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Hey girls.
Today has been a little emotional.
My Mum is staying with me for a week, and we’re now three days into her visit. Until today I’d never told anyone about my crossdressing, and I hadn’t had any plans for that to change.
But for some reason, early this afternoon I suddenly decided that I was going to tell my Mum. I’ve honestly got no idea where that thought sprang from. There was no particular trigger; nothing at all happened to spark it. But once the thought was in my head I couldn’t shake it. It felt like now or never. By the evening I was a complete nervous wreck. I’m not ashamed of my crossdressing in any way; this is who I am. But telling my mother …
We’d spent the day gardening, and in the evening I cooked her a full roast dinner. When she’d finished we chatted for a bit but I wasn’t really that tuned in to what she was saying. I kept waiting for an appropriate pause in the conversation. My face was burning and my hands were shaking. I almost chickened out several times, and was dying a thousand deaths inside.
But then I did it.
I said that there was something I’d been meaning to tell her and that I didn’t know how she’d react.
I plunged straight in and told her that I’m a crossdresser.
She looked shocked for a moment – I guess it came completely out of the blue – and asked me what that meant. I said that it meant I liked to dress in women’s clothes. She asked why, and I said there wasn’t really a reason, it just felt natural to me. The rest of the conversation basically went:
Mum: ‘Is this something you’ve just started doing?’
Me: ‘No, I’ve done it all my life’.
Mum: ‘What? (total surprise) Even when you were a teenager?’
Me: (bright red by now, heart pounding) Yes.
Mum: ‘I don’t understand… how could you do that without me knowing?’
Me: (confused, previously convinced Mum had known exactly what I was up to in my teenage years and now realising that this was just my own paranoia all along) ‘I guess I was just very good at hiding it…’
Mum: ‘But where did you get the clothes?’
Me: ‘Well, from XXX and XXX’ (naming my two older sisters and praying she didn’t ask for more detail).
Mum: (by now with an unreadable facial expression, and believe me I was watching her face VERY closely) ‘And you own women’s clothes now? You’re telling me you have women’s clothes upstairs?’
Me: ‘Yes … lots … ‘
Mum: ‘You BUY women’s clothes?’
Me: ‘Yes’
Mum: (looking down at her hands) ‘Do you wear make up?’
Me: (of course I do, but I detected something in her tone of voice and deciding not to push her boundaries too far at this point) No.
Mum: ‘Are you gay? (pause) It wouldn’t matter’.
Me: ‘No, I like women. And before you ask, that doesn’t mean I want to be one’.
Mum; ‘(even longer pause) So how does that work? You dressing as a woman, wanting a relationship with a woman?
Me: ‘I guess it’s not ideal, but some people make it work, if they’re honest with each other.’
At this point there was an extended and uncomfortable silence while she processed everything and I sat feeling like my world was about to implode. I wasn’t sure at all how the next few moments were going to go, and was half afraid that she would up and ask to be taken back to Kent.
Then she said:
‘Well, as far as I’m concerned you can do whatever the hell you want. It’s a short life and you have to do whatever makes you happy. You’re not hurting anyone, and it doesn’t change anything at all.’
Then she just started talking about something else entirely for the next hour.
She’s gone to bed now after saying ‘I bet that’s a huge weight off your mind!’ and giving me a huge hug.
I’m still feeling really jittery. I didn’t tell her I identify as female and call myself Ellie. I didn’t want her to have a heart attack. But after all these years of hiding, I can’t believe what just happened.
There may well be more questions tomorrow, but for now … oh my God.
Hugs
A very, very relieved Ellie x
Congratulations you brave girl. Letting someone know about your crossdressing is a huge step hun. Big hugs.
Ashley 🤗
Thanks Ashley
I really didn't know what the outcome would be; I just had this voice in my head telling me I should just go for it.
I'm so glad I listened!
Hugs
Ellie x
Wow Ellie, what a huge leap you took, but it sounds as if your Mum was accepting. Congratulations! I know it is still sinking in that you told her, but you did!
Hey Janet
I'm still reeling. I can't believe I did it ... but I'm so very glad I took that leap of faith.
It would be strange if there were no more questions, but the hard part is over #feelingbrave
At some future point I may tell Mum more about Ellie and my gender identity, but for the moment I am so relieved to have got to this point!
No more frantic squirreling away of clothes prior to her visits ...
Hugs
Ellie x
You have taken the big first step and Ellie will know when to share more!
I’m sure there will be more questions at some point, but the biggest ones have been answered. You may have slightly misrepresented your gender identification (as you said, you do identify as a woman)…but you may have a chance to clarify that when those subsequent questions arise. If not, sooner or later she may figure that out on her own, so the question is whether you want to tell her or leave it to chance.
What a wonderful story, thank you for sharing.
OMG Ellie, you are so brave girl!!!!! So very happy for you that this went well. I’m sure there will be many more questions to be answered in the future. You have taken the first steps to be totally honest with your Mum. The hardest part is over. Take some time and do your research and decide where you’ll proceed from here. All the best for you. Love and prayers, Ragina.
Oh wow! You go girl!! Coming out to your mother is such a huge thing... she has known you and loved you all your life and her reaction and approval weighs so very heavy on anybody's heart. You did it! So glad she reacted the way she did. She must have a lot more questions tomorrow and in the days to come, but this giant leap has been taken. Enjoy it!
Very big hug, Frédérique
Ellie...WOW! You are amazing! I could never do that. I bet that was a huge weight lifted. So glad your Mum was accepting. It sounds like she was surprised and simply had no idea whatsoever.
I hope the rest of her visit goes well.
Sophie
Oh my god, Ellie that's wonderfull, I would never have had the guts to tell my mom.
Ellie!!!
I’m so happy you took such a major step in your journey today. Making a decision in the moment to tell your mum is incredible! And her response being so positive is simply awesome. It certainly must have been the correct time to open the idea of your gender diversity to her.
Regardless of your decision to withhold certain information it is likely for the best. Coming out to family can take quite an emotional toll for each person involved. I’m hopeful the the remaining days of her visit are filled with joy, and that you’re able to respond openly to any questions which may arise.
Hugs and Congratulations, and HUGS!
-Natalie
When people are told of our crossdressing or that we are transgender, will we ever get beyond the next question being: “Are you gay?”.
Wow Ellie!
That’s an amazingly brave thing to do.
There’s almost certainly going to be more questions, but you’ve taken that first big step.
Well done you!!
Hugs
Lucy xx