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Out there, even in sad times

9 Posts
8 Users
22 Reactions
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Posts: 2157
Duchess
Topic starter
(@loneleycd)
Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hey girls, I just wanted to relate the last few days. On Christmas day my Ex's cousin's hurts passed away. My Ex so wanted to go to the funeral but it was a 4 and a half hour drive from central Iowa to central Missouri. She didn't want to go by herself, so I volunteered to accompany her. They had a visitation on Sunday evening and funeral on Monday morning. 

I went to my usual Church Sunday morning at 8:30. I wore one of my favorite dresses, pantihose and black flats, which I wore all day. We left the house about 10 drove to Marshall Missouri to get a motel room, then drove the extra 30 minutes to the Church. There was a long line at the visitation out of the door. It took us almost a whole hour to get to meet/visit the family. I was instructed not to embarras my Ex so when asked I told people I was just along to help with the driving. This worked until the last person in the line, the deceased's daughter. When she mentioned that they were accepting of different lifestyles I pretty much told her the whole story. 

The next day the funeral was at 10, I wore a black skirt, black tights, black flats and a black with cream colored pok-a-dots top. This is what I wore all day. I think I did a good job of staying in the background trying not to make any of the day be about me.  I did try to add a little to the conversation around me, but since none of them knew me nor I knew them it was just a couple hours being out and with a crowd of people. 

I do think I passed or people were not sure any didn't want to make a scene. 

Just wanted to share this to show that for some of you this is a possibility IF THAT IS WERE YOU WANT TO GO. 

Cassie 

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8 Replies
4 Replies
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1829

@loneleycd It was very kind of you to be supportive,

Hugs,

Anna xx

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1728

@loneleycd You did the right thing Cassie. Good for you girl xx.

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Lady
(@dazzler)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Posts: 827

@loneleycd I have just seen this. I  have just posted about a funeral that I'll be going to in a week or so, and what mode to go in. Weirdly, I have more female clothing suited to funerals than I do male. I have a lot of black dresses. I only own one suit, and that is dark blue. I hate wearing suits, but I love wearing dresses 🙂
I worry about making the day about me. The funeral is of a good friend, and I do not want to take away from the occasion. I do feel tough that she would be happy for me to go as Cerys, as she used to rib me quite a lot. It's a difficult call.

Cerys

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@dazzler Cerys, going to any event as your feminine self can be such a difficult decision. Since I have presenting as Cassie full time I cannot think of any other way to do it. 

One thing I did, for about a year I went to my Church wearing a black blazer and pants that looked close to a men's suit. I added a solid colored blouse and black flats. With my shoulder length hair I think I gave a more androgynous look. 

All my best to you and sympathy to your friend. 

Cassie 

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Posts: 4016
Lady
(@harriette)
Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 2 years ago

Thankfully it worked out OK being so close to people who don't know you, especially in Missouri. Sure, it depends on the individuals, but under the circumstances, it could be that nobody wanted to make a scene, either. Staying in the background shouldn't aggravate anyone much.

Last New Year's Eve, my wife and I took advantage of the free public transit to go out. Somebody who was drinking on the bus saw my Mary Jane shoes and this got him upset. My wife was not happy. This year I wanted to show her that he was an oddity, so not only did I wear the same shoes, but I wore a now oversized bright red sweater over medium sized breasts forms and no coat (climate change). No problems at all, this year, but I will have to stretch one of these shoes so that it doesn't irritate one of my toes

We can dress to blend in, if we want to stay unnoticed. Learn by doing.

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I have found thatt while many people do like alternate lifestyles themselves they are mostly willing to let others live their lives. Most of the time somebody has a problem there seems to be alchol involved or some group setting like a gaggle of teenagers trying to be cool in front of their peers. Personally, I have never had an issue, and the few comments I get are positive.

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Posts: 58
Guest
(@Anonymous 99924)
Trusted Member
Joined: 2 months ago

Glad you was able to help out while being yourself.

Allison 

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Posts: 3444
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

You did it all with respect and dignity Cassie. 

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