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Sadness and Happiness

7 Posts
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Posts: 135
Lady
Topic starter
(@soyangela)
Estimable Member     San Diego, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Sharing my life in public is difficult for me. Since finding this wonderful site I’ve shared the biggest secret of my life. That I am a crossdresser. The support and advice I’ve received has been fantastic. Reading articles, stories from other girls like me has made me feel a little less lonely and is helping me accept myself a little more everyday.

Now to the title of this topic. My sadness comes from knowing that for the foreseeable future I will not be telling my SO my big secret. We were watching TV when a commercial for some testosterone supplement came on. In the commercial it mentions where have all the real men gone. My wife agrees with the commercial. She says yeah where have all the real men gone. I know she wasn’t talking about me. In guy mode I like working on my old car, sports, and hunting. But I felt sadness and some guilt at what she would think of her husband who likes to wear women’s clothes.

On the happier side. My daughter and I were having a discussion about gay and transgender people. She was very accepting even saying that if someone close to her, some loved family member came out she would love them unconditionally. As we talked I threw in would you feel the same if that person were a crossdresser. She says sure there is nothing wrong with that. It felt good to know she may accept Angela. I didn’t say anything to her as I would never but that kind of burden on her. But it nonetheless felt good knowing i won’t lose my entire family if I came out.

In keeping with my happy theme. I recently bought a couple of dresses, breast forms, bra, panties, pantyhose, and my first pair of shoes! I had an hour this morning to try on my new clothes. OMG! I felt so good walking around my house in my new dresses. Sitting, walking and feeling fully feminine was exhilarating. I need to work on walking in heels but I loved the feeling of those pretty shoes on my feet. Next up is a wig and makeup. Then I will once again see Angela in the mirror. She has been gone for far to long.

Thanks for reading.

Hugs,

Angela

 

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6 Replies
Posts: 441
Lady
(@vanillaballoon)
Honorable Member     Nashville, Tennessee, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

The expectations from our SOs can be a huge burden. People are changing in so many ways and old roles are dissipating. I think this is a good thing, but women definitely have less pressure to change their expectations of us than we do of them, further proving that in spite of greater privilege, our place is far more rigid. It is a hard hand for any man to play, ultimately balancing decency with the expectations of masculinity, but for men like us, it goes a lot further. Personally, most of my fear in exploration of my feminine side comes from this.

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Posts: 0
Guest
(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago

Important to remember that marketing wants to cojour up feelings that make you want something. Where have all the real men gone? I don't know what a real man is. Is it certain activities that make a real man? Is it following certain traditions? Different cultures have different beliefs. Don't let someone's marketing campaign shape your beliefs. I have spent too much if my life trying to be something for someone else. But side note. My SO told a friend (boyfriend, may or may not have crossed lines) she tells this guy, "my husband in panties is more of a man than you will ever be" so theres that.

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Posts: 135
Lady
Topic starter
(@soyangela)
Estimable Member     San Diego, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Aoife, That is where my fear and guilt/shame comes from as well. The expectation that we men can't have a softer side, that we are not supposed to have feelings and compassion.

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Posts: 907
(@brittney2016)
Prominent Member     Cincinnati, Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hello Angela; I understand your feelings. This site is a great source of support and non-judgment. Unless we're lucky to live near each other and arrange to meet, we're closer to our immediate family on a daily basis. Getting acceptance, support, and understanding from loved ones is more meaningful than from a cyberspace profile.

Our S.O.s are the same, no acceptance in the foreseeable future. It's great that you have a ray of hope with your daughter. In the meantime, congrats on your new clothes. That's the best thing to do, indulge yourself and lift your spirit.

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Posts: 135
Lady
Topic starter
(@soyangela)
Estimable Member     San Diego, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Erica, that is a great line from your wife. It gave me a good chuckle.

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Posts: 135
Lady
Topic starter
(@soyangela)
Estimable Member     San Diego, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Thanks Brittany. I will continue to indulge every chance I get.

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