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Steps on whatever path we take in our lives can invoke many emotions. They can raise questions, concerns and they can certainly confuse. Sometimes the confusion can overload your mind. You cannot get away from your thoughts but you also have no easy path to resolve them.
For me I recently had my first outing fully dressed. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and wish I went further. However, this has opened a door to another world. What confuses me is how this balances with the world I currently live in. My current world will not allow me to easily grow into the new one.
I know this is not new, many of you will have had the same issues and gone or going through much pain as you tread your path.
To resolve my overload I have had to step back and pause. I need to calm myself, to take a longer look at myself then make the next step, whatever that may be.
To anyone with a similar overload issue, please don't be afraid to take a step back. Poor decisions can be made when not thinking straight.
Love Jane X.
The joy and curse of crossdressing.... its wonderful but never enough... one door opens another door drawing us deeper and many times its in conflict with our vanilla lives. Its something that can only be understood by other cross dressers. Good luck.
You said in your message that you are confused by how your crossdressing balances with the world you currently live in. That is the million dollar question for so many of us. Balance is the keyword in my life. Its a ongoing part of all of our lives. It is something that I found years ago before almost making a tragic mistake. As you can see by this great site you are not alone.
Yours Terri
Hi Jane, I hear what you are saying, but I wish I had addressed the overload and responded when it really hit me hard over 20 years ago. We had a preschooler at home, so I had to just "eat" the overload. It eventually caused me enough dysphoria and anxiety that I nearly had a clinical breakdown (I actually had night hallucinations for several weeks at one point) and robbed my wife and daughter of a complete, emotionally healthy person. I was in marriage couseling off and on for the last ten years (still am now), but couldn't tell them about me until the dam burst last July.
I agree we can get caught up in the thrill of being out and that is full of potential damage to you and others, but if we don't feel safe expressing all of ourselves to the world, is that any better, really? I've wasted the best period of my adult life lying to myself and my family and friends. That, at least, is ended now.
The answer is not trying to deal with it alone. A therapist experienced in our situation helps us learn what we can do about the overload or if we have a further journey down the gender spectrum path, like I am now.
Thanks for the posting - it really made me stop and think about it all!
Hugs,
Brie
Yes, I too have had to pull myself back from the newfound thrill of my new and liberating journey a few times for a bit of self-centering. My biggest fear is that of my other male self getting completely lost in the shuffle. I don’t really know where I’ll end up on the gender expression spectrum but for now I guess I’m just not ready to give up too much of masculine flavor that had defined me for so long. Little bumps in this road, and maybe a detour or three, are to be expected and hopefully dealt with as encountered if that happy destination is ever to be reached.
** Kayla **
The rush can cause decisions to be made in haste. You are so right to step back and calm down, reassess and think things through. There are so many considerations that will not only affect you but others around you. It's not easy but is sound advice.
Dear Jane ,
For me balance is very important , trying to keep the balance
between my male and Female self.
As Sylvia has been exploring herself more for the past two years ,
these last three months , since I joined CDH , have been even more rewarding.
Letting my Femme self explore herself , has made me a much happier person.
I am more relaxed now , and have come to accept and love my Feminine nature.
Making Friends here on CDH , to talk to eachother about our lives , and sharing our Feminine
interests , has been the most rewarding period in my life so far.
I hope this wonderful vovage will continue in this way , and sometimes you have to pace
yourself a bit along the way....
Still being in the closet is pacing myself enough for the moment.
Who knows what the future will bring....for me it will definitely be more Feminine !
Love Sylvia.