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Need advice

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Posts: 31
Lady
Topic starter
(@nicky35)
Trusted Member     BECKLEY, West Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I am 6'2 250 I wear a size 13 men's shoe. I love wearing women's clothing and high heels. I want to go out dressed up but I am scared to go out in public. I love getting dressed and just going on long drives. I have been forced to go to the rest areas or get gas the entire time I was scared someone would say something but they didn't. I just wish I knew a way to get more confidence to go out in public. I have been to a couple of clubs with my wife and enjoyed the time. 

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19 Replies
9 Replies
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Joined: 6 years ago

Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Posts: 1742

@nicky35 The only magic trick I know is to make believe you have a right to be out there (which you do), and that gives you confidence. Go out like you own the place. With your make believe confidence, you will go out more and feel more confident.

For another way to put it, search "Whistle a Happy Tune" by Deborah Kerr, a song from "The King And I."

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 Lacy
Duchess
(@rholtman96)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Lincoln city, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 198

@nicky35      I'm 5'6in and weigh 118lbs, I wear a size 8 mens shoe, I to love to wear women's clothing and high heels, I am scared to go out in public to. I am usually unafraid to do much of anything, I've driven a race car professionally, jumped out of an airplane, ridden motorcycles on a race track and fought in a tough man contest back in the 80's ( I was 25lbs. bigger then). But going out enfemme scares the dickens out of me.

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Baroness Annual
(@fembecky)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 602

@nicky35 

Hi Nicky, It's all about how to get started. Different people do it in different ways. I can only recount my own experience which served me well.

I built my confidence in small steps to begin with. I don't recall exactly what I did, but I think I started with just ladies trousers, then after a few outings added ladies shoes that did not look too feminine. The next step was an ivory blouse that was somewhat feminine but did not shout its femininity. Each step was a few days before moving on to the next. I think I had also been using a handbag (purse?) and knee highs (rather than socks) for a while before I started this sequence.

Over time it was obvious that nobody was taking any real notice of my attire, and I was fairly confident by then. The next leap was to wear a sheath dress. The first reaction I had was from a lady who serves in a coffee shop my wife and I often went into. She saw my dress straight away and her immediate reaction was the most gorgeous smile and the comment "I love your dress. Where did you get it?". That was a real boost to my confidence.

I have never had any negative comments, only supportive ones. Just this morning in a beauty salon I was chatting with one of the 'nail technicians' about crossdressing while waiting for my wife having treatment. The technician's comment was "You only live once. it's great that you can crossdress these days without negative reactions. Don't get to the end of your life regretting the things you haven't done".

Meanwhile, @rholtman96, I really must try and find the opportunity to jump out of an aircraft - I think that would be exhilarating. My main obstacle might be persuading my wife it was an OK thing for me to try.

Worried  

Rebecca

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 Lacy
Duchess
(@rholtman96)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Lincoln city, Oregon, United States of America
Posts: 198

@fembecky I did it at 64yrs old with my grandsons and I always said I would never jump out of a perfectly good airplane. If I could do it so can you. 

Good Luck,

Lacy

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4016

Posted by: @nicky35

I just wish I knew a way to get more confidence to go out in public. I have been to a couple of clubs with my wife and enjoyed the time.

There are a number of ideas here about how to gain confidence to dress in public.

Three things stand out: 1) owning the experience. Believe that you have the right to be there dressed as you like; 2) blending in. The more attention that you get, the more unsettling the experience may become; 3) gradualism. Take things at your own pace. Gradually go from underdressing wherein only you know what you are doing, to wearing more androgynous clothes, women's clothes and accessories that can easily be mistaken as men's wear.

How you grow beyond this safe point is up to you, though. Do you get to the point where you can wear women's shoe styles covered by long pantlegs, obviously feminine blouses, skirts or dresses? Do you add shape wear and forms, wigs? Do you change from crossover bags to purses? In busy locations, such as tourist areas or malls, you can disappear more into the background noise. With your wife beside you, she can act as cover and support, if she is willing. The more flamboyantly dressed you are, the more make-up and jewelry you wear, the more attention you will receive. Also, you get to wear winter wear and you can hide some things under winter coats, such as silicone forms, etc., that may be more obvious during warmer weather.

Work up to your comfort level, build on your successes, then decide whether you want to do more and more.

 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 93795)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 189

@harriette Your 3 points are excellent advice to any CD!

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(@geniv_cd)
Joined: 8 years ago

Reputable Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Posts: 260

@nicky35 Nicky, for me the key factor was to address the fear of being ridiculed or receiving some negative feedback. However that fear like most fears was only in my mind. When I went for the first time it was an amazing experience. I didn’t go alone, and received a lot of good feedback from the girls I went out with. A few years back I wrote an article, “ Genivieve’s First Girls Night Out”, look it up and read it if you wish. In the aftermath of finally going en femme, I realized that I had let my fears control me and that prevented me from doing something I dearly wanted to do for a very long time. After that first time I regularly went out both day and night as Genivieve for a period of over 15 years, and never had a bad experience. In the end our regrets will not due to the things we did, rather they will come from those things we wanted to do but did not! Good luck hun! 😉

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 175

@nicky35 

You can take some confidence from the fact that you have the right to be out in public and a supportive wife.   I would suggest couple of considerations.  Observe the wide range of women round you in any public place.  If you pay attention, you will soon realize that women come in all sizes.   We are not all petite and size 8.  We are not all conventionally pretty.   In my case, I am also 6’2” and weigh in at 230 plus or minus.  I have some conspicuous tells in my shoulders and hands.  Still, I have often stood in line at the coffee shop with women who are taller and women with much bigger bodies.

The second thing is that confidence comes from experience.  Use every opportunity to get out in public.  that can be a trip to the grocery store or an oil change.   It gets easier each time.    

Finally, it’s totally OK to feel some nervousness.  Once you are out and enjoying the experiencing the moment, the nervousness will pass.  Be yourself, enjoy your wife’s company and this wonderful life.

 

 

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Lady
(@jillannquinn)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Reno, Nevada, United States of America
Posts: 627

@nicky35 First off, you have a lot of great advice here already, so just pick which ones seem the most practical to you. You may have to modify a little but that’s okay, this is YOUR experience so own and enjoy it!

Secondly, dress appropriately for where you’re going. By that I mean don’t wear a ball gown to Walmart. Pay attention to how women dress (primarily in your age group) at places you plan to go and try to mimic their styles so that you will have a better chance at blending in rather than sticking out.

Maybe make a dry run or two or twenty and imagine how you will do things when you’re en femme. How will you pay for goods or services? Cash or card? What will you carry in your purse? I hope these help.

On a side note, it is deeply gratifying when you’re addressed as “ma’am” or “miss”. But my favorite was when and elderly lady (she was probably 25-30 older than me) said to me “It’s nice to get all dolled up, isn’t it?” I said it “Yes it is!” She really made my day!

I wish you the best of luck!

Hugs, Jill

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Posts: 7829
(@aliceunderwire)
Illustrious Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hi Nicky,

I’m a plus size girl too and love going out dressed up.  I find that most everyone is wrapped up in their own business and barely notices others.  A GG might smile so keep a big grin on your face.  Try to blend in with others and watch other women to follow their mannerisms and movements.  As you blend in your confidence will grow and you’ll become more relaxed.  Just think of all the fun you’re having.

Alice

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Posts: 45
Lady
(@sroyer)
Estimable Member     Ontario, Canada
Joined: 11 months ago

Hi Nicky 

Sounds like your SO is comfortable with your feminine side.  It's easier with someone that supports you rather than going out by yourself.  It is scary until you are comfortable being Nicky when Nicky has the courage to finally go out.  Have you tried making an excuse to go out with your wife as Nicky ... like clothes shopping to dress for the weather?  Or woman's tights because of poor blood circulation and vercose veins?  Or heels that provide a higher arch for your feet if you are not flat footed?

You've already taken the 1st step in going out to rest stops and gas stations....how about stopping by an out of town supermarket or a 7-11 as well to pick up a small non-essential item or 2...(use the shopping cart as a distraction...people will pay a lot less attention as they often are too busy and single mindedly thinking about what they need to buy.)

That's helped me calm my fears...in the meanwhile, enjoy your journey Nicky.  

Summer

 

 

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Posts: 1073
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@nicky35 How you feel is totally normal, so don't beat yourself up over it.

However, I agree with @alison-anderson - you just need to believe. It's a simple thing, but simple doesn't mean easy. What you will find however is that the more you do it the easier it gets. I feel the most important thing if/when you decide to go out is to behave as though this is just a normal thing. People are keen to sense when someone's acting dodgy and it makes them suspicious. I walk around being 6'2" (mostly) and in bright red hair (also mostly) and draw looks, but I think people see someone just going about their business and so they just shrug and get on with their day.

Unfortunately you don't appear to be too near any larger cities - those tend to have groups that schedule events and outings where you can meet likeminded people. Do you have the ability to travel to one of the larger group events? Erie, PA or Atlanta, GA, or Las Vegas?

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Posts: 812
 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Noble Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

I understand your being nervous while dressed up.  We all fear the worst will happen. Recently when I was dressed up for my counselor appt and my key-less fob went dead,  I was scared to death   Thankfully I was able to get it going and home so I could change for work

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Posts: 53
Lady
(@pantyloverguy)
Estimable Member     Georgia, United States of America
Joined: 11 months ago

My journey began when I was a little boy and loved seeing my Mom dressed and seeing all the little girls with their Sunday dresses on. I wanted one so bad but growing up in a rural area and on a farm I knew that I would never own a cute dress. I was either a suppressed CD or never went out. After my divorce, which was not about crossessdressing, I started dressing more and more. I wanted to go out and enjoy my life as Carla. 

I started small, sitting on my deck, going to take the trash to the road or driving around some. One day I told myself I have as much right as anyone to be me. So I started going shopping, movies, Disney World and other things that girls like to do. I'm 6 foot tall and was 240 lbs but have lost weight and now down to 190, so I know how it felt to see myself as the tall chunky chick in a dress. I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 10 and that has made it easier to go out. I even cut my grass the other day in a bikini top and booty shorts. Yes my neighbor saw me but she knows that I like to dress. The most daring thing I have ever done is using the ladies restroom at a Buc-ee's outside Macon Ga. 

Start small, celebrate your success and build from there. 

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Posts: 1728
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

Hey Nicki, as ever some lovely helpful and practical responses from all the girls here, but I'm with you. I'm 6'00" and 190 lbs and just don't think at that size it's ever going to work 😢. And yes, I love heels too 😊.

Hugs, Chrissie xx. 

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2 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1073

@chrisfp99 It'll work, girl. Out of 7 billion people, you only have to convince one. 😉

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1829

@chrisfp99 I'm with you on this one. Just over 6'1" and about 180lbs. Oh and I wear heels on most Anna days. My highest heels and I have to duck to go through a doorway. So a Ginger gurl, nearly 6'7", maybe in Brighton I'd get away with it.

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Posts: 1460
(@finallyfiona)
    Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Nicky, it's not often I'll disagree with Chrissie, but on this one I'm going to.  I'm the same height and weight as she is, with the same size feet as you, and I can tell you that no-one bats an eyelid when I'm out dressed, which is normally a fairly casual dress or a skirt and top.  Even when I wore a proper smart-ish dress this weekend, there were no reactions.  See my public photos for this and some of the other outfits I've been out in. 

I've yet to wear anything other than flat soles however.  That said, I am planning some excursions where my sparkly wedges or even some medium heels will be appropriate, and I'm not expecting any reactions then either. 

To me, the key word in all this is 'appropriate'.  The dress I wore was suitable for the weather and for my visit to the gardens of a stately home, even if I then wore it round the supermarket on the way back.  On warmer days I've seen plenty of women in dresses around town too.  But none in heels, unless they're obviously dressed right up for an occasion such as a wedding.  When I eventually do go out in my 'posh' shoes, they will be suitable for where & what I'm going out for.  

Just a thought, do they have casinos in your state?  Other girls have mentioned before that they are very safe with lots of cameras and security on hand.  That could be something you could treat as a classy night out and dress up fully for.  Go for it honey, you know you're going to enjoy it 🙂

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Posts: 848
Duchess
(@missylinda)
Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I will not side with either of my very dear  friends Chrissy, and Fiona, hi girls.  It’s  how you see yourself, and that can be altered.  I’m 6’2” and 200 lbs, not exactly Twiggy, ( look her up youngsters). I have been out multiple times on my 3 visits to vegas.  I was upside down scared at first.  I got a super makeover and dressed as a sane , mature woman.  I saw myself in the mirror, and said Yes, I got this.  I opened the door and gave the world the benefit of my presence.   I thought only of what I saw in the mirror and didn’t even notice the general population around me as I strolled the busiest pedestrian areas.  That’s the key, don’t look for negative vibes from others, LOVE YOURSELF!  

 

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