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Hi,
My name is Renee, I'm 24 and I come from the UK. I'm quite new to the cross-dressing world and this site, so I wanted to share my story and see what you think. Please feel free to reply and talk to me about what you read.
In my life I have always struggled a little with my sexuality, coming from a christian family. It became a struggle as I even had to question if I wanted to 'leave' the christian faith or not, just to have heterosexual sex. In the end I did and had sex with a women, which was amazing. Even since then, I struggled a little, I had thoughts about men, women and even MTF transgender, so didn't know what to think, but I never acted upon this.
Even with this struggle, I have always been curious with women's clothing, from the odd wearing of my mum's bra and panties or shoes when I was a kid, to the more recent wearing of my girlfriends clothes. The first time I wore the full outfit, I felt great, I felt sexy, I felt gorgeous. I wore a beautiful gold dress with tights and high heels, no wig, no make-up. But I knew then I needed more, I wanted to do it again.
When I went back home after visiting her, I then started buying things for myself; wigs, make-up, underwear, clothing and shoes. I started looking at make-up tutorials to try and make myself a better looking women. It was awesome to start dressing as a women finally. I lived with other people at the time so had to find somewhere were they couldn't walk in on me dressing up, as I already knew about their opinions on transgender people so would hate to think what they thought of transvestites.
I continued to dress up like that a few times a month, but I wanted more to it. I wanted to go out in public, I wanted to be seen as a woman in public. To be able to go into a shop and try on more women's clothing without anyone thinking I may be a man. But I never felt that my make-up quite did it. I didn't have the confidence, as I thought someone would look at me and would see I was a man.
Now, I don't dress up as much. I am newly engaged to an amazing women who I love with all my heart, so I feel that it's not fair to do it around her, since we live together. I told her back in December and she was great about it, we talked, I showed her some pictures and she didn't even recognise me. It made me feel so good, she even made a joke asking if I had tried on any of her clothes, as she was wondering who wore it best. I need to talk to her more about it but I feel that its not fair doing it around her as she may actually be uncomfortable seeing me dress up.
As well as this, I was worried about what I was doing, it wasn't normal, was I weird, why am I different, why do I enjoy doing it? Recently I have tried to just put all my stuff in a suitcase and forget about it, but I can't. I keep thinking about it, keep wanting to do, it feels like there is a battle going on inside me, so I thought, I need to talk to people about it. So here I am. I look forward to hearing what you think.
Thanks,
Renee Xx
Hi Renee, welcome to the site.
i don’t know what advice I can offer, every persons story/feelings/needs and wants are different. What I can say is you seem to be in a good place with your partner regarding your dressing, it’s a start and it’s more than others have had. It’s good that you are thinking of her and taking it slowly in that respect. It’s easy to overwhelm a partner when it’s newly out, that pink fog can be lethal!
The main thing I would say, just from my situation is by all means hide it away from the rest of the world but don’t hide it from your partner, sneaking around will only cause more issues and most of all, do not hide it from yourself!! You have to be absolutely certain if it is or isn’t what you want. If you are sure you don’t want to then fine. And if you are sure you do want to take it further then be honest with yourself and your partner,
I dressed a lot when I was younger and single, then met my future wife and virtually stopped. Shut Rachel away, denied she existed, purged and set about being the man of the house because that’s what I felt was expected of me. Big mistake! For a spell everything was fine but every now and again, Rachel would show up in my head to remind me she needed attention. That internal battle with myself ended up huge and caused no end of issues until I finally accepted Rachel was me and vice versa. Unfortunately it was too late to save my marriage but ultimately it gave me time and reason to explore Rachel. Now she’s here, in the closet but here and I am starting to feel at peace with myself.
Sorry for rambling lol, I hope it makes some sort of sense and can help in some way
all the best
Rachel xx
<p style="text-align: center;">Renee, here is my opinion. This part of you will never go away. It may subside for a month or a year or maybe even 10 or 20 years. But that part of you will always be there. Im 69 yrs old and married with children and grandchildren. My wife knows and wants no part of my femme side. I get out when I can. I don't know where my life is headed. But I do know that Terri will always be there.</p>
Yours Terri
Hi Renee, Welcome to CDH. Firstly you are not alone here and help is always available, also it seems you are in a good place with your girlfriend and as Rachel says, don't hide it from her, if you can talk about it, tell her how you feel and see where it goes from there. You are starting from a point where you have someone close to you who knows about Renee. Take your time and respect your girlfriends feelings.
As for thinking your not 'normal' or weird, many of us here have had those thoughts, I certainly have. The thing is, you have to come to terms with the whole you, your male and female side. This is not easy, it has taken me years, believe me! Stop worrying about how crossdressing is perceived by others, and accept you are who you are. Once you can do this I'm sure you will feel better in yourself and be able to move on to whatever you want to.
Good luck Renee I wish you well in the future
Andrea xx
I think the ladies before have said it best but I would say as they have be honest with your partner and keep open communications. It was the hardest thing when I came out to my wife after 31 years of marriage. She still looks at me as I was lying and to an extent I was but she also felt that meant I was cheating which I had not. This I think is still in the back of her head after 3 years of being honest and open with her. So don't get your self in that position and keep open honest communications with your partner. It sounds like you have a great wife don't lose her.
Sara
I’m a gg and my partner told me about his desire to dress very soon after we met. I asked lots of questions about it and asked if he’d show me. I won’t lie, I was a bit nervous seeing him become her for the first time but before he dressed, I enhanced his naturally beautiful face with a bit of makeup. I mean, for me, if you are gonna dress you might as well do it right. When I saw him become her I was amazed. Such beauty and such a sense of confidence. Through the years we’ve talked about everything related to dressing...we are much closer as the years have progressed. So what I’m saying is, my partner appears to be the happiest than he was the day we met. Don’t get me wrong, this is still a private thing for us...but he’s complete and that for me is important. My love for him has only strengthened over the years. I have no issue with the dressing part and I’ve helped thru the process which I feel also helped me be understanding. He’s open to answering any question I have which has helped. I won’t tell you that it’s perfect and we don’t struggle with a few things...we do and have but mostly in the moments we aren’t actively communicating effectively. Tell her your desires, be completely honest, explain how it makes you feel but don’t forget to be in tune to how she feels about it. Don’t forget to listen to her and don’t forget to love her and show her you love her in the moments she has questions. Completely open and honest communication will take you to the place you are suppose to be. Feel free to private message me if you’d like more gg perspective. Wishing you complete happiness and unconditional love for a lifetime.
Hi Renee,
My story is very similar to yours and it has only been recent that I have accepted this part of myself as not going away. In fact if I suppress this, it is very destructive and I just can’t do that any more.
Be gentle with yourself and with your girl, if you are honest with both and kind, then you will have a much smoother time. In my experience this doesn’t go away, no matter what I did.
I hope both both of you can accept it and have fun! 🙂
Be open and honest with her and give her time to process it. This affects you both in a major way. I can relate to you, my wife and I really don't have any issues with my dressing. Cyndi (my wife) says that it's just apart of who I am. She doesn't really give it a second thought.
When we first started dating we was both open and honest as we didn't want any secrets from each other. When I came clean about it I thought the worst possible outcomes. All she said was "Ok and?" I was in total shock to say the least.
My advice would be is to simply ask. You will be terrified and she will be shocked. It's perfectly normal on both ends. I really don't care for the term "Being normal" to me it's how you live in a routine daily and really not a point of view from someone else's perspective.
We can either live in fear or live in truthfulness. You will experience both as she will. Take your time. No amount of worry will ever change the ultimate outcome.