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Slowly stepping out.

26 Posts
13 Users
64 Reactions
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Posts: 54
Lady
Topic starter
(@rickialan)
Estimable Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 12 months ago

Saturday i picked up a pair of knee high boots ,i was having the calves altered. Couldn't wait ,so i decided to wear them home .Driving while wearing boots was so exciting for me. Anyway i had one pitstop to make, the amazon return store. I kinda waited til i didn't see anyone around then decided to go in wearing my boots. I wasn't all that fem dressed really. I did have on skinny jeans and kinda fem looking leather jacket. The guy behind  the counter didn't really give any odd looks at me . He was just friendly and helpful. After leaving i had the urge to stop by this beauty store on my way home. I pulled in the parking lot, saw alot of people there. So i kinda backed out ,Couldn't  force myself.  Maybe next time. Hopefully i will get the nerve to get all made up /dressed and find a place to go in where i feel comfortable.  

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6 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5210

@rickialan 

I'm a great fan of the whole 'bit by bit' thing. Do WHAT feels right, WHEN it feels right for you. Build things up gradually at your own pace, hit 'pause' when you feel you're exceeding your comfort zone.

It sounds to me as though you're doing great 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

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Lady
(@rickialan)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@ellyd22  Thanks Ellie. 😊 

 
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Lady
(@paulapantyhose)
Joined: 7 years ago

Estimable Member     western part of state, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 144

@ellyd22 Well said Ellie.

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5210

@paulapantyhose As an approach, it's working for me!

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2157

@rickialan 

Sounds like you pushed yourself a little a couple times there. When you are ready to push those boundaries again just let it happen, if you are not ready you can wait till next time . Just try to let it happen. 

Good luck 

Cassie 

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Lady
(@rickialan)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@loneleycd Thanks Cassie

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Posts: 2108
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Ricki -

That is wonderful that you did that. Baby steps is the way to go, as time goes on you'll be more adventurous. I have gone out wearing a pair of ankle boots when in drab and loved it.

XOXO
Suzanne

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1 Reply
Lady
(@rickialan)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@cdsue Thanks 

 
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Posts: 1067
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

No one can do a thing before they're ready. When you're ready, you will. Good job on pushing your envelope a little! 🙂

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1 Reply
Lady
(@rickialan)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@melodeescarlet Thanks Melodee.

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Posts: 1005
Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

The urge to do things certainly won’t go away Ricki, so there’s no rush.

You’ll know when it’s time to go that bit further.

In the meantime, well done on what you’ve done so far. 

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@rickialan)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@lucyb112 Thanks Lucy.

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Posts: 1325
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Bit by bit is one way, but I look at it rather like cutting down on smoking or drinking -- it's just a bit of torture as it is never enough. It wouldn't appeal to everyone but my personal method is all or nothing; I suddenly stopped smoking 37 years ago and I cut out alcohol abruptly nearly two years ago. Similarly, the first time out, I dressed, and I went, right into the middle of a shopping mall in the city.

I suppose I must be a little impetuous but while it works for me, it is definitely not for everyone. Good for you for starting on a most enjoyable journey.

 

Becca

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2 Replies
Lady
(@rickialan)
Joined: 12 months ago

Estimable Member     North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@rebeccabaxter Congrats on quitting smoking.  I wish i could quit myself.  

 
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(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

@rickialan You just have to keep trying and one day it might work. I tried many ways to give it up until one day was the right day, I have no idea why but all of a sudden I just thought 'I'm fed up of this' and stopped, just like that. Didn't plan it, it just happened, but always in the background was the desire not to smoke. It only happens if, deep down, someone really wants to stop.

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Posts: 3437
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

So long as you keep stepping forward you are going in the right direction.As the others say just take your time .

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Posts: 1828
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 11 months ago

my experience of going to a beauty shop whilst in drab is being made to feel welcome

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Posts: 40
Lady
(@josie21)
Trusted Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Ricki,

There are people who are risk takers and others who take things a little slower. The risk takers enjoy the thrill of the unknown and how to deal with consequences of their sometimes not completely thought out actions. The "take it a little slower" crowd likes to be a little more sure of things. Both types will ultimately reach their goal.

Your "take it slow" approach is perfect. Going out in public fully dressed for the first time can be difficult. You will sit it your car, your heartbeat will increase, you will be wracked with doubt. But once you take that step to go all out you just might wonder what took you so long. People come in all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, colors, persuasions, and genders. People are also mostly concerned about what is going on in their life and don't generally pay a lot of attention to others around them unless that person is striving for attention.

My advice is to take it slow. Make sure you are confident in your look. 5 inch heels and a tight short skirt aren't the thing to wear. Dress conservatively, wear understated but complete makeup (cover that 5 o'clock shadow) and feel good about how you look. I just went out for a quick shopping trip wearing jeans (filled out by my new hip pads----I love my hip pads!!), a 3/4 sleeve white top and a pair of slides. I did carry a purse for my wallet and was made up but with understated lipstick. No one paid a moments attention to me as I shopped the cosmetics aisle and then did a turn through the lingerie department.

(Well, shoot...No One Even Noticed Me!? I am getting old!!!).

The stupid diversion aside, go for it when you feel good but don't wait forever. Once you take the step, the next step is easier and the next step is even easier until you reach the point where you ask yourself why you took so long to reveal the real you.

Josie

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2 Replies
(@rebeccabaxter)
Joined: 1 year ago

    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1325

Posted by: @josie21

 

(Well, shoot...No One Even Noticed Me!? I am getting old!!!).

 

 

Isn't that the worst. As a line from  Monty Python sketch went, "If there's one thing worse than being talked about, it's NOT being talked about".

 

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Lady
(@josie21)
Joined: 3 years ago

Trusted Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 40

@rebeccabaxter The philosophers at Monty Python were right about a lot of things. This is definitely one of them! What's a girl gotta do for some scandalous talk behind her back?

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Posts: 55
(@wend77)
Trusted Member     isle of wight, Isle of Wight, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi 

yes I have often thought how start venturing out, do I go for  a car ride, pull into a petrol station and have to interact with others, or just go for a stroll on a quiet street one evening, what ever it will be it frightens and also excites me. Cause as said when it is achieved the you what’s all the fuss about also this I nice when can do it again 

well this is my thoughts 

Wendy

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1 Reply
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

@wend77 Pick one and go for it in a safe place. Build your confidence step by step.

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Posts: 40
Lady
(@josie21)
Trusted Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

A few little things...Get a really close shave. Use an orange lipstick or pigment along with a concealer and foundation to cover the infamous 5 o'clock shadow. Do you eyebrows.. You don't need to pluck them (ouch!!) you just need to shape them with an eyebrow pencil.

Go to Wal-Mart or Target or a similar store for your first outing. The great thing is that no one really looks at you all that closely. They are way more consumed with whatever it is they are looking for and aren't all that concerned about others around them.

The better you look in the mirror, the more confident you will be about going out. I'm not particularly passable since I am heavyset (okay - I'm fat and overweight!) but if I've covered my male attributes successfully (long tops are great for this) and whiskers aren't popping out and my makeup looks good and my wig is combed, I feel like I can go anywhere. Your best safe place is in front of your mirror but don't look for perfection. None of us look like Raquel Welch, Sophia Loren or Sophia Vegara. Neither do any of the women at the local stores.  Go for it when you feel good.

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

That's good encouragement, Josie.

Posted by: @josie21

Go to Wal-Mart or Target or a similar store for your first outing. The great thing is that no one really looks at you all that closely. 

Actually... if anyone is in a Walmart, you could end up immortalized on some of the many picture threads showing the unusually dressed customers. Lingerie, tiny outfits trying to contain big people, seniors with beards wearing dresses. They go way beyond what the imagination of most people could think up.

 

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Posts: 40
Lady
(@josie21)
Trusted Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Laugh Loud

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