Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
It was halfway through the 40 minutes it takes to cut my male hair at the hairdresser's. She's someone I've known in other social circles for years, and I've even asked out on a couple dates. She did not know about Lorie, but not sure if she does now.
I had done a good job on the makeup the night before for my Crossport support group for CDs. When I go to bed, I'm reluctant to clean it all off, I love seeing the eyes with that girly look. So I cleaned off the rest, tried to get the makeup out of my hair at the front of the ears, and figured I'd get it the next day before I went out. Guess what. I didn't.
As I was sitting there in front of the mirror, I could see the mascara and eyeliner and blue eyeshadow and eyebrows that were brown instead of gray and black. I realized that she had washed the makeup out of the hair near my ears.
She commented on my bright blue running shoes, so we talked about that, with the other hairdresser chiming in.
When I saw myself in the mirror, I could feel the fear and shame rise up in my chest, into my face. I knew it was unnecessary. I don't need to explain myself, or defend myself, or even concern myself with what someone thinks. Especially when we can be pretty sure that they're not thinking what we think they're thinking.
If I hadn't been on my CD journey for the last two years, this would have been a traumatic event, but instead, I went home, cleaned up the remaining smudged makeup, and went to play music with the guys. And I went to the studio in my purple girl pants over purple lace panties, and bright blue toenails inside my bright blue running shoes.
Maybe this is another baby step. The life coach in me says to observe myself, and decide what I want to use, and what I want to let go. I love that I didn't panic, and that my anxiety was a low-grade one. I want to let go of the guilt and shame, and be OKay with another person knwoing about Lorie. This is a natural progression, and as people around me know, the more free Lorie gets to be.
Life goes on.
Lorie,
From experience, everything will work out for the best. Though I know the guilt and shame is something with which many of us struggle, I also know that with time and experience, it will diminish. I wish thee the best.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Hi Lori........that is quite the story and I am thrilled to hear that you handled it well and came out OK! It is wonderful that you didn't suffer a major anxiety attack. You are well on your way girl. Oh what I would not give to be able to play an instrument and dance around on stage....you are lucky. I just love the band....the Donnas and the Country Sisters.....going bananas on guitars and dancing all over the stage. Best of luck and happiness......
Dame Veronica
Never quite had that experience, and it sounds like you handled it well. I guess we find out sometimes that people may notice the little things we think we've hidden, or wiped off, and they really don't care - or they just think it makes us more interesting.
For me, it was the day I forgot to clean off my lipstick from the experimenting with makeup I had done the night before. The waitress in the coffee shop noticed a lipstick stain on my coffee cup and replaced it, commenting that sometimes the cups didn't get as clean as they should. I wiped my mouth carefully with my napkin, and, sure enough, there was still lipstick there. I tend to wear subtle shades, and apparently it was too subtle for me to notice when I was washing my face that morning. She was either very subtle about pointing it out, or really didn't notice and just thought it was one of those things that happen in restaurants sometimes.
Either way, it was a little announcement to myself about who I really am, and that being that person is just fine.
Sometimes you just have to let life get in the way.
Millie
Lorie:
Sounds like you handled it gracefully. Kudos to you for keeping your cool and just rolling with it. Plus, when you're a musician, nobody thinks twice about you wearing makeup or even wearing women's clothing. Remember David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust?
I got caught once, right after I split up with my first wife. I had been up late dressing and went to pick up our kids early the next morning. Apparantly, I didn't get all my mascara off and she called me on it. She had no idea about my cross dressing and it wasn't the reason we split up, so I told her what I do in the privacy of my home at night is no longer any of her concern. She never mentioned it again.
And I agree with Veronica. So jealous of those with musical talent. I've tried repeatedly to learn to play the guitar, but my fingers just won't move to the right position. So frustrating!
Thank you, Dame Veronica,
I was really proud of staying calm as well. Even when the hairdresser said she wanted to take a picture of my haircut because she never remembers what she did from one cut to another (it takes me three months to get back to her). After I got home, I wondered if she was getting a photo to check out the makeup. Paranoid of me? or clever of her? The only way to know is to come out to her. Some day....
Oh, and Dame Veronica,
I play harmonica in a pickup blues jam of up to 6 of us, in a private studio, no dancing, lol. More cerebral, just inspiring each other using blues format to create vibrations to lift us. I call it a "contact high." I'm so grateful to be invited to play along with amazing talent.
Elise,
I'm with you on that guitar thing; why does the fingering change for different strings? What kind of system is that? Seems like its designed to be dysfunctional! I never got it to work, and was so relieved when I discovered that harmonicas are each tuned to a different key. Someone changes the key, I just change harmonicas. Problem solved. And I'm a kinesthetic person, so the breathing is perfect for me.
Thank you for your support.
Lorie
Wow Lorie , this does bring back memories , I had a lovely CD session one morning before work including full makeup , got in the car back in drag but forgot to remove the makeup . It was only lucky that I happened to notice my made up face in the rear view mirror on the way there . I pulled over somewhere safe and attacked my face with an old rag from the back of the car and a water bottle , luckily it all came off , will definatly stick to the water based stuff
Naomi d
Remember one time out driving en femme. Before returning to my hometown I covered up my outfit with male joggers and zip up fleece, and removed my wig and makeup. Reversing into my driveway I noticed in the rear view mirror I had missed something, had driven through my hometown with a pair of clip on pearl earrings still adorning my ears. Don’t know if anybody noticed !😂
So, had a great night dressing, got up for work, noticed I was running late. I was in the Army! I rush out the house, get to work for morning PT (physical training), get to work, my buddy says, whats up with your eyes? I look in the mirror, I have on mascara and eye liner. I say, damn girls. I have three little girls. So I say they must have done it as I was knocked out watching the games. So awkward.
You handled it well! When you make embarassing mistakes, you've got to put it behind you and keep moving forward. People respect you a great deal more when you embarass yourself and get over it quickly! I'm sure you're a great life coach!
While enroute home from my En Femme Weekend, I knew I needed to stop and pickup some groceries. And I didn't want to be seen by my neighbors in wig and make up arriving home, so I stopped along the way, removed my makeup, wig, and nail polish, and changed into a neutral t-shirt / top. I figured my skinny jeans & comfy shoes wouldn't stand out too much. I drove the last 30 miles to the grocery store and just as I went to get out of the car, I realized I had forgotten to remove my pads & bra. I'm not sure which would be worse in public.... eye makeup or fake boobs?!?! Just have to smile and laugh!
Emma
I guess inadvertently you've conquered a concern , hopefully in a day or 2 you'll look back & laugh.
My wife tells me that each time I come home from a makeover , my face much cleaner than usual - daily now I try to clean it better 😯 Tiff
Wow! This was a full year ago?! Time flies when you're having fun!
I eventually told the hair dresser my gender status. She claimed she didn't notice any makeup, but why would she ask to take a picture of me for the very first time ever??
Anyway, she's fine with it, we compare nail polish now, and we're talking about how I can let my hair grow out to flip back and forth between male and femme.
Hugs, Lorie