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I’ve only been on CDH for a little more than a month, but it’s been quite a month for me. I look back at my introductory post, and I wasn’t sure if I belonged here (What, me a crossdresser? No way!), and really didn’t know what I was trying to achieve and where I was going with this “thing.” But I feel that I’ve learned so much since then. You girls have been so helpful answering my novice questions, providing “technical” information, and support. I’ve read dozens of old post on subjects that interest me, and through all of this, have come to understand myself more, and have become more clear about where I fit in this broad CD spectrum, and what I want to achieve with my dressing.
It all culminated yesterday, as I took an exciting step to test what I think is what I want to achieve.
I went out to have a beer at a hip, coffee shop/bar, and I wore a new look. Very deliberately stealth and carefully planed and implemented. It was a fun and very satisfying experience! Here is what I wore:
- Panties, which I always wear even when in 100% male mode). Today it was a plain black g-string by Cuup.
- Bra, lightly padded. Bra’s are a relatively new experience for me. I wore a bralette from Boody
- Breast enhancers. Not breast forms, just Divine Collection Venus Breast Enhancers to give a little boost to my manboobs.
- Sweater. A snug, but not tight bulky knit womens’ pullover sweater. It used to belong to my wife, but she gave it to me a few years ago because it didn’t fit her, and its design is pretty gender neutral. But it is a from the womens’ department. It’s winter here, so I wore a few layers underneath.
- Beneath the sweater was a subtle — almost imperceptible — “swelling” in the breast area.
- Women’s shoes. This is a first for me. They were low booties, with a low top (I think I’ve seen them referred to as “shooties”). Very nondescript, but with zipper side, subtle detailing and a modest stacked heel, sloped at the back, that are ever-so-slightly feminine.
- Women’s jeans. Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda jeans. Unornamented, almost unisex in appearance.
The theme here was that everything underneath except the layering under my sweater, and everything visible, except for my socks, was female attire. This was a first for me!
Here is the key, and my intent: At a glance I looked male. Even at more than a glance, I still probably looked male. If you really studied me, you might think “Hmmmm…that guy’s shoes almost look like women’s shoes.” Or, “is that guy wearing women’s jeans?” Or, if I stretched my shoulders back (which I deliberately did a few times yesterday) someone might think, “That guy has pretty big manboobs.” But in reality, nobody looks at people that closely. I’m pretty sure no one noticed anything.
And that was my goal — to go out dressed in women’s clothes, and have nobody notice! I wanted see if I could hide in plain sight. And it worked! My feeling was that if nobody notices, I’m happy. If somebody looks and scratches their head in puzzlement, I smile to my self happily. And if somebody notices? So what? I’ll (figuratively) wink at them!
My outing was so much fun! I felt so alive, present, and confident! I think I’ve found the girl/guy I want to be in public.
Hugs,
Giénne
@gienne great job. I’m glad you got out and you did it the first time all alone. You certainly have more courage than I did. I hope you get to go out again. Perhaps someday you can go more fem than male, because I really think that almost no one really cares how anyone is dressed any more.
@jennconn Thanks Jennifer! Appreciate your encouragement!
At this point I really don’t foresee having any desire to go out in public any more femme than yesterday. I like the feeling of “hiding in plain sight.”
There is one exception however. My new breast forms are arriving tomorrow! Mainly intended for at home private enjoyment. But I’d like to go out someplace away from my hometown where nobody knows me, dressed stealthily similar to what I did yesterday, but rocking my breast forms! It would be fun to really shake people up!
And that was my goal — to go out dressed in women’s clothes, and have nobody notice! I wanted see if I could hide in plain sight. And it worked! My feeling was that if nobody notices, I’m happy.
Isn't it amazing? 🙂
A wonderful feeling for sure!
I'm about to walk over to the local gas station *almost* in 100% girl mode. It's cold enough here that I have to bundle up a lot. Last time, I did boy boots, but this time it'll be low-heel girl shoes.
Almost ready for the full makeover and the 4-hour drive home. Just need a good long woman's puffy jacket and good girl boots. 😉
Love
Rachelle
@gienne my experience has been most people don't notice, and those that do don't care.
@gienne That's how you do it, Giénne!
Congratulations!
What you did is, essentially, the same as how I do things. Stay under most people's radar, make a few of them ask, "what did I just see? ".
You are unleashed, so have fun and grow slowly. You have forms coming and, if they are small enough, if your coat is heavy enough, nobody will notice them, either.
@gienne Congrats on a successful public test!! I love public tests too.
Most of the time, I dress subtly. My favorite outfit is a woman's top, skinny jeans, bra of course, ballet flats, a cardigan, jewelry, and a crossbody purse. Most people don't even notice or don't care. Maybe the style just works for me and looks more androgynous. I feel so comfortable.
This year, I finally got the courage to come and go from my house dressed this way, in full view of my neighbors. I have started to venture to stores closer to my home. And even run errands where I have to use my real name. All successful tests!!
@lea-jhene I think subtle and androgynous is the path for me. I just like knowing that I’m wearing women’s things even though I don’t want to present as a woman.
@gienne That's a great outing. I go out in similar fashion a lot. Once I wore a tee shirt with an interesting graphic image on it. Several women were looking at it and one even flattened my shirt to get a better look. None of them noticed that I was wearing breast forms. That was quite an experience.
Tia
Well done, Gienne! I'm glad you're enjoying CDH and that we've been of help to you.
Isn't it incredibly liberating and self-affirming😊.
I hope to hear about more outings.
Allie x
@gienne Congratulations on taking that big step! Presenting yourself to the world in the way you want to be seen is incredibly empowering. One thing I have always noticed that is consistent with your experience is that people are so involved in doing their own thing that they hardly ever notice others. This occurred to me on one of my first mall outings where I went the length of the place and didn't get a second look. I was in full feminine dress and while I felt like I looked ok, I'm sure I couldn't pass under close scrutiny.
@gienne terrific story on your experience. I can't wait for your next step and its story!
That's a good way to start with. Baby steps and stealth. Pre-planning and then game on! 🥰
@gienne I’m so happy for you, I am still working up the courage to make my public debut.
@shadowqueen Take baby steps. It was easier for me, since the stuff I wore was very subtle, and at a glance I still looked like a man.
@shadowqueen Set yourself some attainable goals.
Figure out how you want to dress. There is wearing all women's clothes and there is fully dressed en femme, such as with make-up, wigs, dresses, high heels, purse, and feminine jewelry.
What would make you more comfortable? Going unnoticed by blending in or being in the spotlight? When first going abroad, chances are that you don't want to have everyone focus on you.
@gienne Going out as you describe can be a step to going out fully fem. OR this might be as far as you want/need to go.
I spent almost a year going to my Church wearing a black blazer and black pants from Torrid (looked like a men's suit) and a nice solid color blouse (sometimes with frills and lace, covers by the blazer) and black flats. Close examination would show the women's clothes, especially the shoes. No more of that for me because I am going there in full fem for almost a year and a half now.
Cassie
Hi Cassie!
Congratulations on going full femme!
A few here have said, as you said, that this is, or could be, a first step for me in going full femme. I’ll never say never, but I really feel like I’m very close to where I want to be with my dressing. As much as I am in awe of what you girls do to go the whole nine yards to look absolutely gorgeous, I think androgyny is where I want to be. I want to be the guy who, if you really look super hard, is almost imperceptibly girly. I want to pick clothes that are right on the edge.
@gienne Absolutely, we all have different goals. I am glad for you in finding were you want to be.
Cassie
@gienne Congratulations!! Such an exciting first step. Super happy for you. Also good to see another Michigan girl here. Welcome 🙂
What a lovely example of 'Hiding in plain sight'. You felt good and is a nice ground breaker to build for the future.
Congratulations Giénne on your outing. As you suspected most people are more absorbed in their own thoughts and friends conversation they don’t take notice of others around them.
Alice
Gienne -
Congrats on your outing, sounds like you had a good time. Just yesterday I went shopping and ran a couple other errands wearing panties under my drab clothes, knee high nylons and ankle boots. It didn't appear that anyone noticed and it felt good. I've done that a few times and enjoyed it. Continued success on getting out there as yourself. You're braver than me though, I've never worn a bra, bralette or cami out in public. I would imagine it is a nice feeling, maybe someday soon I'll give it a try, after all it is winter and heavy sweaters and coats will help hide it. I don't have breast forms but do have breast enhancers which help give me a nicer look when I wear them although I do like my man boobs and the look they give me.
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue Suzanne, don’t be afraid to try a bra! It’s not like I’m an expert, as I’ve only been exploring bras for a month or so, and not that long ago, I felt weird about it, too. Really, wearing a bra is not much different than wearing panties, which you have already worn in public. It’s covered up, and unless you are wearing a tight T-shirt, it’s invisible. Even if you don’t have breast forms or enhancers, it’s still fun. You can wear a soft bralette sized for your un-enhanced chest size, and you can “feel the hug” all day long, which is fun!
Hugs,
Giénne
Congrats on your going out dressed the way you wanted to. Yes, most people don't notice.
I am usually dressed similarly. I don't wear the bra and the "chicken fillets," but I have on a woman's almost androgynous tee shirt (there are subtle clues if you look closely; whether it's long sleeve or short sleeve depends on the season), women's jeans (lately a lot of skinny jeans), panties, women's socks (low rise sweat socks or women's trouser socks) or even (opaque) tights in the winter months, women's flat shoes or occasionally booties. I have had occasions where I needed to get some CT scans, and not wanting to change into a gown (because of the metal in the jeans), have worn pocketless leggings and put my essentials into a fanny pack, often hidden by an untucked woman's tee. I have to make accomodations with the jeans by putting my wallet and often phones in my back pocket, but otherwise it's not too obvious. One time someon e commented on the buttons on the cardigan being wrong and I acknowledged it but ignored it. A few minutes later I noticed I had missed a buttonhole, and she was telling me about the uneven buttoning, not that the buttons were on the wrong side.
On a few occasions in the colder months, I had been dressed with breast forms and I wanted to go out to the pizza store for a pickup. Under a bulky coat even full-on breast forms are barely noticeable.
So yes it is very easy to go out in full women's (androgynous or almost androgynous) clothing and not be noticed.
@alison-anderson Just recently I had occasion to remark to a woman regarding a flannel shirt - They look just like the men’s, only the buttons are on the left. She said really? I never knew that. She was totally serious too. Most regular people just do not do as much detective work as we cross-dressers🥰
I’d forgotten about this amusing incident, but the button comments made me remember: Several years ago, before CD was even on the horizon, my wife offered me a work shirt that no longer fit her, that she was going to donate. Being frugal, I accepted and hung it up…and promptly forgot about it. Some months later, I grabbed it to put it on and…What? The buttons were on wrong side! I asked my wife, “Why would anyone make a shirt with the buttons on the wrong side?“ She reminded me that she had given me that shirt and explained that women’s shirts had buttons on the opposite side. Before that I had no idea!
This also makes me realize that I’ve been cross-dressing longer than I thought! I’ve been wearing the work shirt, the hand-me down sweater that I mentioned in my original post, and a fleece sweater she also gave me, for several years before I started on my recent journey! I’ve been in stealth mode longer than I thought!
@gienne Stealth mode is easier than ever these days. And one of the good reasons is the practicality of women. My wife has given me several things to wear as well. If I point out the little differences between the women’s version vs. the men’s she’ll say, “Who cares, nobody notices those things but you so wear it anyway.”
Ok honey…if you insist!😊
@gracepal Hahaha! Funny! Years ago when she first gave me some of her things, I was concerned that people would notice (this was long before my current “enlightment”). Her response was almost exactly the same! I wonder if women are more used to dismissing the differences because they already sometimes wear men’s casual stuff like tee shirts, sweatshirts, down jackets and vests, some utility clothing, etc. Doesn’t bother them.
@gienne My brother was dealing with cancer, and a couple of times I was with him when he would tell the doctor that he had to sit to pee, and then whisper like a girl, as if it was shameful. He would invite me to cruise with him a couple of times, and they would usually have shopping days where they would sell things for $10.00. One year I saw a dusty rose synthetic fleece jacket. But it was a women's jacket, and I didn't want him to know about this side of me, so I passed on it. Lo and behold, he bought it and told me he could get used to the zipper being on the wrong side!
Sadly, he passed a few years after that. I don't know what happened to that jacket, but he didn't have a lot of chances to wear it.
@alison-anderson So sorry for your loss. ❤️ But it’s good to have memories like these.
“I have on a woman's almost androgynous tee shirt (there are subtle clues if you look closely…)”
That’s what I want do: to wear womens’ things that are almost gender-neutral, but still have subtle clues. As Harriette said above, I like doing just enough so people who look closely might say, “Hmmm…What did I just see?”
Gienne... So happy for you being able to get out in 100% women's clothes. Fun isn't it?
Most of my outings are in a subtle androgynous mode, as you said, Hmmm.. What did I just see?
It's fun to be out in public knowing that everything you are wearing is from the gals side of the store. And no one cares, or notices.
Enjoy your crossdressing... Staci
PS The GV Amanda Jeans are fabulous - right? I love my Amandas...
@sf Thanks Staci!
The Amandas are my first women’s pants, and I bought them online, so I was unable to try them on. I ordered 10S, which seems a bit short, although certainly wearable. I think I really need a 10R. Also, I wish they were a little skinnier below the knee, although I understand that the straight leg is the GV signature look. However I have some Levi’s 501 skinny woman’s jeans on the way, so they will give me a skinny option. I think that once I get the sizing worked out and accept that they are not intended to be skinny, I will agree that the Amandas are fabulous! They really look good. They are super comfy — I looove the feeling of the soft, lightweight, stretchy material — I hardly know it’s there! I like the high rise, which I didn’t expect to like. And the faux fly makes me smile — it’s a nice secret reminder that I’m wearing women’s jeans!
Giénne
@gienne Levi’s 314’s skinny, straight leg, all are stretchy, soft and fabulous. Drab or drag.
I love my Amandas, glad you got to give 'em a try. Correct they are not "skinny" per se, but still look / feel great. I have both long and short styles, wifey calls the short one my "floods." I like the short style to show off my heels, pedicure and anklet !!!
Have fun, thanks for the comment... Staci
And that was my goal — to go out dressed in women’s clothes, and have nobody notice! I wanted see if I could hide in plain sight. And it worked! My feeling was that if nobody notices, I’m happy. If somebody looks and scratches their head in puzzlement, I smile to my self happily.
I love the winter. I can stand and put gas in my car and no one knows. But I feel so damn good. It's almost crazy. I had no desire to be noticed - I didn't care in the least. I just wanted to be me "out in the world". I don't do this very often and usually a very controlled outing but I don't care. Just to be me outside the house every once in a while is so fulfilling.
@danirost I agree 100%! Heavy winter layers and coats can conceal lots of femme goodies!
The best thing about being a CD is it opens a whole other worlds of dressing options. Not just dressing en femme or en homme, but all the wonderful options and blends inbetween. As much as I enjoy dressing fully en femme, I am very happy to just blend styles and looks. I do spend most of my time more drab then femme, but I always have some elements that express my femme side. I just had my nails done with gel in a subtle color. Gels seem to last me about four weeks, so it is a commitment. I wear women's Levi jeans when I wear long pants (which is only a handful of days a year.) I may or may not wear some lipstick, often neutral in color, but sometimes not. I enjoy wearing a bra and forms in drab mode at times, and at other times going full femme. There are just so many options to play with, and nobody seems to care, and why should they?
I love this comment! Yes, exactly! Even when I’m visibly in 100% man mode (which I am often, sometimes by choice, sometimes because of professional and social reasons), with all visible clothes being men’s clothes, I still always, always have my polished toenails, toe rings, panties, and lately, a bra, hidden under everything. So I have the option of wearing a 100% male visible layer, while still having my full time secret girl underneath. And, yeah, add in the women’s jeans? NOBODY CAN TELL! So much fun to experiment!
@gienne This is why I dress androgynously. I don't even have to think about what I am wearing. They are just my clothes. There are a few items which are tricky, so am careful with them.
