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I don’t know how many people can relate to this because I know all of our stories are different but if you’d have asked me a couple of weeks ago, how often did I think about dressing, I would have said not for a while. Apart from the occasional check in on here, life had been going along with its normal ups and downs. Then, as we all know, that growing pink fog starts to envelope the mind. You look at a dress or some shoes and start to wonder how they’d look on you. Eventually the desire to feel feminine becomes impossible to ignore. This for me is where the frustration comes in and comes on strongly. I have big feet, far too big to have nice heels or feminine shoes. My figure and height is to femineity what a cruise liner is to a jet aircraft. I’ve limited access to clothes and makeup and so on. I dress in secret because my SO would end it immediately if she ever found out. Then there’s the ever-present desire to explore my sexuality and truly understand myself. If I could click my fingers and disappear for a short while without anyone noticing and live among a group of like-minded individuals it would be such a relief just to release for a while into another world. Apart form the occasional post on here I don’t really have a way of dealing with this level of frustration until the urge to dress subsides and I can forget about it for a while and carry on. I do wonder where I’ll end up with this mismatch of desire and reality. I hope this makes sense. Sorry for the ramble but I just wanted to share some thoughts. Sara XX
This is definitely a safe space to express yourself, at least verbally and in your imagination.
Perhaps one response for dealing with frustration is to find additional, tangible means of expression. If you don’t feel you can outwardly dress as you might wish, perhaps you can underdress. As for your curiosity, that’s something you might want to explore with a therapist before venturing off into new sexual territory.
@sara1 OMG. I get it. it has been months with no end in sight. I feel the constant desire. I have to keep hidden and my schedule changed so I get no opportunities. I look at my old pics and dream. It is depressing. I got on here today to look and maybe find others to chat with in the same boat. I don't feel the desire will ever go away. Thanks for sharing. xoxo Ann
If you can't "ramble" here, Sara...where else can you go...??? So many "shoulders to lean on", and surprisingly, so many who know exactly what you're going thru...we understand, we sympathize and we're here to help in any way we can...!!! The one difference, is how each of us chooses to address this exact situation....after all, we know what works for one, doesn't mean it works for all...!!! Freedom and privacy to dress.....big feet....check/check....!!! My solutions....and it's "easy for me to say"....I dress if/when I can and accept it because there really is no other choice...I don't want to stop and give it up, and I don't want to expose my "BIG" secret as I have too much to lose....the only thing that makes this easy for me, is I've been doing it for so damn long...!!! And as far as shoes....what I like and fits, I can't afford....and what fits and I can afford, well....we don't even want to go there and insult all that have this same dilemma...so, since I don't venture out into public anymore, it's an easy solution to just make do with unisex sandals and give up on heels/boots, all those that I can only dream of. The bottom line for me, this works and I accept it....I'm happy and content at this time in my life and I have no regrets. I'm hope this helps, even just a little....DON'T give up on your dreams...I sure all the girls here will have other options for you to consider that help help with a workable solution...."GOOD LUCK"....!!!
I think Tiny sums up a lot of your angst. There are so many here that share it too and we all, me included go through the pink fog at some time in our life. It's difficult but the expression ' living within our means' comes to mind where we would all like everything but it just isn't possible so you get what you can and appreciate it but don't give up working towards the dream.
@ab123 pinkfong, interesting concept I hadn't thought of it that way but my version is I'm finding it impossible to avoid dressing in femme now.
Today I meant a business person for coffee dressed in a pencil skirt short, a blouse with a collar and underneath panties and bra with padding. I wore a short week but no lipstick not the first time because this person wasn't expecting someone dressed as a female. I took the rest but felt anxiety and it went so well I am so relieved and now I have a new friend that I can be Stephanie with without reservations. Secondly a later appointment in the afternoon I visited a stockbrokers office she being the stock broker and I sat in her out of office in my short skirt and my niece close together and my person my lap and she came out of her office looked at me and just smiled! So today I have two new female friends and dressed in femme. What a terrific day for Stephanie, acceptance, inclusion, how lucky can I get? 
I will make up but no lipstick.
I tool the risk...
My knees close together purse in my lap
. Today Stephanie has acceptance and inclusion, and a new friend.
Sara -
I really can't add to what has already been said. Do what you can when you can and remember that we are here for you.
XOXO
Suzanne
While my journey has been very different, there are similarities, ones many of us go through. The age-old questions of why we dress, and where will we end up are foremost for most of us. No doubt the answers and expansions are as different as we all are, but there are many similarities, one being the thought of being alone or the only one. This site certainly helps with that. I have tried to keep and open mind about my dressing and just explored the feelings, thoughts and sensations as they come. I try not to be judgemental about myself and just let be what will be. After many years of this I am in a very happy place with myself and my dressing. I have come to conclusion that I simply enjoy dressing en femme and that there is nothing wrong with me because I enjoy wearing a dress. Just like there is nothing wrong with enjoying skiing. They are just two things that bring me pleasure. Talking to others has helped me reach this stage in my life. This site is excellent, but therapy (online therapy seems like a good option these days) may help, or find somebody you trust to talk to. My wife is fine with me dressing and I can talk to her, but I recently opened up to my cousin who was wonderful and supportive. She listened and asked questions, and I answered and expressed myself as best I could and opened up myself to some real vulnerabilities which she was sweet to understand and support. It was one of the most amazing talks. I showed her many pictures, including some boudoir shots that I have never shown anybody, and she just said how lovely I looked. I even got to spend a short time dressed with her which was a wonderful experience. Finding the right person to open up to can have a great impact.
@jjandme finding the right person to open up with this so important. I'm about to have a coffee meeting this morning with a CIS woman that I am going to risk opening up to and I'm feeling the anxiety right now. I'm going to be wearing a pencil skirt blouse and padded bra and perhaps an unbuttoned sweater over the blouse and a wig. I think no lipstick this time no eyeshadow Etc on my face and see how it goes with this person that I hope to be open with my cross-dressing daily experiences. Wish me luck! 
@tubbydullard Good luck, though if she is a true friend, no luck is needed.
