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I went to the liquor store this evening for wine and beer and got stared at.
Lately, I've taken to wearing almost exclusively woman clothes after work. I've just come off from a longish shame bought and am feeling like I want to just try and be strong and see where I'm going with this. Anyway, so I went to the store but put my hoodie on thinking no one would see my bra. I was wrong. I waited in line and a second cashier comes. He is in his mid 50's and as he passed by he looks at my boobs and says, "I'll get you on line 'one'." He didn't look at my eyes at all. Okay now I figured I blended in. I mean I still have a pretty big beard and a big hoodie, but I guess not.
My next thought was to be ashamed and slouch my shoulders trying to hide myself. I stopped myself and stood up pushing them out a little more. I went to the front...paid...wished him a nice evening and walked out.
I feel a mix of things at this. I feel embarrassed at being caught, I feel stronger because I didn't hide when it was my instinct, I feel sort of mixed up in between. I guess the only positive I can grasp from this is to be true to my own path; although, sometimes embarrassing, or wonderful, or even hurtful its still my path.
Maybe that's what the rainbows are for.
Anyway, I guess that's just my experience tonight.
Jess
PS The wine is great!
Congratulations....your a woman now........boobs are what it is all about girl. Congrats on being brave and going out. It gets easier as time goes by. Keep the faith, girl.
Lady Veronica
Jessica, I am Ashamed, because I feel that your a braver Girl than me. I am going out more with my bra on and some times I will wear my breast inserts. I still feel apprehensive, so you are farther along than me.
Michele-
There's no need for shame. We are all on our own paths. Like I said in my post. I was wearing a hoodie and I have a beard. I was really surprised that anyone noticed at all, but when they did I tried not to hide away.
Jess
Jessica,
I am with Michele. Never be ashamed of who you are. Our journeys are our own. Though there will be similarities, each is unique and takes its own path in its own time. These forums exist to allow us to share and encourage; they are not here to pressure anyone or make anyone feel less.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Jessica,
Welcome to the club! I find myself in a similar situation. I also sport a beard. (Mine is a goatee that my wife adores, and hates whenever I shave it off.) But I have not allowed that to stop me from being who I am. I wear the clothes that are most comfortable and fit who I am on a daily basis. As I usually have my goatee and rarely wear make up, I am outwardly presenting as masculine regardless of how I am dressed. Few have ever commented to me in the negative, and I regularly interact in public. And those who have, I ignore. At the same time, I have received many positive comments including several about having the courage to be me. I have also had a few women compliment my choice of footwear which is often the only wardrobe choice that stands out as feminine. Stay true to who you are, and enjoy the journey.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Hi Jessica,
It's strange reading your post, right at this moment I am sat in a pub I rarely frequent, with a hoodie and jeans on, under I am wearing a bra, panty hose, pantys and black bodycon type dress. It's the first time I have been so daring, and would die if anyone made me. But I love it, I don't think I could ever be open about it but I love it. I'm not a confident person by any means, but this is what I do and it feels so good.
Living with shame is so difficult, so much of it is rooted in upbringing, I do sometimes feel it, but try remind myself how destructive it can be and I have had enough of it, so sod them, it's my life.
Krisy
Xx