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Sorry, Mom

22 Posts
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Posts: 182
Dame
Topic starter
(@jasminejeffries75)
Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

 One regret I have in life is that I did not take my mother later in life on Mother’s Day to brunch and shopping for a new outfit with me dressed up like when she excepted me dressing when I was young, I had planned on doing that for years, but I wasn’t as confident Going out as I got older when I was a teenager and in my 20s and even 30s was very passable, but as I got older, I wasn’t so I planned every year to take her and let her see that I still enjoyed being like her dressing as a woman  I think she would’ve got a real kick out of it seeing me dressed up after all these years but unfortunately, I waited too long. She passed away about seven years ago and I really regret not doing that for her. She was always so funny and even encouraged me. To dress up and do activities with her when I was a teenager she knew that I had a very strong feminine side and she didn’t mind it at all. She was really cool. Just thought I would share that with you if you have a chance to take your mothers out on Mother’s Day, do it before it’s too late 

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Guest
(@Anonymous 97944)
Joined: 10 months ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 319

@jasminejeffries75 My mom story probably has made me the trans woman I am today.  30 years ago, maybe longer, she and I were at her kitchen table drinking coffee.  Talking about her 5 kids - I was the 4th.  One of the things she said was, "of you 5 kids, you were the one we were hoping would be a girl."  I think she meant it was my dad who had 'decided' it would be a girl.  He struggled with his own abusive tendencies and sexual dysfunction anyway.  Mom was very meek around him.  I believe my 'psyche' or true nature leaned towards femininity from birth, my nature interests were never manly.  And the almost ladylike upbringing I was given finished the job.  But I'm content with it.  Don't feel held down, don't feel like I'm finally pleasing my dad, or anything like that.  If society hadn't unfettered the opportunities for trans community growth, I probably would have struggled along all my life with dysphoria.

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(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@danikiss22 well said  Dani

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 6 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2242

@jasminejeffries75.  My mother passed away in March of 2021. At that time I was just getting back into CD and was getting close to tell her, I am not sure how she would take the news, but I so much want to believe she would have been happy for me. At that time she had Alzimers so bad I am not sure she would understand it.

Anyway her birthday is also close to Mother's day and on Mother's day I have been going to the grave site and singing for her. It's been 4 years now and this is the highlight of the day for me. 

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(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@loneleycd sorry for your loss yeah for me. She always like to see me dressed up why I really don’t know. She was funny that way I think she would’ve really got a kick out of seeing me later in life still wearing dresses And pantyhose just like her I always told her I wanted to be just like her. She was my hero. I think she really enjoyed that.

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Baroness
(@amylove2dress)
Joined: 6 years ago

Famed Member     South Western Ontario, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2571

@jasminejeffries75 

 Jasmine, I'm very sorry for your loss, I lost my Mom a little over 30 years ago now. I simply cannot believe it was so long ago now.

 However, getting to your subject I too have the regret that I never introduced Amy to Mom, at the time of her sudden passing I was so closeted and honestly not very good looking. Though at the time I was thinking and wishing I could get properly dressed and made up, but it would take me over 20 more years to get to that point.

 She knew I was borrowing her clothes but was always cool about it, even when she caught me at with them. I so much wish I could have spent time with her as Amy, so very very much wanted a daughter but was never given one, but in a way she has the daughter she longed for in her only child.

 Amy

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(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@amylove2dress as much as we tried to hide our desire to wear women’s clothes and wearing our mothers dresses, pantyhose and so forth, they knew all the time mothers definitely know them things looking back on it. She knew I was constantly dressing up in her clothes, but like your mother was cool about it and throw it in my face she would make comments so, like I’m going to Kmart do you need any pantyhose start laughing?

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Guest
(@Anonymous 97944)
Joined: 10 months ago

Reputable Member
Posts: 319
Posts: 697
Editor
(@denimwear)
    Other, Alberta, Canada
Joined: 4 years ago

Well said, Jasmine. 

Hugs,

Lynne 

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1 Reply
(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@denimwear thank you sweetie

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Posts: 8334
(@aliceunderwire)
Majestic Member     Near Burlington, Vermont, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

 Hi Jasmine,

 

My condolences on the loss of your mom.  It is a big loss even after a number of years.

Alice

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1 Reply
(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@aliceunderwire thank you, Alice

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Posts: 232
(@juststevie)
Reputable Member     Michigan, United States of America
Joined: 11 months ago

Yeah, that really sucks, but you did have good times with her. It sounds like you had a good relationship with her.  I think you have much more memories to treasure than things to regret in this case  😊

 

Plus, she accepted you the way you are and that’s really special. I know that doesn’t bring back what you wish you could have done with her, but I know you’re grateful for her encouragement and the times you had together dressed with her when you were younger. That will always be a special memory No one can ever take from you.❤️

My mom is almost 80 and I don’t think she ever wants to see me dressed but at least she is very supportive of me. I’m hoping one day before she’s gone, I’ll be able to show her what I look like dressed up. She seen pictures but it’s just not the same. She wanted a daughter so badly. It would really be special if that happened, but I’ll take what I can get and it’s OK if it doesn’t.

I’m really sorry about Your mom Jas. I’m sure even after seven years, you still miss her badly. I can’t even imagine losing mine, but it’s going to happen one day. 

It’s a great thing for you to share this. We have so little time. Life is so short and very fragile. We have to make the most of every opportunity we have. ❤️ 

S. 

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3 Replies
(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@juststevie Stephanie you’re a beautiful woman and you should show the pictures to your mom at her age. She’ll probably be happy to see them and it’ll make you feel better that you shared the pictures with her time goes by fast don’t regret it like I do.

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(@juststevie)
Joined: 11 months ago

Reputable Member     Michigan, United States of America
Posts: 232

@jasminejeffries75 Thanks Jasmine ☺️

 

we will see what the future holds. She has issues with it, and I think they stem from her “blaming” herself for why I cross dress. I’ve showed her pictures but she told me she really didn’t want to see them. I respect her boundaries on that but I hold out. Hope that maybe one day she will change her mind. It’s a complex thing and like I said before, I’m very happy that she supportive, and has never judged me for it. 

But I always throw hints out there and mention my latest pictures and outfits. You never know. I will keep trying in an indirect way and maybe at some point she will be OK with it. I would very much love to share it with her in an appropriate way.

if she ever does want to see me dressed, I will do my very best to look as good as I can for her. It’s probably a longshot, but again you never know.☺️

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(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@juststevie yeah, that’s a tough one. Well, when I was 15 I just dressed up and showed her how much I wanted to be like her and it went well for me, but I realize it could’ve went real bad too. I guess I got lucky.

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Posts: 3846
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Mum was the first I told and she was fine with it. Having a theatrical background she used to love dressing us up for some theme event or other and dressed me as a girl when I was four and allowed me to dress 'for fun' with my sisters after that, dad didn't object either as it was fun.  Naturally I would dress in secret and often wondered whether she 'knew' when I told her years later but she insisted she didn't, and neither did my sisters when they were told.

She allowed me to go to her house and dress when my dad was at work and after he passed unexpectedly we began to go out to places, she accepted my femme name, as it was the one she would have chosen if I were born a girl. 

I was so blessed as had she recoiled at the news I wonder how things would have evolved. 

 

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Posts: 1672
Editor
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

As is said, at the end of your life, you don't regret the things you have done, but the things you haven't done. It's why I dress and go out en femme now rather than regret not doing it when it is too late. I've had too many close shaves regarding my mortality for me to care a hoot anymore; I'm determined to regret as little as I can.

Becca

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1 Reply
(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@rebeccabaxter well said girlfriend

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Posts: 1939
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Famed Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

I never told my mom (she passed almost 8 years ago). I'm sure she would have been OK, but she would have told my siblings too, and that is something I am not willing to share. So I have no regrets not saying anything.

One brother who lived with her passed in December of 2019. My other two siblings and I started to clean out her apartment, but stopped when COVID hit. We later started going individually, and I managed to take a few things of hers that would have otherwise been given to the junk removers. I actually went en femme the last two times.

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1 Reply
(@jasminejeffries75)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 182

@alison-anderson for ladies like us, I think having any acceptance of anybody it would be our mothers and I was lucky enough to have that. I wish you would’ve had it to Allison.

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Posts: 1939
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Famed Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

With my family dynamics, and with 3 other siblings, not saying anything was the right choice for me.

The woman who did my first makeover became a mother figure for me (despite being younger). Here is an excerpt from a letter I gave her 4 years ago and posted an anonymous version here ( https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/ode-owed-to-a-friend/):

I came expecting a makeover, some photos, and a trip out in public to eat. You showed me your kindness, your respect, your confidence, your skill, and your graciousness. I left learning how to put on makeup, and with new breast forms, a bra, and bangs. With your support, my nervousness lasted mere seconds, first walking out in front of your home, and then getting out of the car at the diner. We ran about 90 minutes over the allotted time, but you didn’t charge me extra. Despite expectations that I would have to pay for the meal, you picked it up the tab, leaving me only the tip. Everything you did that day said how much you cared about the people you meet, how much you want your girls to succeed, and not just about trying to squeeze every last dime out of girls who want to live their dreams.

That day I peeked into the door of femininity. You held it wide open and led me through. I let the genie out of the bottle that day. She refused to go back in. That day was a big change for me. It changed the course of my life, allowing me to show my feminine side to the world.

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