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Yesterday I was sitting the doctors waiting room as my male self doing what one does there - waiting.
To make the best use of my time I decided to answer an e-mail question from a CDH sister. I have noticed that when I interact with other CDers / trans women that a very distinct mental shift happens. For those moments of interaction regardless of how I am dressed, mentally I become a woman, or "become a woman" as best as I can tell, never actually having been one. I am not sure how to define / explain it but I am very aware that I am thinking differently than when I am in my "him" mindset.
As I was composing the answer to this particular sister, I hear my name called. "Charlene." And then a brief moment of silence. I quickly made sure that my work was saved, and began to stand.
Then I noticed a woman near me put her phone into her purse, stand, and follow the receptionist.
I thought how neat that there are two Charlenes hear today, when suddenly I realized I wasn't being called. As discreetly as possible I sat back down and again waited.
But my how revealing was that abrupt and quickly over experience to my conscience mind. And sobering. Who am I really?
Truly I long to be a woman; rather than just simply dress as one. Once I came to my "senses" and recognized it was not me the receptionist was calling I found myself with mixed emotions. Sad that I, Charlene, wasn't really being called. Confused about how deep does my desire for womanhood actually run. It really is core, is it not? Delighted that I so naturally responded to my name being called.
Truly an intersecting and revealing experience.
Blessings,
Charlene
aka: Charrie
Hi Charlene Thank you for sharing that special moment It can be a bit confusing for anyone trying to exist with two identities. Until you decide which name best fits who you are a person these experiences will continue. Its up to all of us how we want to be addressed to every one we encounter. You chose to be addressed as Charlene here at CDH and everyone addresses you as a woman with a very pretty name. I think were it get really confusing for the general public is when we choose a feminine name and we do not look feminine at all. The more we choose to act and dress more feminine the more it will make sense to most people when they look at who responded to your name. Most woman you encounter will comment what a pretty name because it is a pretty name. Your response can vary depending how you feel that day. If you do not feel cute and pretty then you would probably say 'MY Mother wanted a girl". If you felt cute and pretty a simple thank you would work for most people. It up to all of us individually how we choose to be addressed and how we expect to be treated. You can not control how others will react or think. If you believe you are a woman then you are a woman. Its that simple. Society would have us believe that if you are not born with a vagina you cannot be a woman. We here are proof that is not always the case. SO who is right? Society or YOU. I believe you, not society, Stay true to yourself.
Luv Stephanie
I went to my 1st CD event in 1979 or 80. It was at a private house about 20 miles from me. Prior to going I was thinking of how do I introduce myself to others. Why I picked the name Terri I have no clue. My male name starts with a T. Maybe thats why I picked it. But as I said it , it just sounded right and know after 40 years later I truly feel right being called Terri.
Nest time, register as Charline. Problem solved.
Thank you so much for sharing this Charrie.
I don't expect to ever hear my name in public while not dressed.
That thought brings a mixture of emotion for me.
I'll be thinking about this for a while today...
Have a great day.
xoxo
Rayna
Rayna, thank you for your reply. I trust you were blessed as you thought in this possibility. And truly I do hope you get to hear your name called one day in public. Dressed or not, if you are in your feminine frame of mind it will blesses you.
Kindly,
Charlene
Thank you Charlene, not only for the cooment regarding my own experience but by also giving me the link to yours. I enjoyed reading it and imagine we had similar feelings when it happened. What a joy!
Kisses Becca
Thank you Charlene, that was sweet.
Hugs, Liara
