Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Hi, fellow travellers!
I've been on the site for over a week, so I thought I should let you get to know me a little better.
I was born and raised in NJ, to a big family (7 siblings, 6 of them older). My early childhood is really a blur. I know I did boy things, but I also did "girl" things (my sister's Easy Bake oven was a fav). I really can't remember questioning my gender identity at all, though. My father passed when I was 12. It was shortly after that (maybe like a year or two later) when I HAD to "borrow" my sister's things. I became sure that I was "different" but couldn't shake the fact that the softness and silkiness made me feel more like myself. It was just clothing..what do I know. "Maybe I'm gay", I thought. Or "maybe dad's death screwed me up more than I thought". In any case, I couldn't resist doing all I could (at the time) to feel like ME.
I remember taking my sister's birth control pills for like a week (then I got scared). I slept in her nightgowns (and I think I got busted but, to this day, my brother has not said anything). I looked at Playboy and noticed more of the sexy things the girl was dropping than the girl herself. Then, I graduated from high school and began to party with my friends. I picked up girls and (I thought) forgot about who I had THOUGHT I was. Then I met a girl and we married. I had a rendezvous (or two, or 35) with other men because I knew something was missing, and I didn't understand what or why. I had been years without feeling girlie, or so I was conditioned to believe. All the while, though, Alison was there, waiting patiently.
I started to go to the gym a few years back. I admired the girls in their leggings and barely-there tops and imagined I lusted for them. But no, it was not lust If I were being honest...it was envy. I wanted to look like them and live like them (Maybe! LOL). Alison was yelling for help and release. I started watching trans erotica, wishing I were her, and admiring her for her bravery in having gotten the "hiding" out of the way and moving on to the physical metamorphosis. (You thought I was going to say I wished I was her for a different reason, didn't you?). I started looking online at the fem stuff I needed (En Femme is an absolute favorite).
But I'm married to a woman who I know would not understand (you can trust me on this). And I have siblings who were (mostly) raised by a man's man. And I have no space whatsoever to be who I am without others discovering my secret. It's become almost crippling.
Then I found this sight, just a week before my wife had a scheduled business trip. So I am sitting here, wearing the leggings and bralette top, with thong that feels so right, that I went out and shopped for earlier today. All with the lights on and a full view through large sling glass doors. Will one of my nosy neighbors see me? I don't know, maybe I hope they will. Maybe I'm getting reckless. Tonight, I took a ride in my new outfit and went for a walk in an area where no one would know me. Whatever it is, I don't know if Alison is going to let me stop. And her captor is tired. I'm being consumed.
Anyway, now we head into the "beyond" part. I don't know where this journey will end up, but the direction is becoming clearer. Alison deserves to live.
Thanks for reading.
Allie
Yes, you do deserve to live Allison. Welcome to CDH
Lacy
I waited until I was 68 before I accepted that this is who I am. Please don't waste your life trying to be what you think society say's you should be and be who you want to be, you'll be a much happier person.
Lacy
Alison -
Welcome to CDH
XOXO
Suzanne