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Recent Experience at Torrid

35 Posts
19 Users
67 Reactions
382 Views
Posts: 145
Lady
Topic starter
(@fabulous1)
Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 8 months ago

When I was returning from my recent trip where I ventured out for the first time, I felt like I wanted more. I stopped at a mall on the way back home and ventured into the Torrid store, in drab. I quietly explained to the sales people that I was CD and that I would like to purchase an outfit to wear out into the mall and out to my car. Both of the sales girls reacted as if I had just bitten the head off a snake. While one of them reluctantly tried to help me, the other walked just outside the stores entrance seemingly looking for something. It turns out what she was looking for was mall security. She comes back into the store with two mall security people following. I looked at her and asked if that was because of me? (I am not an imposing person and all I was doing was trying to do was quietly purchase some merchandise.) She mumbled something at which point I thanked them and told them that there would be no sale to me this night and left the store, disappointed (I had found a really nice black leather skirt that was on sale). Just a wanted to let you know about a recent experience I had at a Torrid store.

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34 Replies
9 Replies
(@dovemtn2016)
Joined: 1 year ago

Honorable Member     Tucson, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 313

@fabulous1 Gosh, Penelope, what a terrible experience. I had a very good experience at Torrid here in Tucson. The first time I went I was in drab, but I identified myself as transgender and wanted some tee shirts. The young lady was very courteous and helpful. When I was checking out I complimented her on her customer service. She told me that they had many different types of customers and they try to help everybody.

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1839

@fabulous1 What a dreadful experience and one that I can only hope you can quickly put behind you.

Hugs,

Anna xx

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

@annaredhead Thanks Anna, It was not anything that will make much of a difference. It is a more rural area so maybe they just didn’t have any experience. No lasting harm, except I did not get to purchase the skirt.

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(@brittney2016)
Joined: 6 years ago

Prominent Member     Cincinnati, Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 907

@fabulous1; Penelope, making much of a difference or not; what the one sale associate did to you by calling mall security was inappropriate. However, you did the right thing in insisting on not making a purchase and leaving the store.

All the years that I've been on CDH; I've heard how inclusive Torrid stores are to TG/CDers. Their website states their Diversity & Inclusion policy; obviously those two store workers didn't pay attention during their orientation training.

I'd make a call or send a complaining e-mail to their corporate customer service dept. via their website explaining how you were treated. Those two sale associates need to be reminded by management that every customer is a potential sale and not to discriminate.

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(@dovemtn2016)
Joined: 1 year ago

Honorable Member     Tucson, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 313

@brittney2016 And it's not just the sale that day, it's beyond that.

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(@mirandam)
Joined: 3 months ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 77

@brittney2016 I would definitely mention this too, good advice.

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1733

@fabulous1 Gosh Penelope what a negative experience. What's the matter with these people? You just rise above it girl xx.

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Lady
(@gil)
Joined: 9 years ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 59

@fabulous1 

Did anyone call security on them because maybe they were wearing pants?

 

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@fabulous1 I am so sorry you had such a bad experience at this Torrid store. I had a bra fitting at my local Torrid store a few years ago, I was in male mode at the time. When it came time to actually measure me though she handed me the tape measure and had me do it myself. I did purchase 2 bras that day. 

Sometime later I got a job there for 14 months working 3 hours every Sunday. I was VERY uncomfortable the few times someone asked for a bra fitting. For that reason only I don't think I could go back to work there again. BUT otherwise it was a great experience. 

Cassie 

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Posts: 1079
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@fabulous1 Which mall was it? I've been in to the Torrid at Columbia Mall a few times (both in guy and girl mode) and never had anything but helpful people. Though to be fair, I merely go about shopping, I've never asked anyone for assistance with anything other than checking out.

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1 Reply
(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

@melodeescarlet Hagerstown

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Posts: 3446
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Gosh that's an awful experience Penelope what were the sales girls thinking!! I am sure they will not be getting your business anytime soon. 

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Posts: 86
Lady
(@caligirl)
Estimable Member     Colorado, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Sorry to hear this happened to you Penelope, really? security ? I had a similar experience where we live at Torrid as well. Wife and I were just looking at their dresses and tops and the sales associate asked if she could help. I asked if they carried a size 12 for a dress I liked. She just looked at me ( in drab) with a curious look and walked away. We keep on looking and I noticed she and another associate were talking and laughing. Over priced anyway. Pride Heart Luv's Kathi

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Posts: 77
Duchess
(@rebeccaoh)
Estimable Member     Oxford, Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 7 months ago

Every store is going to have different people so it’s tough to blanket say a chain is accepting. I hate you had to deal with that, that’s just awful. If a woman walked into a Lowe’s and asked for a tool belt there would be no issue. Or if a girl wants to go buy men’s anything it’s like nothing happened. The weird double standard is so annoying, I’m angry for you right now yeesh. They never deserved your business…

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Posts: 508
Lady
(@kerrismith)
Prominent Member     Belvidere, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Gosh Penelope, Im sorry to hear you had a bad experience at Torrid.  ive never heard anything but good news about Torrid.  But ive never tried to purchase anything there in either boy or girl mode,

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Posts: 829
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

I'm in the UK, so have no experience of Torrid stores. 
At the moment, AFIK in The States, it's not illegal for a man to dress or present as female (for now, at least), so what you wanting a female outfit has to do with security in anyone's guess. I would suggest a very strongly worded letter to the store, head office and to the security company/mall owners. Maybe a chat with a legal advisor, too.

Cerys

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Posts: 1341
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

If I may give you an idea of what might have been going through the SAs minds since you were in drab:

"Yes, sir, how may we help you?"

"Hello, I'm a cross-dresser."

"Ok."

"I know I am wearing a man's clothing, but what I'd like to do is buy some women's stuff from you, use your changing rooms to put it all on and, after paying, walk out into the mall wearing it."

No matter how you personally might have reacted to this if you were the shop assistant, you must appreciate that with so many weirdos around these days, the sales assistants may well have felt somewhat on the back foot. They don't know if you are genuine, or whether you're trying to get some sort of perverse kicks from the situation, as they can see no evidence that you are what you say you are. You may well find that these people are normally quite used to dealing with CDs and trans women, but it may also be that you came across as less than normal and perhaps a little frightening.

I don't know, I wasn't there, but sometimes you have to take into account how someone might see your behaviour. You may have felt it was all quite normal; they may have thought it anything but.

That said, if they were just close-minded bigots then they are completely to blame.

Sorry if I've played devil's advocate but I try to see both sides, at least at first.

 

Becca

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12 Replies
(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

@rebeccabaxter Becca, I truly love the way you think. I say this in all honesty, no sarcasm. You definitely seem like the voice of reason. I thought the same thing when the sales person that had guided me to the leather skirt disengaged while the other sales person was headed out of the store and into the mall. I looked around a bit on my own, then went back to her to ask if she could help me find a sweater that would work. She seemed put out that she had to talk to me again but maybe that was just an uneasiness that she discussed with the other employee prior to her leaving to flag down security. I definitely got the vibe that I was not welcome anymore even before security arrived. I understand that there is a lot of bad in this world so I can partially empathize, but a balding, 63 year old, slighty overweight guy doesn’t seem like the typical miscreant. I guess maybe they had logged into CDH and seen the polls therefore knowing I was exactly the offender!?

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

And (now I’m all riled up) the previous morning, I had gotten up early, gotten pretty and made my way to Kohls. I walked into the store and saw that the employees (all women) were taking long glances at me. I looked around a bit and found a lovely skirt and a top that I thought would go well with it. I approached one employee and honestly told her that I am CD and asked if what I had picked out would make a nice holiday outfit. She responded positively. I asked whether I might try it on. She pointed me to the fitting room. I changed but could not get the hook at the top of the zipper fastened. I came out of the fitting room and she fastened it for me. I bought the items and walked out wearing them, my previous outfit in a bag. That’s the treatment I expected at Torrid.

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

And my first time out in the hotel lobby, I asked a woman I did not know if she would take some photos of me. She agreed and that’s how I got the pics I posted. After each picture I told that if anything about this is bothering her or not sitting well i any way that I wanted her to stop. She kept repeating that she was okay. My intent is to never hurt anyone else, ever. I understand that I may make some people uncomfortable in that situation. But I want to respect their feelings and expect the same from them. Not so much mutual respect at Torrid.

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(@mirandam)
Joined: 3 months ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 77

@rebeccabaxter this is good to keep in mind as well.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 99367)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 20

@rebeccabaxter Lot of common sense in that post. 

Maybe its just me, and I'd be bad in customer service, but if i was an SA and someone asked me for an outfit that would work for them to change into and walk out to the car, I'd think "That's sort of a you problem. Just pick something yourself, and I'll tell you it looks great."

Because we're doing something that kind of steps outside normal boundaries, it can be hard to think where the new boundary resides. I think it stops short of involving people in our own activities. 

On the other end of scale, I'd good experiences shopping today for the first time en femme. In a weird way, it's very stress free as I guess it's obvious I'm not shopping for an invalid aunt who can't get out much. All Sales Assistants, male and female, just courteous and did their job.

On the boundary thing, one even called me "madam". Which is fine, I just found myself thinking that I really don't expect or need it - I'm doing my thing, I don't care if the SA calls me "sir", if that's their inclination. We've all to make space for each other.

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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1341

@martha It's possible that if Penelope had gone in 'dressed' the problem may not have arisen, perhaps it was just the drab-to-femme thing, in-store, that had them a little freaked out.

It could also be that the SAs were a pair of ultra-right wing zealots that happened to be on duty at the same time. I suppose we'll never know now.

Fortunately, things like this don't seem to happen very often and I think Penelope has the right idea in letting it go and taking the attitude that they lost a sale and, in general, it's their problem, not hers.

Becca

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

@rebeccabaxter I just had another thought (often the beginning of potential trouble), maybe these women thought I was some kind of deviant who only wanted to go into the fitting room and pleasure myself while soiling their garments. If that were the case, they would be right to call security, yes? Maybe there’s more to the story? I hope that is not the image I was portraying.

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

Maybe these women were brought up in a less gentile environment where weirdo perverts are more commonplace. D’ya think?

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(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

I guess that is the lesson for all.

Do not try to purchase women’s clothing at a retailer and ask to change genders in their fitting room lest you be judged a weirdo pervert.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 99367)
Joined: 3 months ago

Eminent Member
Posts: 20

@rebeccabaxter I suspect you're right - and, absolutely, we don't know what was actually motivating the SAs in this case.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157
Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@rebeccabaxter Becca, I was about to reply with some similar thinking. It might be that these particular SA's were not experienced in handling one of us. 

Cassie 

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Posts: 289
Lady
(@carlafirst11)
Honorable Member     So. California , California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I am reallly surprised they acted so negative, most retail employees especially females are super nice, all they want is to make a sell. I don’t shop at Torrid, but I accompanied a friend, they were super cool with us.

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Posts: 7835
(@aliceunderwire)
Illustrious Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Hey Penelope,

l’ve visited Torrid multiple times and not had a problem.  I’m sorry to hear of your experience.  As Brittney suggests, I’d report the two sales associates to Torrid corporate Human Resources. The associates receive training  to treat all customers with care as they are the faces of the company.  In fact the sales receipt has a link to a survey a customer can fill out to relate a positive or negative SA experience.

Perhaps, you could relay your very negative experience to that store manager.

Alice

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2 Replies
(@fabulous1)
Joined: 8 months ago

Reputable Member     Forest Hill, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 145

@aliceunderwire I just finished a correspondence to Torrid. I will let you know when and what kind of response I get.

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(@aliceunderwire)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Posts: 7835

@fabulous1 A good step Penelope.  There’s no reason the SA’s should have done what they did.

Alice

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Posts: 5
Lady
(@sharkbyte)
Active Member     Springfield, Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 1 month ago

I'm new, so this may be an unpopular perspective, but I never specifically tell a salesperson I'm a CD (or trans, as be the case).  I expect they can figure it out when I ask to try something on, or if someone comes to help and I say that "I'm looking for something to wear".

I have every right to shop there as anyone else. 

30+ years, I've never had a problem.  Now, there is always the chance that they respond as they did for OP.  I was once denied trying things on, but it was sort of a closed-off area, and there were other women back there.  While I knew I wasn't going to do anything, I did appreciate where they were coming from.  As I recall she still fronted me a 20% coupon.  🙂

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