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Early in my crossdressing journey, one of the hardest things for me was acquiring the clothes I desired. In an earlier post, I described some of my early crossdressing shopping experiences and how scared I was in carrying them out. That was something that never got any easier, but before the days of internet shopping, shopping in person was the only way to build up a wardrobe. Eventually, when internet shopping became main stream, coupled with moving into my own apartment, suddenly a lot of doors opened up to me. I went from a minimal wardrobe to a full closet of dresses, skirts and blouses, along with a lingerie drawer that was stuffed to the max. At the time, I had more feminine clothing than I had men’s clothing; however, I found the problem with online shopping is that a good portion of the orders turned out to not really be what I was looking for, didn’t fit right or was just not what the advertisement said it was. Early on, returning things was not that easy either, so most of the time I was just stuck with whatever it was I bought. What I have found over the years, is there is no substitution for shopping in person.
I was always super fearful of walking into any clothing store and buying feminine clothing for myself. I always tried using the "it is for my girlfriend" line, but one day, I’m not sure what came over me, I just made up my mind, drove to a mall, not the closest to where I lived, and walked directly into a Victoria’s Secret store and when approached by the sales girl, I used the “it is for my girlfriend” line, but I did it with a twist. I said it was for my girlfriend, "but it is really for me." The sales girl wasn’t fazed at all and simply replied “OK, what size does she wear.” Based on her response, I pointed out “Wait, I don’t think you understand, it is for my girlfriend, but I am the one that will be wearing it.” Again, she didn’t seem fazed at all and simply replied “OooKayyy, what size do you need.” I don’t know what I was expecting, but that was not the response I expected at all. What I found was the sales girl was really helpful, and even brought a second sales girl in to help. When I first walked in, I intended to get in and out as quickly as possible, but ended up spending over an hour in the store picking out just what I wanted. After making my purchase, as I was heading out, one of the two sales girls that was helping me, with a very friendly smile on her face, told me to have a wonderful day. The look in her eyes seemed to be one of curiosity as if she wanted to be there when I was trying on my new lingerie. Overall, it was a very rewarding experience.
Because I was still on such a high from my experience at Victoria’s Secret, I decided I needed a new dress to go with my new lingerie, so after dropping the ginormous Victoria’s secret bag off at my car, I headed back to the mall and shopped around for that perfect dress which I found in the window of one of the shops. After heading into the store, I inquired about the dress I saw in the window, and the sales girl took me directly to it. This time I did not say anything about who it was for, but as we were looking around at other similar dresses and talking about them, the sales girl had suggested that this dress is really meant to hug your body, and the way she gestured with her hands, she was suggesting that this dress is designed to hug YOUR body. Again, she was very helpful with showing me the dress I bought along with other dresses, talking about the details of each, and even though it was never said, she knew exactly what I was up to.
A couple of years later, I started thinking I needed to purchase some shape wear. I found a wear your own bra style slip on the internet that I was interested in, and there just happened to be a Maidenform store nearby that had it in stock, so I decided to go to the store instead of ordering it online. I am glad I did because according to the online size charts, I needed a size large, but when I inquired about sizing at the store, this time I just told the sales girl straight out that this was for me, she suggested I go with the XL size, and that really turned out to be the right call. Of course, since I really enjoy wearing bras, also why I picked the wear your own bra style slip, I had to buy a new bra to go with it. Again, the sales girl was really helpful as we looked at lots of different bras, and I recall that there was one that I really liked, but did not come in my size. I kept gravitating back to that bra, and eventually the sales girl suggested bra extenders to make up the size deficiency, which she promptly retrieved and handed off to me. Then at check out, she suggested to me, if you buy one more bra, you will get another one free, so I went ahead and took her up on that. At one point, I had several different bras in my hands, as we were talking the different styles, colors, etc., I accidently bumped one of the racks that was above me, and bras came raining down on me and were all around me. I don’t know why, but I actually liked it and commented “Aaaaa, it is raining bras.” I got a chuckle from the sales girl and we both picked them all up and put them back. I also suggested to her at one point “I just want to buy the whole store,” which also generated a nice chuckle and friendly exchange. Then as I was checking out for the second time, I’m not sure if the sales girl was just going through her standard questions like “how was your service, etc.,” but one of her questions was “Did anybody offer you a bra fitting?” I just brushed it off, thinking it was a standard question, but in hindsight, I think she might have been offering me one, and I kind of wish I did not pass up the opportunity. I was also offered to join the "bra club" and was given a punch card, received a free gift for joining the club... Again, this was a really wonderful and comforting experience.
There is one more experience I wanted to point out. I found this really nice dress that I liked online, and found that it was in stock at the local store, in the size that the size chart said I needed, so I headed to that store to buy the dress. Even though this was at a department store, I managed to find the dress rather quickly. I also noticed when I arrived at the dress section, there was another man shopping for a dress. He quickly disappeared after I had arrived. I did not pay much attention, but I grabbed my new dress and headed straight for the checkout counter. As I was checking out the sales lady put my new dress on a hanger and put a nice bag around it, almost like you would see around a suit jacket, but you could clearly see there was a dress in the bag. When I asked for a smaller bag and suggested I wanted to fold it up, not wanting to be seen carrying a dress through the mall, she politely refused saying friendly “No, this is your precious dress; you need to take care of it. Maybe just drape it over your arm. Do not bunch it up.” Again, it was obvious that it was MY precious dress, and I was buying it for me. The sales lady knew it, yet was still very friendly and very helpful.
So the point I really wanted to make, especially to the younger generation, is that even though I still feel apprehension when going shopping in person to this day, I have found that just admitting you are shopping for yourself really goes a long way. All of the sales people I have encountered have been very friendly and very helpful to me, and now that I think back on it, I cannot think of one negative experience I have ever had shopping for feminine clothing in person. Sure, buying feminine clothing online is really easy, but I find shopping in person to be much more rewarding. I was always so scared of being spotted or judged by others, but that never happened. There really is nothing to be fearful or ashamed of with wanting to explore all that femininity has to offer. This is one of those "if I only knew back then what I know now" scenarios. I am still very much closeted, but I do intend to continue exploring this side of myself. I think I have mentioned in other posts that the next big step for me is to go on a shopping excursion en femme, that is if and when I can find the courage to do it.
The same is true when you shop en femme. You will find a good percentage of the GG women will accept or respectfully tolerate a crossdresser, especially those who make an effort to look presentable with their clothing, mannerisms and makeup.
Stores with self-checkouts are a life saver to me. I don't feel comfortable with the idea of shopping while dressed and I'm not sure I ever will.
It's gotten easier to shop for women's clothes as my male self over time, though. Through trial and error I've learned what sizes work for me and I tend to shop in stores I'm familiar with. So finding something I want usually doesn't take long. I just walk in, bold as brass, find something I need or like, and then go pay for it. I've noticed that most of the other shoppers are so fixed on what they're buying that they don't even seem to notice what I'm buying.
If I have to deal with sales people or cashiers, I just act like what I'm doing is the most normal thing in the world. There have been occasional comments, I just ignore them. They'll still take my money. And a month later, they probably won't even remember what I looked like.
I do think it would be nice, though, if I could take my time and maybe try a few things on instead of shopping for women's things like a guy shops: get in, find it, grab it, go.
There was a cd store in my area not long ago, and after my initial nervousness I worked up the courage to work with the people there. I bought a lot of stuff there, and took my time doing it. But that's not the same as trying to shop at a traditional store. And unfortunately, the place is closed. They still have a location out of state, but it's a three hour drive at least and they're online anyway.
So, as far as shopping regular stores goes, this is where I'm at. But we ladies are nothing if not resourceful. We find a way to get the job done.
Rayna
Cheryl is spot on...but many of our needs require that we try on the dress, skirt, blouse and especially shoes. Fortunately I generally pass in public. However, occasionally I sensed that a clerk has read me so I simply and politely say that I'm in transition and would like to try on something...and ask "What is the store policy." The result has been everything from "Use the men's changing room" to " You're welcome to try on anything...May I help you?" I always ask when buying intimates as this is a sensitive issue for most GG shoppers. Thankfully most every exchange has resulted in a positive outcome.
Hi Lauren. I agree that interaction really helps. Most other women in retail are very helpful and understanding. It very encouraging as any form of acceptance is always welcome especially from another woman. I am sadly unable (age) to fully transition but have worked hard to present and act fully feminine. Several encounters have resulted in an offer to return and ask for that associate when I'm shopping there again. I'm happy for you in your new life as a woman...and, of course, slightly jealous.
Oh Lauren, Wow! Crazy life, I'm sure, but from the sounds of things you made the right choice. I am so happy it's working out. Guess this gives new meaning to "Your better half"??
For me, the first time I went shopping as Lauren was absolutely exhilarating! I went to a shoe store and tried on about 25 pairs. I didn't buy any that trip but I was addicted. Another amazing experience was the first time trying on clothes in a dressing room. Standing in the room wearing only a bra and panties while changing was incredibly liberating for me.