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I love Waitrose. I do a lot of cooking and buy all my ingredients there. In fact I spend so much time in Waitrose that it feels like a second home.
So today when I decided to live a normal day as Ariane, it was natural to visit my favourite supermarket. I drove about 10 miles to the Haslemere Waitrose, as I don't know anyone in Haslemere. I also walked through the town and did some shopping in Boots.
As it happens I couldn't get everything I wanted in Haslemere, so I drove back to my home town of Godalming and went into the Godalming Waitrose to finish the shopping. This was a bit more challenging, but not much. I mean normally I never meet anyone I know in the shop, so why should today be any different? And it wasn't. After that I walked through the town for a bit, something else that Ariane has never done before.
After lunch I wanted more of the same, so I drove to the neighbouring small town of Farncombe and walked round the local park and through the town. Then I called on my friends Penny and Paul for a coffee and a chat before returning home.
How does all this feel? Increasingly natural. I feel so much more confident now. Today it helped that I was dressed sensibly. But my makeup is now good enough too. No one said anything out of turn to me today, and no one even gave me a second look. So I must pass reasonably well as a woman. In fact I don't think anyone would recognise me apart from family and close friends. I have defeated the facial recognition software on my phone, which keeps prompting me for a passcode.
It all becomes so natural doesn't it as the fears of being seen was always there. As time went on there were moments when I passed someone and even stood near another and nothing happened, they weren't looking for me were they. It was always the way for me to go to another town but as the comfort levels climbed I now shop locally and even walk to the local shops. You obviously blend in well and if your phone doesn't recognise you who will?
It's such a lovely sensation when it starts to feel natural, isn't it?
Chantel McGregor is my current favourite artiste. She comes from Yorkshire, she has a big voice, and she plays a mean guitar. She sings about relationships and heartbreak, and because she's a guitarist as well as a vocalist, many of her songs morph into long instrumentals.
I have travelled across the world to watch Chantel perform. Well, London and Surrey anyway. Last night she was due to perform at The Musician venue in Leicester. I thought it was time that Ariane caught up with Chantel. So I took the train 100 miles north, booked into somewhere central, and got myself ready.
I've been looking inconspicuous for a while, but night time is the right time, so last night Ariane was wearing a black mini-dress, a black leather fitted jacket, and ankle boots with 4" heels. I looked in the mirror before I went out, and for the first time I thought, You look gorgeous, I wish I was going out with you.
The venue was crowded, but I found a place near the stage, and had a nice conversation with a Leicester girl called Julie before the set began. Then Chantel went through her set. Most of the songs featured on her best album, Bury'd Alive, recorded live in Bury St Edmunds in 2019. The word is she's writing a new studio album, but we didn't hear much from that last night.
No one took much notice of me, which is good in a way, because it shows that Ariane is convincing, but even so I went there feeling a bit like a tease, so it was slightly disappointing that no one tried to chat me up.
After the show I thought, The night is yet young, let's see what else Leicester has to offer. So I walked through the centre to the Dover Castle. This bar claims to be the UK's oldest LGBT venue. Friday night is cabaret, so I settled down with my drink for a performance by the drag artist Missie Jay. Drag is not really my scene, but she was outrageous, and the audience were loving it. Again no one stared at me or made out I was weird. So that was fun. I left around midnight and walked back to my overnight stay.
All this going out is changing Ariane as a person. I used to look on places like Manchester's Canal Street as a safe haven, somewhere I could go where everyone was like me. Or at least, alternative in an absolutely fine kind of way. I still like that and I always will. But Ariane now wants to do normal stuff in normal situations, just like in boy mode, only as Ariane. Something like my local Waitrose, or the Etihad Stadium. I'm going back to watch City at the end of November and I'm seriously thinking of taking Ariane to her first match.
Hi Ariane
I plan to get my first professional makeover in Leicester in the New Year with Tracey at Femme Side Studio) so this was an interesting post for me 🙂
I hadn't heard of Chantel McGregor, but I'll check her out.
Thanks for sharing your adventures!
Hugs
Ellie x
Ellie
I did think of going to see Tracey when I was in Leicester, but it wasn't practical. It's funny, I used to live in the village of Syston, where she's based. When I was 2 years old I fell into a brook and nearly drowned. The council then fenced it off! Good luck with the makeover. Make sure you have some photos taken – these are the most abiding memory.
Chantel is a rock singer. She's been compared to Joe Bonamassa (female version of course).
A x
Ariane has the day to herself. I had arranged to meet a friend for lunch in Horsham, but these are storm conditions and we decided to wait until next week. So instead I went for a walk round my local town. I was out for about 30 minutes. It felt completely natural. I didn’t see anyone I know, and no one gave me a second look. So I must have passed well enough.
It was important for me to go out locally. The fear of being recognised or challenged becomes less and less each time. This is a step on the way to bigger things. In better conditions I’m planning to take the train to London and go to lunchtime concert and have a light meal somewhere. I don’t mind if anyone works out that I’m not a cis woman. This is who I am.
Congratulations on the extent to which you are living authentically girl! I hope it gets better and better for you!
Today Ariane drove to Horsham, 20 miles southeast, to meet Angela. She is now separated and on her own at home so is able to dress more or less full-time.
Angela knows Horsham better than me so she led us into a shopping precinct where we stopped for lunch and a chat. That was fine for both of us. Either people didn't realise who we are, or didn't take any notice, or if they did realise, they just smiled and treated us like we were normal. Which we are.
We had a nice conversation about our situations and way of life. Then I headed off to the bathroom (remembering to walk into the Ladies side). After lunch we walked out through the centre of Horsham and Angela gave me a brief tourist guide. It's an interesting town and feels like a safe place to be.
It felt very natural and comfortable for me to be out as Ariane. It feels like I've made a breakthrough over the past month. Looking forward to the next adventure. Although I will have to compromise on the heels for my planned hill-walk as Ariane.
