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I debated whether to put this in Relationship Advice or Personal Crossdressing Stories. But I’m not really offering advice per say. So, Personal Crossdressing Story. Here ya go.
I don’t want to go into too much backstory but a little is necessary for newer members.
I asked my wife if I could crossdress before I started. She was fine with it but did not want to go out publicly with me if I was dressed. She did privately express some apprehension about me dressing to my daughter who quickly ratted her mom out to me. But it was good to know and I took things slowly so I didn’t overwhelm her.
I have been fully dressing from the neck down almost every day for the past 2 1/2 months once I thought my wife was more accustomed to the partial dressing. I feel like she’s gotten used to it and today I got a bit of confirmation.
There’s a drag show this weekend and I was making plans to go. My wife said that she would go too (drag shows are nothing new for her) if we didn’t have sitter issues for our special needs kid. But here’s where it got interesting.
I told her that I would love to go with her but I wanted to go dressed and I knew she wasn’t comfortable with that. Her reply was that we really wouldn’t know until we tried. Yay!!! Regardless of whether she goes out with me Saturday to the drag show, the fact that she now would even consider going out with me as Mika is such a huge step.
Mika,
It IS a huge step, and I’m very happy for you. My one piece of advice is not to race ahead of yourself and instead continue to seek/accept her cues on the matter. We tend to want to take a mile when we’ve been given an inch, and doing so can actually end up pushing us backwards.
Speaking from experience, my wife was very accepting and encouraging of my dressing for about 5 years starting in ‘04. I believe part of the reason I stopped dressing for 11 years and purged — all at her ... um ... urging — was because I sometimes attributed macro acceptance/encouragement to things that were mere micro acceptance/encouragement and unwittingly blew through some boundaries believing they no longer existed. So I counsel cautious optimism! 😊
God bless,
Steph
😊
Congratulations Mika, I hope you enjoy the show together. My wife and I talked about going to the same bud she wanted us to go without me dressed for the first time to feel it out.
Thanks
Ashley.
I agree with what Stephanie Scott said. My S.O. was accepting and now is not. The way Stephanie describes it is how I think it happened to me. Please heed her advice.
Thank you, Stephanie and Eva. I’m not sure if she’s going because of the sitter issue. But being that it was her idea to possibly go out with me dressed is the big thing. I dress at home every day for the entire day. She’s definitely used to seeing me this way. The only harm that could come from her going out with Mika is that she might decide she isn’t ready to do it again for a while. But up until now, I never thought she would go out with Mika anyway. So, there really isn’t anything to lose.
I guess I left out some of my backstory too. I have underdressed for about 11 years and the only restriction/boundary was that I couldn’t be feminine if we were planning to be intimate. When I asked her if I could fully crossdress at home, the only restriction/boundary was that she didn’t want to go out in public with me dressed. I have always accepted and respected her wishes so, this being her idea, it’s a big thing. I will still not plan on going out with her while dressed. She will always know when I am going out and if she wants to be seen with me then I will let her make that decision.
That’s a good idea. My wife and I have already gone to drag shows before. She’s been to a lot more of them than I have. This is the first one that has popped up since I started fully dressing. She saw that it was happening and told me about it because she knows I would want to get out dressed.
I hope we can go together. But getting a sitter might be difficult. We’ll see.
Hi Mika,
Yes, any show of acceptance is heart-warming. When I first came out to my wife, she tolerated Bettylou, but said she didn't think she would ever go out with her. But she has done so several times in recent months; and we even discuss our wardrobes, now. Today, I went shopping while she was away at dialysis, and when she returned, she asked me what I bought. So I modeled the lime-green top I found to go with a skirt I bought last winter, and when she saw it, she said: "Oh, I like that top!" It made me feel so good to hear those words.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Well Mika I hope it works out for you hun!!
Ashley
Thanks, BettyLou. My wife and I have talked makeup and fashion quite a bit. She hasn’t talked about my outfits much. Last week she did really like my snakeskin print, fitted, flare leg pants though. That made me feel awesome. Then, we talked about women’s pants for a bit.
She’s been looking at my favorite shopping site lately and putting stuff in my shopping cart. Not for me but she knows I get points and use them for my stuff. So, we’re bonding over the shopping, sort of, as I help her find what she’s looking for at a site I am very familiar with.
That's great, Mika. We haven't discussed makeup at all, but definitely bonding over wardrobe; we even share a few things.
Bettylou
That is great Mika! More acceptance is of course a good thing, and the possibility of going out to a drag show together sounds like a huge amount of fun!
As an aside, last winter on my last time out with my CD friends in Toronto's Gay Village I saw a sign advertising a drag show starting at 9:PM, unfortunately it was now pushing 10PM so I'd missed it, or at least most of it. At the time I thought I will make a point of taking it in next time down there, but of course that has happened yet!
So let us know how it went!
Amy
That's amazing news Mika! On a more personal note just wanted to thank you. You really inspired me to go out when I first started dressing. Thank you honey, you deserve all the good things your receiving.
Love Trisha
Ps Im also following your advice and just putting my drab clothes in storage, except my most of my jeans which I'm turning into skirts.
Gosh, I wish I could share stuff. After my recent weight loss, my wife and daughter are both bigger than me. But honestly, I dress more feminine than they do anyway, lol.
