'So ... I just told my Mum', Part 2. What happened next.

Hey girls

I know I have to keep apologising in advance for the length of my forum posts. This one might even qualify as a novella. Settle down somewhere comfy and surround yourself with snacks. It’s a bit of a feelgood story.

Last Sunday (13th August) I told my Mum that I crossdress full time in private, and have done so from a very early age. At the time, she was staying with me for a week; the confessional happened on the third day of her stay. I did a forum post straight afterwards (‘So … I just told my Mum’). It was such a big event for me that I wanted to share it widely. People who read that post will know that there was a positive outcome, and that at the end of what was a bit of a difficult conversation for me Mum said:

‘Well, as far as I’m concerned you can do whatever the hell you want. It’s a short life and you have to do whatever makes you happy. You’re not hurting anyone, and it doesn’t change anything at all.’

After reading my account, a number of people said that I’d been very brave. A few intimated that I should have gone further, and told Mum that I identify as female. I explained in my replies that when I came out to Mum I told her as much as I thought she could handle in one go. The more I thought about it, and the more I read and replied to everyone’s comments, the more I realised that essentially what I’d done was open a dialogue. Once Mum had fully come to terms with the crossdressing, I could broach the subject of my gender identity with her and take the conversation further.

Many people who replied to my original post told me, not unreasonably, to expect lots of questions from Mum over the following few days. But those questions didn’t come.

Monday through Thursday were delightful days. Mum and I worked on the garden together, I cooked her a meal from scratch every night, we listened to music, we had lots of conversations … but the crossdressing wasn’t mentioned at all. Although there was no sign that Mum was in any way bothered by what I’d told her, I started to worry. What if she WAS concerned, but not sharing those concerns with me for my sake? And, of course, I’d put her in a position in which there was no-one else she could share anything with, for fear of telling them about me.

A further bit of background detail is needed here before I continue the story. My sister has lived with Mum for a number of years following a messy divorce. For this account, I’m going to call her Tracey. I’d already decided that if I told Tracey as well, then Mum would at least have someone else that she could talk to about everything. It was a daunting thought. It would mean that there was another person who knew my secret. But it was something that I knew I had to do.

On the Friday, at the end of her stay, I drove Mum back home to Kent. The traffic was awful. It was a five hour journey. We talked a lot, but there was STILL nothing further about the crossdressing. Several times I thought about trying to steer the conversation in that direction, but the ideal moment never came.

Fast forward to Friday evening. Mum went to bed at 11.30, but I stayed up watching TV with Tracey. Just before midnight, after the now-familiar attack of nerves, I decided to tell her. And by ‘tell her’, I mean tell her EVERYTHING.

I told Tracey that the previous Sunday I’d told Mum I was a crossdresser. I told her how Mum had reacted. Then I simply carried straight on. I told Tracey that I’d always identified as female. I told her that I call myself Ellie. I told her lots and lots of other stuff that I’ve never shared with anyone. We talked for two and a half hours straight. To add extra drama there was a violent thunderstorm going on outside. Genuinely. I’m not making that up!

And from the moment I first started talking, Tracey was COMPLETELY accepting about everything. It was basically … ‘Well, so what? You’re still you.’

She asked a LOT of questions, but only because she was curious. The only things that bothered her at all were why it had taken me so long to tell her, and also how it was that she’d never actually picked up on anything over all those years. And she was genuinely excited to have a new sister!

A large part of the conversation was about how I’d stopped short of telling Mum the whole story, and how best to go about doing that. We decided between us that the next morning we would just go for it.

So, on the Saturday morning we both got up before Mum and made her breakfast. When she had eaten, Tracey and I looked at each other. I nodded, and Tracey told Mum that I’d told HER about the crossdressing. Mum looked relieved, knowing of course that now she could talk to someone about it whenever she wanted.

Then I summoned up all my courage and told her the rest.

And you know what? It wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t a problem AT ALL.

The rest of the weekend is a whirlwind.

On Saturday afternoon Tracey took me shopping for women’s clothes in a nearby town. We were out together for five hours. We visited lots of thrift stores as well as the high street shops. She helped me put together a shedload of outfits. Tracey has always been into fashion, and she was BRILLIANT at picking out things that went well together. For the first hour of clothes shopping she was just getting her eye in; we went around the racks while she asked me what colours I go for, what sort of style of clothes I like to wear, what length and so on. She’d find something, show it to me and say ’Would Ellie like this?’. After that she had a clear idea what to look for, and where to go to find it, and it all came together. She assembled a set of clothes that are perfect for me in a way I could never have achieved on my own. It feels like I have finally found my style! I was trying stuff on in store. I bought several bags of clothes; a long light summer skirt, a dress, a blouse, two tops, a knee-length cardigan and some leggings. I spent way more than I should have. I loved every minute of it and couldn’t stop smiling!

By about half way through our shopping session we’d dropped the whole ’Would Ellie like this?’ thing. My confidence was growing all the time, and it just seemed natural to just talk normally. ’Yes, I’d definitely wear that with this’, ’That might be a bit tight across my shoulders’ and so on. I was holding skirts against myself to judge lengths, she was holding tops up against me to see if they looked right, and I was even trying items such as long cardigans on in the middle of the store. As people often comment, in the big stores no-one paid us any attention whatsoever. In the thrift stores we drew a couple of glances, but it was really just mild curiosity.

I told Tracey several times how much I was loving the whole experience and she was just like ’Why? We’re just two sisters out shopping together.’ She said it was the most fun she’d had in ages. She's already arranged another shopping trip for us at Christmas.

When we got back, Mum wanted to see what I’d bought. I didn’t so go far as to try anything on in front of her, but I did hold things against me so she could see how everything co-ordinated. It felt a little odd to be doing this in front of my Mum, but it also felt WONDERFUL. She commented on what went well with what, felt the various fabrics and said how pretty everything was.

On Saturday evening Mum, Tracey and I sat together at the computer and ordered some more things so I could complete Ellie’s look.

On Sunday morning, Tracey sorted out some of her own clothes (things she’d bought online that were too big for her) and gave those to me as well. So as well as everything that we actually bought together, I now have some hand-me-downs, one sister to another.

And finally, when I left Kent to drive back to Norfolk on Sunday it was swelteringly hot. So Tracey suggested that I ditch my jeans and wear the skirt instead. I combined it with one of the tops and drove back to Norfolk en femme … at the suggestion of my sister and with the blessing of my Mum.

I’m still coming to terms with everything that has happened in the last eight days, and how quickly everything has progressed since that terrifying moment when I first came out to my Mum.

It COULD all have gone pear-shaped. As it turned out, this has been one of the best weeks of my life.

Hugs

Ellie x