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I am finally out to all the most important people in my life. Yesterday, I came out to my 22-year old daughter. She had moved home in December and it quickly became apparent that I wasn't comfortable trying to hide it anymore. I've been agonizing over the decision for months, going back and forth between telling and not telling, between telling myself I could keep hiding and acknowledging that I couldn't. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I didn't want her to find out by accident or from someone else, so after a few false starts over the past couple weeks, I came clean yesterday. I took her to lunch, and we had a lovely time catching up. When we got back to the car, I just started talking. I said "so my motivation for taking you to lunch isn't completely innocent" and just kept going. She was quiet and attentive and listened closely. When I got to the hard part, I faltered and lost my voice. After a pause, she said "I love you, dad, it's ok..." and then found my voice and was able to continue. She took it in such stride that I can't believe I stressed and agonized over it for so long. I said that coming out to her was important to me not just because I didn't want her to catch me in a skirt or that I might forget I was wearing makeup or something, but mostly because I want her to know me, and that hiding such a large part of myself from her felt unnatural to me. We had a very casual conversation about my experiences after that, including the long list of friends and family that already know, some adventures out that my wife and I have had, my Sephora makeover, and on and on. The relief I feel for having it all out in the open with her is enormous. I can see now that I never had anything to worry about, but before today the prospect of somehow ruining our relationship was hanging over my head like a storm cloud even if it was largely irrational.
Nikki, I'm so happy for you. You go girl! I'm not out to anybody and the thought of my daughters knowing seems ridiculous to me. As has been said here before they might find out when I go to that celestial ballroom in the sky!
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
There is always apprehensions about telling, even if you have done so before. I am so happy that it went so well and her comfort before you told her was a comfort. One wonders what she was thinking you would tell her. She obviously loves you and will no doubt be a wonderful ally as much as a wonderful daughter.
I'm super glad for you! I completely understand your position. I told my 18yo back in Nov when she was moving in with me and, while I was fairly confident she wouldn't react negatively, you never truly know. However my gut was correct and she was all "You do you," about it.
She has helped me with outfits, bought me lipstick and earrings, and even combed out my wig (ugh, I hate that job). It's an odd, but genuinely heartwarming relationship between a girl and her CD-dad. 😊
I'm so glad to hear things went well Nikki. Your daughter sounds like a lovely lady!
So Happy for you Nikki. That is a wonderful she has reacted so positively. Having recently told my son I understand how you must feel you have lifted all that weight off your shoulders.
So happy for you Nikki. I was also hesitant about telling my daughter but also felt that it was only fair that she new the real me. She was so supportive of me it made me proud that I can call her my daughter. She lives in a different state then I do and me and my wife had plans to go and visit her over the holidays. When I told her she told me that when I came down to see her she was totally going to give me a make over. She is very good with make up and I wish I could replicate what she did to me but I am far from as skilled as she is. I hope you telling your daughter opens more doors and opportunities for you and her.
Two things...
One is the younger generation is so.much.more accepting of such things these days.
Two is you raise a healthy open open-minded daughter which is what we all should be driving for.
I have two daughters neither of whom "know", but likely do. It is mostly to keep my wife happy that I am not out more, but I have no doubt either would care in the least.
,Nikki -
How wonderful, I'm very happy for you.
My son knows about Suzanne but my daughter and sisters will never know. They are all too right wing to understand or accept it.
Not an easy decision to make
XOXO
Suzanne
that is great it went well with your daughter. the next threshold to cross will you being dressed up in front of her. Hope that goes well