went into the auditorium where we exchanged pleasantries with some theatre-going ladies without any remarks about me or any strange looks either—they were all quite accepting.
Come the interval, I decided to let the queues for the ladies toilets die down, as I'm a bit wary these days, and my wife went ahead of me while I had a drink of water. I eventually made my way to the toilets we had used earlier but now there was a little bit of a queue. I was about to join the back of the queue when I heard someone inside (they hadn't seen me) mention the word 'trans'. I thought 'oh, oh' and left the area, finding an 'accessible' toilet a little way away.
When I got back to my seat, my wife was already there and it turns out that she was in said toilets at the same time the word 'trans' was used in a derogatory fashion (it turns out). My wife told them that it was conversations like that which made the 'situation' worse. She can't remember much of the exchange because it caught her by surprise.
In any other place or seeing any other show, I might have expected that somewhere, there would be people with a poor view of trans folk, but if you know anything about the Kinky Boots stage show, you will know that at least half the cast play the parts of drag queens or cross-dressers. With their poor attitude to 'alternative' genders, one wonders why they went to see a play about this subject in the first place.
It didn't bother me, as they say 'haters gonna hate', it just surprised me that such a gentile place as a theatre should attract such bigots.
Anyway, if you never been to see a musical stage show, you won't go far wrong if you go and see Kinky Boots; such a fun and enlightening event.
Also, you couldn't miss the massive Pride flag they unveiled at the end of the finale!!
I shall continue to visit the theatre en femme as previous visits have always been uneventful, but there are bound to be bad apples in a show-going barrel that large, just this time, I came across them: next time, I probably won't.
Ah, the fun never stops.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter That's quite an adventure! I wonder if they'll show it on this side of the puddle.
Kind of a shame you ran into a spot of trouble. Seriously, if you can't deal with trans/CD issues, then why go on the first place? Nobody's forcing anyone to go.
I'll do a search and see if I can find it here. With my looks and Brother's build, nobody will want to mess with me.
R
@rebeccabaxter I saw Kinky Boots on Broadway a few years ago, it was actually an interesting day. Oh, and I was wearing 4" heeled boots that day!
I went with my adult daughter that day. She had an art project to do uptown in Manhattan. So we took the bus in to New York (you don't want to drive in the city!) and took the subway up to the museum. We still had to walk to the museum. By the time we got there, my feet were already hurting. I did more sitting than walking, but she got her stuff done.
On the way back down, she got a text from a friend who said she was going to a show with her mother, and would we like to join them for dinner (ok, it was at Burger King and not one of the many more formal restaurants in the area). So we took a city bus south and then walked the two long blocks to the bus station to meet them. There were no seats, but eventually my feet made me sit on the floor while waiting.
We met them for dinner, then walked the few short blocks to the theater (her friend and her mom went to see a different show). We had no problems with the show, and at the end they were collecting for a cause, so giving a donation, we even got a selfie with one of the en-femme male actors.
On the way home, I asked my daughter if her mom knew. Apparently she knew I was a crossdresser, but didn't realize i was the father!
When we got back to the bus station, there was still a long walk (including up and over a bridge over the highway) back to the car. The next day my feet were still hurting, but it was well worth it to me to see Kinky Boots in the kinkiest boots I owned.
During the COVID lockdowns, several movies based on Broadway plays were shown on youtube during the weekends, including Kinky Boots. I used a downloader to capture it on my computer.
BTW, I read that the story is based on true events, but can't be taken at face value. For example, the main character was a composition of several people.
I'm sorry you had a bad experience with a few of the other attendees. You're right in thinking that if they are attending such a show they would already be more accepting.
I asked my daughter if her mom knew.
for clarification, you asked your daughter if her friend's mom knew? Otherwise I have questions 😉
@rebeccabaxter "With their poor attitude to 'alternative' genders, one wonders why they went to see a play about this subject in the first place."
Good lord, ain't that the truth! Glad you had a fun time, regardless.
@rebeccabaxter I’m not sure what compels some people to be rude about something such as crossdressing and drag, but I have a theory that those that complain the loudest are just frustrated by their own sexual identity and wish they could be themselves. Just a theory, but no basis in fact.
@jennconn As we can see from the millions of posts on Facebook and other platforms, once an idea gets picked up by the great un-washed, it goes through the gullible population like a plague, a contagion; it is no coincidence that the word 'viral' is used for these things (of course I mix my micro-organisms here 😀 ).
These people are not free-thinkers but mere sheep, following the one in front without knowing, or caring, where they are going. The bigots are to be pitied, but they do not see it that way. It is a sad thing, to go through life blinkered, unaware of the possibilities that this one world can bring. So many want power over another at any cost, but some, we few here, just want to live our lives in peace. We do no harm and yet we are seen, to some, as a danger to society; people perhaps to be feared when we are merely misunderstood--deliberately or otherwise--by the bigoted. As the saying goes: "There are none so blind as those who will not see."
There is nothing to be done apart from to make of this life what you can, despite the obstacles: something I intend to you with what few years are left to me. I am not going to cower in the dark while these people roam free. Bollocks to them and their bias.
Keep well,
Becca
xxx
Transphobes at 'Kinky Boots'? Pride flag? What were they expecting? Go figure.
I went to 'Fawlty Towers' at The Apollo in London a few months ago with a couple of girlfriends. We looked good. Nice outfits. Maybe a little more put together than most of the cishet women in attendance. We got a few sideward glances and heard one derogatory comment. Whatever.
On a more positive note, nobody made a fuss about us being there or using the Ladies. And the show was a hoot!
I can only speak for myself. I believe being seen is the best counter to misinformed opinions. My transness is a badge of honor. A smile goes a long way. On occasion, a skeptic will ask a few questions. The responses I give often surprise them. Building bridges.
Liz xx
@lizk We build bridges and the killjoys try to tear them down.
I wonder what drives them? It is a good philosophical question since it is not something that directly affects other people. Cross-dressers are not generally aggressive, we don't smell funny, we don't damage their cars or break into their houses, in fact we do absolutely nothing to these people. We don't steal their money or kick their dogs. They have no reason to dislike us except that we are different. But if we weren't there, their little lives would be unchanged, our effect on them would be nil.
And yet the bigots still persist in their dislike of us.
I doubt we are the only targets of their ire. I don't suppose they like gays, one political party or another, the colour green, people with bigger cars. Some people just don't like things, only they know why.
As I've said, I will continue to go out, they'll have to do a lot better than a couple of catty remarks in a toilet I wasn't even in.
I might add however, that we interacted with two other ladies at different times. One of them we met in the bar and she was lovely, talking about holiday cruises and plays and things. She looked me in the eye when speaking and showed no surprise whatsoever.
The other lady was one I was sitting next to. At the interval, she had to stand to let me out and when I asked if she wanted to go first, she replied that she wouldn't need to go. I told her jokingly that I had an empty cup in front of my seat if she suddenly had the need; she laughed with genuine amusement.
It is these last two interactions that need to be remembered with fondness, the others can go 'amuse' themselves.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Honestly, some people! But thanks for a good lead for a theatre trip 🙂
I have to say I haven't noticed any change in attitude of those I encounter as yet. On the contrary, I've been chatting away freely with a few people. Although I am wondering whether to risk the Ladies at the motorway services tomorrow. Of course my other half will disapprove even more of me using them, than she did before last week 🙄
@finallyfiona If I can't find an alternative, then I'm going to use the ladies. I'm certainly not going to wander into the gents toilets in full Becca-mode. I'd be more frightened of John, the Millwall supporter from Essex with his drunken mates than I would be of Alice, the Stepford wife from Berkshire.
Perhaps it will all blow over, the EHRC will clarify the judgement and we can all go back to living our lives; because as we know, things always get better when someone officially writes something down—dangerous dogs act, banning of handguns for sport, wearing hoodies, raves; I could go on.
Further to the theatre trips, if you ever get the chance to see the musical Aladdin, go for it; we've seen a few musicals and that's the best by far.
@rebeccabaxter Hi Becca, I rather like using the ladies when I'm en femme. I've done it a fair amount without any trouble. Using the men's when en femme scares the beegeezus out of me, or would if I did it. I laughed about the writing things down on paper item, yes they always get better when a new law is passed. Lol and double lol.
@rebeccabaxter “The Rocky Horror Show” in the spring of 2026 at Studio 54, Hope to go, Halloween time there are several productions of Rocky Horror. and off Broadway. I enjoyed RH in Knoxville TN in spring of 2024
@lyndajones Never seen it. Well, I've see the film (I always had a thing for Susan Sarandon) but not the stage show. I believe the audience do things at the right times during the show with rice or Mars bars or something; I wouldn't know where to start. Mind you, I'm quite a passive theatre goer, I go to be entertained, not be in the show.
While we like musicals, I personally prefer opera, although my wife would rather see a ballet. So long as the music is good, I'm happy all ways.
Having said that, we have tickets to see To Kill a Mockingbird next year, so that's quite a serious play with no music at all 😎
Becca
Went to Millions Dollar Quartet last night, 1950 Rock was good, I prefer later rock and roll.
@rebeccabaxter Hi Becca, the concern about going out and about en femme is logical and sensible. As we are still a little controversial (even rather misunderstood) a few narrow minded folk will perhaps say something nasty which is pretty easy to counter with say a warm handshake (then you cold cock 'em - just kidding). Before I started going public en femme in our city I did worry about what could happen, it's only sensible to do that. But after a couple of years experience I have nothing negative to report really. Not saying it couldn't happen but I think these days chances are pretty low as long as you stick to public areas that have enough human traffic.
Oh Becca, I have always admired your attitude, and now I also admire your wife's. I mean it's quite ridiculous that somebody going to see that particular show would air their bigotry out loud. Good for you for shrugging it all off.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
Hi Becca, My wife and I saw Kinky Boots when it first came out a few years ago on Broadway and it was fantastic! That being said, I was aware of a couple with an older woman seated not too far from us. We exchanged some pleasantries and said that we were really looking forward to seeing this great show. When the show was over and we were leaving we mentioned again to the couple that we really enjoyed it but the older woman then just started really yelling that it was the most awful show with gay and trans people and drag queens and it was totally disgusting. We along with other people just walked away from her and thought maybe she is the one that's disgusting. Currently it seems like you have to throw a big fit to show that you are really against anything LGBTIQ+ related. You just kind of drop your verbal bomb and then watch everybody scramble. I am very careful in bathrooms now since this yelling a slur and letting everyone pick up the pieces has become a favored tactic of some groups that feel empowered. Sorry that this happened to you but glad that you got to see Kinky Boots. My wife and I would love to see it again. Marg
@margprodue I was fortunate that it was not me that went into that toilet first, but my wife. I heard the comment from outside and moved away so no harm done. I wonder what would have happened if I'd just gone in without hearing that comment first.
It is unfortunate that in the light of 'certain legal events' this is going to embolden people to bring out their nasty selves. TBH, it is quite difficult at the moment not to feel a little sordid and grubby; it's like cross-dressers and trans-gender folk are the new social pariahs and I'm starting to realise how gay men must have felt over the decades.
It's not going to stop me though, I shall still go out as Becca, but I will now have to take extra care over toilet facilities. I used to just make sure there were no gangs of young girls or women with children in there, but now it seems I have to be a little more discriminating as to a possible social attitude to cross-dressers--a rather more difficult task.
Becca
You are so right Becca. There seems to be sort of a false righteous sport to the whole thing lately. Like "Oooh look, I caught one!" Or "I double checked it folks there's none of them in here...I scared them off". Politics have amplified the whole thing. I remember back in time about being in the South in the 50's and seeing signs of segregation at toilets. Today the whole thing is a nightmare for lots of people and especially intersex folks. I will sometimes explain to folks if necessary but really just want to use the loo and get on with my day. I generally keep a hoodie around me so I can just put it on over my head to look goth and use whatever I want. If I'm challenged (usually at the men's room I play my "what's your problem, you got something against veterans or small old people" card loudly and then folks usually just leave me alone. I never have a problem in the women's loo, but like you, I am still very careful and cautious. I'm out and open every day as a proud intersex person but I do not want to be the poster person for folks with evil intents. It seems that if you are a little bit different then you are a target. At Kinky Boots I was dressed more androgynous since I had other things to take care of that day and didn't want to be slowed down by heels and a dress. I did have my long pony tail but hey, it's New York and it's Kinky Boots. That day I used the men's room since the woman's room had a line into the hallway. That's just been my life for years. Thanks for a really good and informative post. I loved hearing about Kinky Boots and my wife and I so want to see it again. Hugs, Marg
I saw it at the cinema and its popularity remains. It has to be said that in our English culture Drag has always been acceptable and women would always admire how much like women the performers looked. However as we know there is a different attitude to crossdressers and trans and that has not been an issue and in fact I think most of us have found many more positives when out than negatives, but with the latest developments it could embolden the bigots. and we are more wary.
I hope my next piece will expand and clarify how it stands at the moment, and is based on viewing information and is how I see it.
Yes I too am worried about the current situation but have written to my M.P and had an interesting reply which gives an extended review of the findings. There are various bits of legislation that confuse the meaning of a woman. In effect it was an obvious remedy in law to pull it all together, unfortunately it applied to the EHRC regulations.
There was a final comment by a spokesperson, 'There are no winners' What it didn't do was dismantle the EHRC guidance which is about discrimination and protection which, according to the M.P stands. It also didn't take away the G.R.C. that trans may have, that also stands. It's the interpretations and expectations of some quarters that ignore the facts and the silo mentality opposition believe that we should be discriminated, marginalised and banned from ever trying to use a womens space.
The act is about 'Reasonable', a trans person who looks and and physical attributes of a woman will not be placed in a male ward and would have access to womens areas within reason but whatever will have to be treated fairly and appropriately. You won't, as has been the case leading to this debacle self define and expect instant access to a womens space.
The whole of the system needs to be reviewed with regard to the protections already in place, not to drastically change them. There is a wider issue but that doesn't refer to trans.
That is how it stands at the moment and if adhered to with a few tweaks to consolidate what Trans is then we should be just fine and life will move onto the next crusade.
Effectively no one 'wins' as things need reviewing and each side may have to concede ground but the fundamentals will remain.
So far for me there have been no negative reactions and all is well.
Common sense has to prevail and I will keep calm and carry on...and I urge you to do so, be out and proud.
@ab123 Its a strange thing equality, some people are more equal than others... 🤔
Well, looks like I missed the boat. It turns out that the show has been around for a while, but I missed the last show listed in Boston, MA. It was a weeknight anyway, and I didn't want to show up without a pair of boots in any case. Cool boots if not kinky.
So I'll either have to wait until the show co.es around to my area again look for a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
R
