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Hi everyone this is mi first post. I wanted to know about your first time going to buy some clothes.
My first time I went to a mall and go to a store, the first things that I bought was a pack of panties, because it was the easiest thing that I can wear without being notice.
After that I take a little more courage and went to another store and bought a black sport skirt, a crop top and a black satin dress and a few bras.
When I bought it I have a mix of joy and fear, when I was walking on the store I felt watched and judge, and I don't know how hot deal with that feeling.
Like Chrissy , was reluctant at first, bought things in a store several times in drab. Always tried to pick the times and places with the least traffic. Usually knew what I was looking for when I went in. Now that I have been out as Lorraine different trips, would not bother me to go dressed. Remember to wear clothes that are easily removed to try on others. This means, no pull on tops, as it may mess up your wig. Don’t wear skirts with slips unless that’s all you might try on. Just plan ahead.
Hi Anna,
That’s quite a lot that you managed to do really. As Chrissie has said, a lot of people only shop online.
It’s natural to think that everyone is watching you when you set out to buy anything, but the more you do it, the more you’ll realise that most people are busy getting on with their own lives and concentrating on what they’re doing.
Hey Anna
I get it.
Until very recently I was TERRIFIED of buying women's clothes in person. Like you, I was convinced that I was being watched and judged by every female shopper in the store.
When I joined CDH I repeatedly read that this fear, though real and absolutely understandable, is in very large part completely unjustified.
'Try it', people said. 'Go into a shop and browse the women's section. No-one's watching you. No-one actually cares. And even if someone DOES take a momentary interest, who's to say you aren't simply shopping for your wife or girlfriend?'
So I manned/womanned up and went for it.
The first time I just flicked through the racks.
No-one cared
The second time I bought a cardigan.
No-one cared.
The third time, I bought a couple of dresses and a skirt.
The only reaction from the cashier was to ask if I wanted a bag 🙂
Now I've got to the point of telling sales assistants I'm trans and asking where I can try stuff on.
The first time I did that, to be fair, my heart was in my mouth ... but no-one cared.
It sounds like you already have no problem at all buying women's clothes, since you came back with quite a haul on your second attempt. Just remember that you aren't doing anything wrong ... and just DO it 🙂
Hugs
Ellie x
I can't say for sure this was my first time, but I know it's one of the first times. Nordstrom was having a sale and I'd been eyeing a few dresses on their website. It was a pretty uneventful affair as I remember. I went in, tried on the 3 dresses I was interested in, got a thumbs up from the sales gal on one of them....a Calvin Klein sequined LBD. I bought it and went home. Was I nervous? Absolutely. But I'm a bit of a risk taker and a firm believer in the 'fake it until you make it' method of overcoming fear. As is so often the case, nothing bad happened. Nobody cared. The sales gal was totally welcoming and enthusiastic. Nordstrom is very trans friendly BTW. The sequined LBD is one of my faves. I've worn it to a few events and gotten plenty of compliments.
/EA
@emilyalt One of my earliest in person shopping experiences was at a huge downtown Chicago Nordstroms that I visited because I had been told they were very accepting. I was the only person in the lingerie section looking through the beautiful nightgowns when I hear one of the two women who were working there and were sitting behind the cash register comment to the other that she hated it when men would come in there and paw through the racks. I was mortified and angry. She didn't even come over and offer to help. I rushed out of the store and was embarrassed and angry at the same time. That was many years ago and I am still mad at myself for not confronting her and going to see the store manager. I should have held her accountable for her bad behavior. Now the only shopping fear I have is running into someone I know which happened to me about a year ago when shopping for panties at Target and I ran into one of my daughter's friends. She had a horrified look on her face and has pretty much avoided me ever since but she didn't rat me out. By the way I have been to Nordstroms several times since without a problem.
That's awful that a sales associate would act like that. Goes to show bad apples can be found in even the most inclusive businesses. Fortunately they're a rarity at most large retailers.
Too bad about your daughters friend. Most younger folks are accepting. At least she didn't out you.
The worst I've experienced was a few stares from other customers. Barely worth mentioning IMO.
/EA
@anna2232 I am not at that stage yet, a wuss I guess but I prefer ot shop online at TEMU and SHEIN but I hope to tour mainly to the UK where Ihope to shop at Victorias Secret.maybe even getting a bra fittting there hmmm??
@anna2232 I hope you understand the courage it took to do what you did! You felt the fear and DID IT ANYWAY! That's just amazing. Pat yourself on the back, that was huge! Keep it going! You'll never have to do it for the first time ever again! Congratulations!
@anna2232 Welcome to CDH, Anna!
Going out in public can be so liberating, as you found out, but doing so can also add stress. With more practice, it will get easier.
The first things I bought was bath bomb salts & Venus shaving razors. Then I went panty shopping at Macy's 🙂
@anna2232 I started buying my own clothes at 13, in boy mode. I was never nervous. In fact I was excited about my new things.
At 17, I bought enough clothes to go out femme. At first I just drove around a lot and stopped in several paces to get out and walk around. I was nervous but excited about being seen. Then little by little, I got bolder and got closer to people, went in stores, walked around and browsed girl's clothes. Then one day I picked out several pairs of pantyhose and took the to a register. There was a line. I was very nervous and nearly turned back. But I waited. I was trembling and sweating but I stayed on the line. Then came my turn to pay. I remember shaking. My face was hot and I felt sweat under my wig. But I completed the transaction, took my pantyhose and was leaving the store. Soon after I got such a powerful rush of thrill and excitement, I could barely walk. it kept coming and coming, like nothing I ever felt or experienced before. As nervous as I was, the thrill was even greater.
I began buying my pantyhose like that to feel that again. Then I went shoe shopping, showing off my shoes and legs to other patrons. That brought on the thrill and excitement and gave me the nerve and courage to continue. That first time I bought pantyhose en femme, that thrill and excitement caught me by surprise. I wasn't expecting it. In subsequent times, I figured it was coming. When it did, I was more prepared. I felt at least outwardly I felt I was behaving and looking normal.
With the pantyhose rush, it occurred after I paid and was leaving the store. With the shoe shopping I was able to prolong that thrill as long as I was trying on shoes and getting approval reactions form other patrons. I used the thrill and excitement to build up my courage. Once I began to feel that, my inhibitions, nervousness and fear went away.
Well, a girl can't live in pantyhose and heels alone. She needs other things. I found when I went shopping for other items, I felt the thrill and excitement but it felt different. Pantyhose and shoe excitement was different, as was dress, bra, panties, lingerie, etc.
Going out dressed brought on feelings I never anticipate or imagined. And where I went or what I did brought on different feelings. There was so many emotions and feelings. I learned how to deal with them and sort of knew what to do when I wanted to feel them. They were different, and I could bring them on by doing different things.
@anna2232 I think the intimates like bras and panties are the most difficult things to buy in person since very few men buy these items as gifts which means you started with the toughest items so it's all smooth sailing from here.
@anna2232 Hi Anna, you've done well so far, it does take plucking up courage to start. I soon realised that actually shop assistants generally don't mind and they are happy to help. I also found the optician was brilliant when I explained that I wanted to buy male and female glasses. I shop in drab but have tried on a beautiful dress in a boutique. Sadly it was too tight, but I did find other things in there to buy.
@annaredhead Glasses is something I'm thinking of too. Separate frames if I have to, but for preference, something I can get away with in drab too. Next time I am due a test I'm going to take my Fiona hair with me and try some styles both with and without, right there in the shop. I am also wondering about contacts, with easily available add-on glasses for reading/screen work and even fashion, since I think the glasses are a part of my whole Fiona look. They'd have to be blue contacts though, as currently the glasses magnify my eyes and I like that a lot.
@finallyfiona I now wear glasses more or less all the time. I have 1 pair which are completely femme, the others are fairly unisex - I've switched recently to varifocals so have largish frames that work really well in either drab or femme.
@annaredhead I'm in varifocals as well, my previous pair are better for Fiona as they are half frame not full frame. But I'm thinking larger also.
@finallyfiona I'd certainly recommend thinking about larger frames, it makes the eyes and makeup really stand out
I don't know what it is but I've always found women in glasses attractive. Maybe the old stereotype that they're more intelligent. For my next makeover in May I'm going to ask for some pics wearing glasses xx.
@chrisfp99 I really recommend it. I've done that for a couple of shoots. Great for a prop to vary your look, that and different styles of earrings.
@finallyfiona a footnote to this, I went into the opticians the other day in drab. The lady who works there gave me a big smile and asked if I wanted another pair for Anna (actually I did) - what a brilliant service
@annaredhead I purchased mine glasses online after I got my last prescription. I normally wear bifocals and cannot read without them. I purchased a pair of larger frames. I find that they help to hide some of my masculine look and more importantly I can see.
@dianas1960 they really do make a surprising difference. I'm now at the stage where I wear glasses more or less all the time, I'm not keen on trying contact lenses
@anna2232 Good for you Anna!
The first step on a journey is the biggest and now you have taken it! The more you get out, the more comfortable you will become. Feeling judged is natural but you will find it really isn't the case as I have found.
As an example, on one of my visits to the mall, I experienced the feeling of blending in and not standing out which changed things for me. I entered the mall through one of the anchor department stores where I had been before. After a bit of time building up my courage, I set off into the mall proper. I walked the entire length of the mall stopping to browse in a few stores although I didn't find anything I had to have. The biggest thing for me in the process was observing a lack of recognition or even notice by others that I was even there. Everybody else was just going about their business without seeing me. This changed my thinking about going out and was so liberating compared to my prior mind space that everybody was looking at me and being judgemental. The sole exception was in one store where an associate told me that by booties (black, high heel, Chelsea booties) were really cute!
One of my earliest was when my granddaughter wanted leggings for Christmas. I wandered around the leggings at Target, bought a couple for her and a couple for myself. All the time I was mumbling about looking for leggings for her.
Cassie
Hey Anna. Welcome. You're a braver girl than me. I've never shopped in person, either dressed or in drab. But a lot of the girls here have tons of experience and I'm sure they'll chip in with hints and tips. They're a lovely bunch of ladies xx.
The first time I bought heels, I just up and did it, no one cared. But, I was out if town so that removed the fear of being seen by someone I knew.
Objectively we know people are paying attention to their own business and don't notice or don't care. However, people do gossip so I try not to shop at times or places when and where I may run into someone I know.
Ar times, I'll give the store a good scout to clear it in my mind, lol. Which if anything would drawn only the attention of loss prevention.
The more you do it the easier it gets.
Hi Anna,
Welcome to CDH. As others have said shopping for yourself at first can be scary but it is a lot of fun too. And you get a good idea about sizing and what won’t likely fit. And the store doesn’t care who you are buying for. After all they have bills to pay.
I hope your new purchases fit and you enjoy your new items.
Alice
Anna,
Rest assured, as the girls have been saying, people are so wrapped up in their own individual worlds today that they will never take time to notice you. Out in public, so many people are just staring at their phones, not even watching where they are going.
Be confident and you will project confidence.
Store employees? They are mainly concerned with how many hours before they get to clock out and go home. They could care less who buys what, as long as it is correctly processed and paid for. Your money spends the same as anyone else's.
Sounds like you are already off to a great start.
Happy shopping!
@catgurl Sales clerks can also get commissions, which adds even more incentive to make a sale.
Yes, thank you for the reminder, Harriette.
I worked PT in retail sales, when I went back to college, and the sales commission was a great incentive that we went the extra mile with every customer to close the sale.
Hi Anna,
Sounds like you did good, quite a bunch of stuff on your 2nd trip. I used to be apprehensive about buying cloths at first but like other people said here nobody even cares or pays attention to anyone else, and it it really does get easier over time.
I was a bit nervous the first time I shopped for myself. I bought panties and a bra at Wal Mart. Since then I've purchased panties, bras, shapewear, tops, pantyhose, shoes and jewelry without incident. I've also been shopping with my wife and tried on shoes in the store. I haven't been brave enough to try any clothes on yet but am pretty good at picking the right size. It is true that no one notices. Nice to know that Nordstroms is trans friendly.
XOXO
Suzanne
Well Anna you did really well in your first trips you have achieved what many here dream of doing so well done girl. It shows that if you can do it others can. If other women are looking at you then take it that they are looking on in envy as they wish their guy would buy for them, that is if you were in drab and if dressed they are looking on in envy that you look so good. Either way it was a nice story and thanks for posting.
I was lucky. My first shopping en femme was with a fabulous group of girls and I had a really good time. I was looking for an elegant and pretty dress to wear. I think I can say that the dress chose me. It was waiting for me. It seemed made for me. And my fellow shoppers let me know it.
Gisela
Anna, welcome aboard 🙂 Wow, that was some first time shopping, I bet you had a huge smile on your face! Mine was some coats in a couple of local charity shops. Although I did go have a bra fitting and buy rather a lot of them a couple of days later 😊 But other than the bras in the fitting room, I've not actually tried on any femme clothes in a proper store yet. That's for next time! In my (admittedly limited) experience in shops, no-one's judging you. You're just another girl out shopping, so go for it honey!
Hugs,
Fiona xxx
I had often bought things for my wife, so shopping for ladies things was never a big deal even when some of them were for me. It wasn't until I decided to try thing on in-store that I was a bit nervous, but as soon as I did and realized the SAs do not care I quickly got over it.
My experience has been if you let the Sales associate know that you are shopping for yourself. That they are very helpful and nice. I have had several Bra fittings, The Women doing the fittings don't seem to having any problem with fitting me. They are always very happy to call me Kimberly. For me I love to shop for Women's clothes it is always such an intense and wonderful experience
Great job Anna. I used to only shop around Christmas time. I would assume people would think just Christmas shopping for someone. Now I just do it any time, i create tunnel vision and only focus on the clothes im looking for. I've only had one dressing room experience, which i was out shopping in the worst weather possible,flash floods alone with tornado warnings. I think about that now AM I CRAZY! .Well there wasn't anyone in store just me and the two sales clerks.I don't recommend going out in extreme weather but usually fewer people shopping.
I have inadvertently shopped for femme clothes in drab. Let me elaborate. Unbeknown to me, M&S here in the UK stopped putting orders placed online in packaging when you select the 'collect in store' option. So while on previous occasions I have collected orders of dresses, underwear, tights, etc. without a problem, it turned out to be different last year when I went to collect a pair of wetlook leggings. However, the young girl who handed them to me simply said, 'Do you have a bag with you or do you need one?' and handed them to me. It was no big deal to her. I didn't have enough time to be taken aback. I should have taken heart (and no little confidence) from the experience but ...
Charity shops seem to be the worst based on what I have heard. Also the reason why I won't visit any of them. I have heard (from people who I have no reason to disbelieve) of several instances where the staff (usually elderly) have simply refused to make the sale to crossdressers when they have attempted to buy a dress or similar. If someone has the money and wants to buy an item, what business is it of theirs as to who buys what? Some of them need reminding that they're in a charity shop for crying out loud.
I often feel that we're around at the wrong time. If we were 25 years from the end of this century (assuming that is our great leaders haven't got us all blown to smithereens by then) I'm sure that the overwhelming majority will be cool with it all. If dress down Friday at work means you turn up in jeans and a t-shirt or decide to go for full makeup, a dress and heels, then practically nobody will be bothered by it. Only the culture war warriors will be occupying (not so fabulous) closets.
