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[Solved] Telling my daughter

18 Posts
18 Users
124 Reactions
646 Views
Posts: 485
Lady
Topic starter
(@justnikki)
Prominent Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I am finally out to all the most important people in my life. Yesterday, I came out to my 22-year old daughter. She had moved home in December and it quickly became apparent that I wasn't comfortable trying to hide it anymore. I've been agonizing over the decision for months, going back and forth between telling and not telling, between telling myself I could keep hiding and acknowledging that I couldn't. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I didn't want her to find out by accident or from someone else, so after a few false starts over the past couple weeks, I came clean yesterday. I took her to lunch, and we had a lovely time catching up. When we got back to the car, I just started talking. I said "so my motivation for taking you to lunch isn't completely innocent" and just kept going. She was quiet and attentive and listened closely. When I got to the hard part, I faltered and lost my voice. After a pause, she said "I love you, dad, it's ok..." and then found my voice and was able to continue. She took it in such stride that I can't believe I stressed and agonized over it for so long. I said that coming out to her was important to me not just because I didn't want her to catch me in a skirt or that I might forget I was wearing makeup or something, but mostly because I want her to know me, and that hiding such a large part of myself from her felt unnatural to me. We had a very casual conversation about my experiences after that, including the long list of friends and family that already know, some adventures out that my wife and I have had, my Sephora makeover, and on and on. The relief I feel for having it all out in the open with her is enormous. I can see now that I never had anything to worry about, but before today the prospect of somehow ruining our relationship was hanging over my head like a storm cloud even if it was largely irrational. 

 
I want to thank you all for helping to create this supportive community that has been so helpful for me in my journey, and a special thanks to Ellie for her insights and support in helping me wrestle with the decision to come out to my daughter. I can't describe what I'm feeling right now, it's like relief but more than that; it's like hope, but more than that. I know that there are a host of firsts still to come in her new understanding of her dad, but I know that it's going to be alright. Any maybe one day, she'll help me with my eye makeup; she's got some crazy skills there!
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17 Replies
8 Replies
(@laurynvalentine)
Joined: 1 year ago

Trusted Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 34

@justnikki that is wonderful and you are right, it does feel like hope. What you described is almost the same as when I came out to my daughter a couple years ago. I am so happy for you and I am so glad she is supportive. You seem like a very sensitive and kind person and handled it in such a good way. My daughter said to me “ dad I am just glad you are alive because so many people who struggle with this aren’t” well done Nikki

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Lady
(@jwhite)
Joined: 1 year ago

Reputable Member     Fort Collins, Colorado, United States of America
Posts: 159

@justnikki Nikki, what a wonderful story. I know you'll soon be out with your daughter enjoying a meal, show, or shopping.

XXX

Jamie

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Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5121

@justnikki 

Nikki, I am so, so happy for you right now. I've been smiling all day 🙂

All of this is just totally wonderful ... you have so much to look forward to.

Including, it seems, eye makeup 🙂

Sending you and your daughter an ENORMOUS virtual hug.

Celebrate

Lots of love

Ellie x

 

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Lady
(@jillannquinn)
Joined: 4 years ago

Noble Member     Reno, Nevada, United States of America
Posts: 627

@justnikki Good for you, Nikki, good for you! That must have been a tremendous weight to carry around. I'm very happy for you and relieved that your daughter handled the news with such grace and maturity. I've told my three oldest children (25-32 years old) but my youngest, who like your daughter is 22, is too right-wing minded to accept this side of me. I have little doubt that it would seriously damage our relationship at a time when he really needs me. So, for now I'll just have to keep things quiet about Jill, until such time as things with him calm way down, or I see a new level of maturity from him. Congratulations again!

Hugs, Jill

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@justnikki 

What brilliant news, Nikki, I'm so pleased for you! That storm cloud must have turned into cloud nine!

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(@heels234)
Joined: 9 years ago

Prominent Member     Mesa, Arizona, United States of America
Posts: 600

@justnikki Congratulations Nicki,I am so happy for you,another large step on your journey.Now that the weight is off your shoulders you may have just found Nicki a brunch or shopping partner.Way to go ,,girl.

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Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1004

@justnikki That’s wonderful news Nikki.

That will be a large weight off your shoulders, and that storm cloud has been blown well away ! 

Hugs

Lucy

 

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2144

@justnikki I am so happy for you Nikki.  Loved the way it all came out for you, nearly brought me to tears of joy!!

  Cassie

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Posts: 1706
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 years ago

Nikki, I'm so happy for you. You go girl! I'm not out to anybody and the thought of my daughters knowing seems ridiculous to me. As has been said here before they might find out when I go to that celestial ballroom in the sky!

Hugs, Chrissie xx. 

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Posts: 3381
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

There is always apprehensions about telling, even if you have done so before. I am so happy that it went so well and her comfort before you told her was a comfort. One wonders what she was thinking you would tell her. She obviously loves you and will no doubt be a wonderful ally as much as a wonderful daughter.

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Posts: 1026
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I'm super glad for you! I completely understand your position. I told my 18yo back in Nov when she was moving in with me and, while I was fairly confident she wouldn't react negatively, you never truly know. However my gut was correct and she was all "You do you," about it.

She has helped me with outfits, bought me lipstick and earrings, and even combed out my wig (ugh, I hate that job). It's an odd, but genuinely heartwarming relationship between a girl and her CD-dad. 😊 

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Posts: 1770
Baroness Annual
(@d44)
Famed Member     New York, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I'm so glad to hear things went well Nikki. Your daughter sounds like a lovely lady!

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Posts: 316
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 1 year ago

So Happy for you Nikki. That is a wonderful she has reacted so positively. Having recently told my son I understand how you must feel you have lifted all that weight off your shoulders.

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Posts: 114
Lady
(@dallen)
Estimable Member     Texas, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

So happy for you Nikki. I was also hesitant about telling my daughter but also felt that it was only fair that she new the real me. She was so supportive of me it made me proud that I can call her my daughter. She lives in a different state then I do and me and my wife had plans to go and visit her over the holidays. When I told her she told me that when I came down to see her she was totally going to give me a make over. She is very good with make up and I wish I could replicate what she did to me but I am far from as skilled as she is. I hope you telling your daughter opens more doors and opportunities for you and her.

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Posts: 2164
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Two things...

One is the younger generation is so.much.more accepting of such things these days.

Two is you raise a healthy open open-minded daughter which is what we all should be driving for.

I have two daughters neither of whom "know", but likely do. It is mostly to keep my wife happy that I am not out more, but I have no doubt either would care in the least.

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Posts: 2088
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

 ,Nikki -

How wonderful, I'm very happy for you. 

My son knows about Suzanne but my daughter and sisters will never know. They are all too right wing to understand or accept it. 

Not an easy decision to make

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 811
 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Noble Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

that is great it went well with your daughter.  the next threshold to cross will you being dressed up in front of her.  Hope that goes well

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